I’m Henry Hudson. My Mutinous Crew Left Me to Die in a Boat. Ask Me Anything.

Your Cat’s Eulogy for You

Amen.

We are here today to say goodbye to the human who opened the food can. For as…

Our Policy of Telling Mister Bond Our Plans and Then Not Killing Him is Failing Us

Please just shoot him

Colleagues:

It took me over three hours to read the entire report prepared by McKinsey & Company, the…

The Emphasis on Flaying Is Hurting Our Brand

Tim Bolton, VP Marketing, House Bolton

Ugh! The Abandoned Garage Next to Hooker Alley Is Going to Be a Starbucks

Excerpts From the Higgins Commission Report on Wendy Being a Big Mommy Pain in the Ass

We Can’t Call Ourselves Pirates If We’re Just Fat-Shaming People From A Big Boat

Ask An Astronaut Whose Tether Has Separated From the Service Module

Please Don’t Judge Me for Collaborating with the Humans Eating Us

The World Was My Oyster But Now My Eyes Are Being Pushed Into My Head

The last thoughts of Oberyn Martell

The World Was My Oyster But Now My Eyes Are Being Pushed Into The Back Of My Head