Wanted: Not-An-Ass Associate
Published in
2 min readAug 12, 2016
dunnhumby was seeking a Venture Associate who liked to be loved, and loved to be liked.
- Instinctually adept, financially sound, analytically neophytical (not to be confused with necrophylical)
- Hunts on the savannah of startups, with email, Twitter and LinkedIn as weapons.
- Vita-Mix 5,000s lunchmeat to slurp calories while taking phone calls.
- Drives shockingly fast, but always uses turn signals.
- Likes to gamble, loves to raise. Can’t bluff for shit.
- Lists, catalogs, inventories, registers, records, itemizes. And, again.
- Is. Not. Annoying.
- Does. Not. Have. Halitosis.
- Why are you reading this right now and not out meeting people?
[Note: this position was filled by Kyle Fugere. He’s awesome — and still has the job.]
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