Courtesy Pixabay

I Am Not in Cirque De Soleil, I’m Just Caught in Your Drapes

What’s that? No. This is not an impromptu performance by Cirque de Soleil. I’m just caught in your drapes.

It may look artistic, yes. And granted — I have a slim, athletic body so I certainly forgive you for thinking I might be one of those people who descend fabric professionally. But I am not. By any stretch of the imagination.

I’m really just caught in your drapes.

Oh no, this is not some artistic pose! I’m exhausted! I’ve been here for several hours. I’d basically given up and was lying here, hoping that someone at your open house would notice me. Folks came in over the course of the day, but they left before I could explain that I’m not from Cirque de Soleil. Nice house by the way!

I’d never thought about it before, but Cirque de Soleil kind of desensitizes people to the genuine risk of being caught in drapery. They see one show and from that point on assume that anyone dangling from yards of fabric is a performer rather than someone in peril. That’s dangerous.

How did this happen? Oh god. Well, I love all living things. I’m a Buddhist you see. That’s what I believe a Buddhist is: someone who loves all living things. I saw a spider on the ceiling and immediately set about ushering him out of the house to safety. So, I put a chair on top of the table, using your welcome mat and some bath towels to avoid any scratching. I reached up as high as I could. Very high ceiling by the way. I love high ceilings!

I tried to reassure the spider that I was there to help, but to no avail. Maybe in a past life he was killed by someone. He kept evading me, causing me to overreach. I lost my balance and before you knew it I was grabbing frantically for anything to keep me from falling.

Next thing you know I’m hopelessly caught up in your drapes.

By the way, the spider’s right over there. Please don’t hurt him. I call him Niles.

Anyway, I realize the open house is over, but I wouldn’t mind seeing the master bathroom again, if possible. I really liked the marble. Great job!

Do you have a ladder? I can’t feel my foot.

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