Here’s the truth on how acquisitions actually work:
Primping [week 1]
- Baboon-level Google search uncovers Heirloom Photo Capture App.
- Mylestoned team Slack-discusses…even though they sit elbow to elbow.
Cue Music [weeks 2–3]
- Balter tweets at Heirloom CEO @ericowski. Response: “@davebalter would love to connect. will send you message on LinkedIn to coordinate.”
- Cut to meeting at a hipster coffee shop* in San Francisco. Turns out, Heirloom is currently evaluating dance partners.
- Mylestoned Team confirms strategy over whiteboard sessions with annoyingly half-dry markers.
Commence Twerking [weeks 4–7]
- Phone call from Balter to Owski to ask for the next dance.
- Slow waltz over a few weeks to align on overall deal structure.
- Legal duet ensues, basically coordinated synchronization to formalize paperwork.
- Last call snuggly slow dance includes final price and approval from stakeholders.
The Kiss Goodnight [weeks 8+]
- Their eyes lock. Signature.
- Balter and Co-founding Owski Brothers celebrate over a sweet dinner at San Francisco Gin & Tapas joint**.
- Executing on post transaction items begins. Balter expects non-malicious surprises and triple the work planned.
@google, @slack @linkedin and @twitter (and @medium) make appearances courtesy of Silicon Valley.
Email on loan from Ray Tomlinson.
Phone procured from Alexander Graham Bell.
Whiteboard appeared as understudy for @ideapaint.
*** A more traditional version of this article can be found on Business Insider.