The Perfectly Perfect Analyst

Dave Balter
Aug 12, 2016 · 2 min read

Wanted: Perfectly Perfect Strategic Research Analyst

Background: 5+ years into the corporate workforce. In need of finding a culture that won’t feel like an acid bath. A mix of consulting and financial roles are your street cred.

Strategy: Fired up to go deep. You occasionally dream and often hallucinate about industry analysis. You wrote a book report on Good to Great before you were out of diapers.

Focus: What? Sorry, I was immersed in something.

Entrepreneurs: Their perspiration is your inspiration (you perspire only at the gym).

Conviction: Must have it, but without the jail time.

Badassery: Velvet gloves daintily tailored to fit your iron fists.

Writing: You pump out words like Corín Tellado with Hemingway’s “For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn” as your guiding light. If you write like Faulkner, we’ll make you eat a keyboard.

Numbers: Quick, do this in your head: 1143 * √12 = .

Financial Analysis: You ride a spreadsheet to win the derby. P&Ls and Pivot Tables are snacks between coffee breaks.

Qualities: Smart, savvy, tenacious. Nice, but only on Tuesdays.

Humor: Relentless. Biting. Relative inability to be offended (except by Andy Dick).

Compensation: Money. Insane amounts of vacation. Tax-advantageous savings programs. Govt. funded doctor’s visits. Free rims for your new glasses.

Location: Boston. In the middle of a startup circus.

Let’s chat: dave at bzzagent dot com

[This position has been filled by the amazing Raphi Savitz. Thanks to everyone who applied!]

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The Offensive Andy Dick

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