How to Make Sense of the Unexpected
Rewind to last summer — a hot evening with fireflies. Two friends sitting in a backyard, participating in a staple for summer nights — making vegan s’mores over a fire pit. Two dogs joined the two friends, and while one was content with chasing the fireflies, the other, a puppy, was firmly standing at the foot of the chairs, eyes on the s’mores.
Conversation that evening was interrupted by well-timed whines and whimpers from a puppy that was sure to show his displeasure at being excluded from the chocolatey goodness that was being constructed.
One friend laughed and shooed the puppy away because both humans knew that the s’more could be fatal to the young canine. This fact, however, was unknown to the puppy and so he stayed right where he was, vocalizing his opinion of us.
As I think back to this snapshot of last summer, I think about all the instances I have been the puppy in the situation of life, whining incessantly for things that I wanted but were never actually meant to be mine.
Life, Unplanned
Think about the following scenarios. Have you experienced any of them?
- It’s the day your final grades drop. You know you’ve put hours of work into studying, preparing, and practicing — you can just feel it, that “A” is yours. But when the grade shows up after you’ve refreshed your screen a million times, it’s barely a “C”. And what’s worse, when you call your friend who has floated by the past semester, she shares that she got a high “B”.
- Imagine you’re up for the open promotion at work. You think you’re an absolute shoo-in for it — you have the seniority, the credentials, and the proven work ethic and skills. You made it through the rounds and are now a finalist, but when the job is announced — it’s the coworker you can’t seem to get along with that is being promoted.
- What about when you finally settle down into a state and town, and you get news that your job wants to transfer you to another region of the United States. It is so unexpected and out-of-the-blue that you start to question why it has to be you and your job that has to move and start over again?
The fact is that we all see where we want to be in our family life, our career path, and our financial goals — it’s a linear path to what we would identify as success, as happiness, as finally dotting all the i’s and crossing all the t’s. But what happens when the investments or business ventures fail, when we are rejected from jobs, or when happily ever after isn’t so happy after all?
It’s easy to want to throw in the towel — if we can’t get what we are expecting and wanting, then why put all the time and effort into it anyways? Maybe it’s time to leave the major, or the company, or the city. These thoughts consume us and often make us feel like we are the victim. We start to think that it’s only us that doesn’t get what we want, what we think we deserve, and we look at those who do with anger, resentment, and envy.
Do we ever stop to consider that maybe what we so desperately wanted was never actually meant for us at all?
Turbulent Landings
Let’s take a moment to consider the life of a timeless Hindu guru for millions across the globe — Pramukh Swami Maharaj. Throughout his 94 years of life, he inspired countless souls to live a better life, not for themselves but for others. His impact was shown through the celebration of his centenary, which was visited by over 12 million people from all walks of life and from all over the globe. Despite his many roles and responsibilities — a guru, a friend, a confidant, the President of the BAPS Swaminarayan Sanstha — he never felt an instance of anxiety or stress over the events that happened.
January 25, 1974 — Pramukh Swami Maharaj had just departed India for the first overseas tour to spread satsang since the passing of His Holiness Yogiji Maharaj. The air was festive as devotees on both ends of the ocean celebrated the momentous occasion. However, as soon as the plane landed in Nairobi, Pramukh Swami Maharaj and the accompanying nine swamis were not allowed to deplane. In fact, the officials ordered the group back to India without ever touching their feet on the soil of Nairobi!
In this moment, if it was us, anger and disappointment would surge within us. All the time, the celebration, the planning — completely wasted. However, with no words of argument, the entire party returned to India. On the way back, Pramukh Swami Maharaj penned the following, “The wish of Maharaj (Bhagwan Swaminarayan) and Swami (Yogiji Maharaj) prevails. So, one should remain happy. Accept the ways they desire for you. Do not be pained or become miserable.” The next day, he gave his first spiritual discourse and filled the congregation with joy and laughter, the moment completely forgotten from his mind.
Through life’s highs and lows, he steadfastly embraced a sense of unwavering equanimity. While he swam among us in life’s ever-changing currents, he never once felt the pressure of a single drop.
Through this mindset and immense faith, a man who had countless responsibilities, never felt as though he was in control. He knew that there was a higher power at play and therefore, he didn’t have ownership of anything. This allowed him to experience peace, joy, and happiness each and every day.
Let Go & Let God
When we consider our own role in the universe, we are but one of eight billion people on one of eight planets in one galaxy out of the estimated billions that are in existence. We have an understanding of the world as it plays out in front of us but we seldom have the chance to understand the bigger picture.
In our limited world view, we feel as though we know what is best for us, just as my friend’s puppy wanted nothing more than the s’mores we were making that night. We think we are meant to have that job promotion, or the grade, or the life that we have envisioned for ourselves and our families.
But not once do we think maybe the things that we think we want are also the things that could potentially cause us misery in the future.
This is where faith comes in.
Sometimes, when we think of faith, we think of something that is practiced only in the houses of worship, in the Scriptures, or through listening to spiritual talks. All of these actions are important and serve to give us the knowledge of faith and what exists. However, we must learn to practice those principles in all aspects of life. This is what will give us a sense of calm and serenity each and every day.
Just as my friend protected the puppy’s health without him knowing it that summer evening, the belief that God is protecting us from the things that could cause us misery keeps us from drowning when the waves of disappointment threaten to swallow us. It keeps us from the place where anger, resentment, and envy grow because we see others getting what we believe we want.
Instead, if we can live with this belief that we don’t actually know what is best for us, we learn to celebrate all of life’s wins and losses because we know that the things that are meant for us, the things that will help us become into the person we are meant to be, will never pass us by.
On the flipside, the experiences that we go through that disappoint us or leave us feeling failure are also meant for us as they are designed to strengthen us into the person we are meant to be.
This allows us to celebrate not only ourselves but also those around us.
Putting It Into Practice
The next time you find yourself growing anxious of things outside of your control, take a step back and ask yourself:
- Is what I am worrying about something within my control?
- Is there a chance that what I wanted wasn’t meant for me and something better will come my way?
- What can I be grateful for today that has shaped me into who I am to help ease some of the feelings of hurt and anger?
Not a single one of us can control what the future will bring. We must learn to embrace and enjoy that uncertainty with the knowledge that nothing meant for us will pass us by. If we can commit to this understanding, we will find a new sense of peace and calm in trusting the plan that was made for us.
Sneha Patel
