I’m Henry Hudson. My Mutinous Crew Left Me to Die in a Boat. Ask Me Anything.
Hi Redditors! I’m Sir Henry Hudson, famed 17th Century English explorer and navigator. I set out to discover a passage from Europe to Asia. I have streets, bridges, cities, valleys and bodies of water named after me. My crew put me in a frickin’ boat and left me to die. AMA
Hi Captain Hudson. I love your toll booth at the north tip of Manhattan. How come your crew mutinied, put you in a boat and left you to die?
Great question! Despite some setbacks I was certain we could discover a new trade route westward from Europe to Asia, possibly through the north of Canada. Unfortunately a lot of my crew didn’t have the same “fire in the belly” as I did when it came to meandering around, naming things after myself. Unfortunately they expressed this sentiment by putting me, my young son and some loyal colleagues in a boat and leaving us to die.
In Hudson Bay, of all places.
Why did you take your young son with you on a dangerous voyage?
It was take your child to work year and he insisted.
What does it feel like when your crew mutinies?
Any sea captain has three great fears. One is running the ship aground. Two is a giant, boat-eating squid. Three is mutiny.
Mutiny represents the collapse of order and the all-important maritime hierarchy. At the moment you realize you’ve completely lost control of the crew, your heart sinks. There’s no time for self-reflection because at that moment they’re either putting a sword through you or in my case, lowering me into a shallop — a small, open boat. Kind of like a Boston Whaler but no fiberglass.
What did you tell your young son?
Well of course any son wants to be proud of his dad which is very hard to do when he sees daddy relieved of his command, put in a boat and left to die in what was essentially a slow-motion execution. The best I could do was be very stoic.
I made sure he understood that what my crew was doing was super dicky.
What happened after they cut you loose in Hudson Bay?
We rowed frantically, trying to catch up with the ship — which you can imagine was a sad spectacle. Ultimately they raised more sails and left us behind. I let loose with a steady stream of vulgarities appropriate to the 1600s. I’m ashamed to admit that my son heard me say “ill-bred scuppers!” several times. That’s how bad it got.
What did you feel when you saw your ship disappear over the horizon?
We all fell silent, for we knew our fate was sealed. My ship’s carpenter Philip Staffe kept saying, “I can’t believe they mutineed us!” That’s crap English to be honest, but I was so despondent I didn’t correct him.
What happened to you and your mates?
Nine guys in varying degrees of health and age, floating in an open boat in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by Inuit natives who loved to lob hatchets at Europeans? I’d love to say we discovered a lost tribe of sexy natives on Hudson Island, but the reality is none of us were never heard from again.
Believe me, some folks know what happened to us — and their descendants now own a piece of a casino. That really ruffles my ruff, which is the fashionable, fluffy white collar we all wore in the 1600s.
What was the fate of the mutineers?
Well, on the way home the crew made a few stops to acquire supplies and get killed by natives. The ones who finally made it back were questioned and then of course nothing ever happened. So, they’re like politicians.
If you could do it over, what would you do differently?
With the knowledge I now possess, instead of Hudson Strait I would have named it Henry Greene is a Mutinous Prick.
Many thanks to Shirley MacLaine for channeling the spirit of Sir Henry Hudson using crystals and a vintage Ouija Board.
