Accept, Embrace, and Move On

“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

The “Year of Covid-19” has intentionally helped me to appreciate all the people and things that are a large part of my life, but that many times, I fail to appreciate on a day to day basis fully.

• The teachers and administration of my kids’ elementary school
• My kids, who do need attention due to their age, but are so well behaved
• My husband, a physician, who has so much compassion for his patients as well as all those around him
• All of the community frontline workers who help sustain aspects of everyday living, including grocery shopping, mail delivery, and sanitation needs to name a few.
• My parents, in-laws, and friends who give my family and I the much needed emotional comfort

But most importantly, I am thankful for the guidance provided by my guru, His Holiness Mahant Swami Maharaj, whose compassion knows no bounds. One of his key messages has been to focus on samp, or unity, within our families and with friends, colleagues, and the community at large. This practical life lesson seems especially helpful in a time when most of us have to be with each other a lot more than usual and hence encounter a higher chance of conflict. I have heard from several of my friends that the biggest challenge they face is that they see all of their family members all of the time, which has resulted in an escalation of tensions at times.

I have learned that to achieve a foundational basis of unity, one must first understand oneself, attempt to understand those around us, and, most importantly, communicate openly and frequently with others.

Understand Oneself

By understanding oneself, one gains the ability to recognize where certain feelings, disturbing or elating, are rooted — our trigger points. For example, if there was a disagreement with a family member, where is the sense of discord rooted in one’s heart? Is it an expectation of support or appreciation or praise? Or is it one’s ego? Or is it that the other person’s action didn’t meet one’s standards?

With continuous practice of such introspection, one can immediately recognize the root cause of their feelings and further give one the ability to control better the reactions that are an outcome of those trigger points.

Understand Others

The next step in achieving family unity is to understand others around us. Understanding others does not merely mean to understand their point of view. Instead, understanding that even though all human beings may be flawed, they still have some good in them that we fail to see.

Therefore, whenever a breach occurs of one’s trigger point by another’s behavior or speech, trying to think of several good qualities of that person before reacting would inspire a calmer atmosphere and help keep the peace.

Everyone has at least some minute habits, or quirks, that even if they tried, they would not get rid of them. One ought to recognize those habits and embrace them. For example, if one spouse is extremely obsessed with the cleanliness of their home, then the smallest piece of dirt on the floor can set them off on a cleaning spree. Without proper understanding and acceptance, this obsession can drive the other spouse up the wall. In our household, we have tried to imbibe this understanding by imbibing the motto, “accept, embrace and move on.”

Communicate: The More The Better

The final, but most important, part of family unity is communication. A family is built upon its foundation, the couple, that are bearers of the family. If the couple doesn’t get along, the family is bound to break at some point. Through a concept called ghar sabha, or home assembly, initiated by my late guru, His Holiness Pramukh Swami Maharaj, family members can get together at the end of the day to openly communicate and learn from each other. It is meant to be the practical implementation of the saying, “a family that eats together, prays together, plays together, stays together.” Ghar sabha gives one insight into the thoughts of one’s family members. It highlights all of the family members’ positive attributes and increases respect and love amongst each other.

This concept of dialogue, communication can further be applied to resolve problems within our community. Right now, some believe that opening schools and having face-to-face teaching is crucial to saving our country from an economic disaster. Yet others believe it is more important to safeguard one’s own life and that of others in society, and so, schools should not have face-to-face teaching. Of course, many other factors play a part in what our leaders can and cannot do.

There was a mandate from the governor of Florida to have schools open, with full-time, in-person, face-to-face teaching. This mandate made me very nervous, given the current state of affairs in our country. So, I started looking into other options right away.

Our school district officials did a great job using the concept mentioned above to have open dialogue before coming to a decision.

The teachers were agitated, as they would have to put their lives in danger to keep their jobs. Parents, like myself, were scared as well. It all seemed very unfair. So, the district school first heard everyone’s opinions in a survey and then a public hearing. Then, they agreed on a plan to give students three options, one of which would be keeping the kids at home and virtually engaging with their teachers who would be teaching from school. This way, the parents wouldn’t have to become teachers, and they would continue working. And if most parents did choose this option, the teachers would benefit by decreasing the volume of kids coming to school, and hence, better chances of social distancing and sticking to the CDC guidelines. From what I understand, most parents chose this option, and those who absolutely could not, will still be sending their kids to school. The state approved the plan, and my friends and I are satisfied with the results. Communication was the key to finding an approach that worked for all. It may or may not be ideal, but right now, it seems like it will work well.

COVID-19 has taught us to appreciate the liberties that we take for granted. Like any significant state of emergency, this pandemic has forced us to come together and find solutions. Now is an excellent time for introspection and self-improvement.

Komal Brahmbhatt
Orlando, Florida