Wanted: Not-An-Ass Associate

Dave Balter
Aug 12, 2016 · 2 min read

dunnhumby was seeking a Venture Associate who liked to be loved, and loved to be liked.

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  • Instinctually adept, financially sound, analytically neophytical (not to be confused with necrophylical)
  • Hunts on the savannah of startups, with email, Twitter and LinkedIn as weapons.
  • Vita-Mix 5,000s lunchmeat to slurp calories while taking phone calls.
  • Drives shockingly fast, but always uses turn signals.
  • Likes to gamble, loves to raise. Can’t bluff for shit.
  • Lists, catalogs, inventories, registers, records, itemizes. And, again.
  • Is. Not. Annoying.
  • Does. Not. Have. Halitosis.
  • Why are you reading this right now and not out meeting people?

About dunnhumby Ventures

[Note: this position was filled by Kyle Fugere. He’s awesome — and still has the job.]

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Balterer

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