Things You Shouldn’t Feed Your Pets During the Holidays
It’s the time of year when you bake all the things, and then you eat all the things, and then since I’m there, giving you *the look*, you decide to share all those tasty things with me. Thing is, though, when humans eat holiday foods they just have to worry about getting fat. Me? I gotta worry about being sick, or even dead.
So here’s a quick breakdown of what you probably shouldn’t be feeding me (even though I’m adorable and you should clearly give me species-appropriate treats) or Fido over there (even though he’ll always tell you he can have anything you can have because you’re kindred spirits or soul mates or whatever *gag*), along with a couple other things you maybe don’t wanna have in your house if you wanna keep us around awhile.
Tinsel:
Yeah, I know, tinsel’s not a food. But it’s pretty and shiny and Goldie totally eats it if it’s in the house (she has like a sixth cat sense about it), and the human female once had to pull some out of her butt (Goldie’s, not the human’s), so maybe think twice about having tinsel in your house. (And yeah, we don’t recommend pulling tinsel out of your cat’s butt — you should go to a vet to do that — at the time, the human female was young and not experienced in the ways of cat intestines!)
Plants:
All those spiky holiday plants that are “traditional” like lilies, and mistletoe, and holly? Super pretty, and *super poisonous* — us cats only have to eat a little to get kidney failure.
Poinsettias actually aren’t as bad as the other guys, but they’ll still make our stomachs upset.
Booze:
EGGNOG FOR ALL! Just not us cats and dogs, unless you want a vet visit for the holidays. And hey, no booze means no booze in desserts, either, because those can cause bloat, and alcohol poisoning, and yeah.
Traditional holiday foods:
Chocolate: There’s always that one guy who’s like “but my dog ate a whole box of chocolate and was fine!” Let’s follow that story with the one about the guy whose dog ate a whole box of chocolate and *wasn’t* fine. Chocolate has something hard to pronounce in it called theobromine. Humans can digest it pretty quickly, but dogs and cats, not so much. So it builds up and it kills us.
Grapes, raisins, currants: If you’re into fruitcake (ugh, WHY), that’s …okay, it’s disgusting, that’s what it is. But the ingredients in fruitcake can be toxic to Fido and I. We don’t do grapes or any of those things — they can cause kidney failure and death.
Xylitol: Maybe keto’s your thing, and you use alternative sweeteners like xylitol? Yeah, don’t give that to us. More death.
Fatty meat scraps: Oh, man, I get it, Fido’s under the table, and you got some leftover meat on your plate, and the trash can is SO FAR AWAY, but the dog mouth is JUST RIGHT THERE…so I’mma remind you of how much you don’t want to clean up diarrhea and/or vomit and hafta take your doggo to the vet during the holiday because you gave your dog pancreatitis with your fatty leftovers.
Onions, garlic, chives, leeks: The female human thinks nothing smells better than garlic cooking in a pan with a little butter. Goldie and I agree with her, and have totally tried to eat said garlic. The human female wouldn’t let us, partially because she’s mean, and partially because it’s kinda toxic for cats and dogs to eat that stuff. Like eating it can make it so our blood doesn’t circulate oxygen, so it’s not just that we’re gonna barf and poop everywhere — it’s that we could die. Too bad *sniff* smells good.
I’m a cat, and I’m well aware of how adorable I am, and I know how to use that to manipulate my humans. But no matter how I meow or look pleadingly at you, don’t share your holiday treats with me or Fido over there.
