Wanted: Not-An-Ass Associate

Dave Balter
Aug 12, 2016 · 2 min read

dunnhumby was seeking a Venture Associate who liked to be loved, and loved to be liked.

Image for post
Image for post
  • Instinctually adept, financially sound, analytically neophytical (not to be confused with necrophylical)
  • Hunts on the savannah of startups, with email, Twitter and LinkedIn as weapons.
  • Vita-Mix 5,000s lunchmeat to slurp calories while taking phone calls.
  • Drives shockingly fast, but always uses turn signals.
  • Likes to gamble, loves to raise. Can’t bluff for shit.
  • Lists, catalogs, inventories, registers, records, itemizes. And, again.
  • Is. Not. Annoying.
  • Does. Not. Have. Halitosis.
  • Why are you reading this right now and not out meeting people?

About dunnhumby Ventures

[Note: this position was filled by Kyle Fugere. He’s awesome — and still has the job.]

Like this post? Thanks for ❤’ing below.

Image for post
Image for post
Image for post
Image for post


Leadership, Life, Lessons Learned

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store