Relationships lessons: when you mix personal and professional… ouuuch it may hurt.
Here are a couple of failed mixture of personal+professional relationships from my own experience that are painful and difficult to swallow.
I will dive straight into it, but people mentioned here won’t like reading it. Deal with it, you knew what you are getting into…
I notice organizations by being pulled to an energy of their founder and that is the way I found out about this emerging web3 company during Summer 2019 and in Fall 2019 after connecting with the founder online he asked me to join as his cofounder and lead communications for us. I took on that role and still consider myself as one. The plot twist is that with time, I fell in love with this person. (it is difficult and virtually impossible for me to fall in love with anyone but he got lucky + scored the best possible comms lead for his org, how nice)
It all was mixed in with the global drama of 2020, us being thousands of kilometers away from each other and him being the only person I would connect daily with, finding a huge support in our consistent interaction during those intense months. Our relationship was my whole life, my only true focus, my source of great inspiration and a drive to move forward and keep going when the world seemed to be crushing hard. (it wasn’t, it was all in our head)
It all developed into highly emotional and broken communications with my cofounder and later on, the whole team he assembled was turned against me and I’ve lost access to all the work done on that organization. I am still ashamed to share publicly about this experience because it still hurts as fuck and feels deeply unresolved. Also, I’m not calling out this organization’s name here on purpose because I’m ashamed to be so deeply associated with this entity until today, and not letting go… but if you know me irl you know exactly which organization I am taking about because it is all I focused on in my professional life since Q4 2019, it was the only focus of Balanced Humanity’s activities, my comms firm.
My failure in my job was rooted in accidental falling in love with my co-founder and becoming a slave to my emotions, loosing the essence of professional communications and trying my best to fight my emotions till the part that is loving him basically gets bored. Which have not happened yet, so I keep fighting for my stake and the long overdue irl conversation with my cofounder, who keeps denying my role and keeps ignoring me because it’s simply easier for him to do so, then to accept that he’s the one chose me as a cofounder back in 2019 and there is absolutely no way back since so much time has passed and so much preliminary comms work has been done.
Much of what I do is energy work, energy communications. Many still do not see value in it, but trust me, you will.
I was the one who was present with our early community and communicated with everyone in the difficult, emotionally intense times of 2020, showed up as a mother of this organization daily for us and kept showing up until he turned off our platform, removed me from all chats and, later on, created a new gated platform just to exclude my voice from it and kept excluding me from all the organization’s communications, not willing to talk things through with me. I do not blame him, I am intense. He should have known better before inviting me to co-create with him…
It has been almost 4 years. Still hurts? You bet. Have I finished with this experience? Fuck no, I feel it’s just the beginning still as I am in for this as a life’s journey. Will I keep fighting for my rights as a cofounder and get my stake back? Absolutely. Will we align? I know we will, there is no other way.
The greatest fear of my cofounder is the power of my voice. The voice he intuitively chose for co-leadership. How ironic.
I know everyone from the so-called community and everyone who is not on the team who I met irl knows my side of the story with this entity. The team he brought together around him act as bouncers of my voice and are intimidated by me and blocked me everywhere they know of my presence online. Good thing I am no longer online that much.
Where’s alignment? Not in sight yet. I hope this piece of writing is moving us closer towards seeing that alignment manifest…
And it is hard not to mention that the cofounder of mine in this organization tells publicly in his twitter bio that he’s alignment maximalist and he’s building a protocol for reputation-gated collective super intelligence. Excuse me? How about maximally aligning with your cofounder first and using your beautiful brain you call collective super intelligence to be open to connect with your closest collaborator instead of reputation-gating me out of the organization we birthed?! I wish my feelings were not so strong towards him and this thing humans call love was not such a bitch keeping my comms oh so gentle, careful and loving all these years, otherwise I’d be way more intense and publicly outspoken with that person to reach consensus and come to that alignment that he craves so much.
Enough shared? Perhaps.
Trust me, there’s more of drama teaching the dangers of mixing personal + professional that is never a great idea.
From very recent experience: my freshly minted team member at a new organization I’m building, someone who I considered a good, trusted friend of mine from our time shared in NY way back when betrayed me, both professionally and personally.
I made a mistake of trusting her commitment to my project and payed her a significant lump sum amount of a salary for 3 months in advance to compensate her part time role in my organization as a way to support her poor financial situation. And she just walked out of my apartment’s door last month after spending several days at my place and sleeping on the same bed with me, last thing before she left she said something along the lines: ‘you’ll get that money back only through the court’… that is after I asked her to share a conversation before she leaves for good… she said there is nothing to talk about, so imagine how triggered she was by a combination of things still unclear to me…
How’s that for both personal and professional relationship ending? Mentioning court. Please. I really thought I grew out of this drama after moving out of the US.
She blocked me soon after she left my home and removed our conversations online. Just like my beloved cofounder above who removed the early convos where he offered me a cofounder role. Erasing traces…so smart and cruel.
She also cried every day in my presence for different reasons, which was highly inappropriate and quite frankly super alarming to me. I’m not your therapist, I’m your boss. Clear?
Also, notice how there’s a thing about removing conversions on messengers from both sides that is the pinnacle of cowardliness that I just cannot bare… as a daughter of a judge and lawyer I know if there’s no trace of communications there’s no way to prove anything to the court. Not that I would want to deal with any court system ever…
That’s why I prefer email communications and use emails as smart contracts, as well I use screenshots and screen recordings for that reason. Guess what, I was smart enough to quickly screen record all of our conversation with her right after she left my place, and just before she removed it, as if I knew she would do that. So all of our conversation is on file, because I have more experience now and learned to act faster than most.
I am sharing these learnings with you here, because I believe that those should be public lessons as I’m developing my quantum communications company, Balanced Humanity based on the core values of:
- radical transparency
- authentic relating
- deep reflection practice
- spiritual development as a core uniting factor
- intentional, deeply rooted shamanism and spirit communications work
People still tend to undervalue my spiritual power and my ability to masterfully navigate in the unseen realms, in many cases, I do that better than in 3D. It is ok, you will get used to it.
It takes a lot of unbalanced and quite awkward experiences like those shared above in order to:
- Understand what true balance feels like in my body at any given moment at any key relationships I’m engaged in
- Know when and how to rebalance things in relationships
- Remember not to mix personal and professional relationships — know how to set clear boundaries
My advice based on the learnings above: don’t combine work and personal stuff. If you feel personal is more important to you, cut out the professional ties, do not hold on to them. It is true for me in both cases, personal is more important, but my ego still holds on… and I am working hard on letting go.
There should be a clearly defined line between the two.
Your coworkers are not your lovers or friends.
If you are cofounders — they are your comrades, your business partners.
If you are their boss — they are your staff, your employees.
Simple as that. Nothing personal, and please do your best to keep emotions out of the way. As one of my mentors said and even wrote a book with this title: if you have to cry go outside.
I did not agree on a cofounder role to become a mother of our children in the future.
I did not hire you to become your emotional coach.
I agreed to be your cofounder to build a lasting, meaningful, fantastic organization together.
I hired you so you can show up at your best self performing the assigned tasks.
If you’re not capable to show up in a professional way communicate with me clearly and we will find a way to work around your emotions.
I am not just sharing it with you, as a reader, I am sharing it with myself.
Trust me, in 2020 I could not find balance between life and work and was not able to keep emotions out of professional projects, which hurt me oh sooo much. I wish no one to experience what I have experienced searching for that balance…
I love you.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I thank you.