Proximity in Distance
March 11th, 2020:
It was a day that sparked the catalysis of change. As marked by the World Health Organization, the start of a global pandemic shifted the way we lived our lives instantaneously. Panic rose as we struggled to find ways to keep safe; we stocked up on groceries, closely monitored our health, and changed how we operated as social beings. The mandate of social isolation and overall physical distancing brought about feelings of fear, loneliness, and sadness, resulting from the loss of contact with friends and family members. At first, we remained hopeful, seeing the preliminary news reports of lockdowns and stay-at-home orders lasting for, at most, a month. However, as the one-month deadline passed and the uptick of positive coronavirus cases, the question of when we could all eat, laugh, and pray together, hold one another, and be as we are with each other, did not have an answer at any point in the near future.
March 11th, 2021:
A year since the global pandemic was established, we have found ways to adapt to our new normal. Through social media and our personal experiences, we have observed a greater appreciation for social connections. Within weeks of close physical contact ceasing to exist, we found ways to sustain our connectedness. Even those of us who may be more introverted and prefer solitude suddenly saw the value of social connection differently. The care and effort put into planning a social gathering exemplified our desire to enhance our social relationships. It reflected the now memorialized social groups we once used to attend. Family members met by the windows of each other’s houses to see their grandparents and little nieces and nephews. We dropped off care packages filled with home-cooked meals and snacks, especially for those who did not have the means to acquire groceries or cook for themselves. Social gatherings turned virtual as our new invites consisted of a zoom meeting link and an ID number instead of someone’s home address.
As it became safer to relax the social engagement protocols, we excitedly donned personal protective equipment to meet friends in an open space or quarantine for days to ensure our safety before gathering with family members. The moments when we could finally see loved ones we hadn’t seen in months brought about feelings of joy we would have typically never had any reason to feel. Before the pandemic, for example, visiting my aunt and uncle’s house for the weekend was part of my routine. But going months without seeing my aunt, uncle, cousins, and nephews made seeing them for the first time feel like a special occasion. Despite it being like any other weekend, I cherished every home-cooked meal we shared, every game I played with my nephews, and every other typical weekend activity we partook in. I savored every moment I had with my family because as I said goodbye at the end of the weekend, I had come to recognize that the following weekend wasn’t guaranteed.
It seemed hard to imagine how we would cope with the loss of our “normal” social contact at the start of it all, from passing by strangers at the grocery store to spontaneously meeting up with friends for a cup of coffee in a crowded cafe. The range of ways in which we passed through each other’s lives narrowed to a sliver of what we once had. We could not learn from the past, as this experience was a unique one shared across multiple generations. I found that not having the option to see friends and family that I would typically only see sporadically made me crave more time with them. Along with many others in the world at the start of the pandemic, I found myself feeling hopeless that I would ever get to meet with my loved ones. But, I started to pick up on the trending methods of communication that resulted from the mandated physical distancing. A month into the pandemic, a friend, with whom I typically seldom speak, invited me to play virtual Codenames with a few of our friends from graduate school. We were scattered across the country and hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since graduation day. Yet, a simple computer program and the prohibition on traveling initiated a fun gathering that would have never taken place due to any given excuse we would have used just a year before that. Sharing our pandemic experiences and updating each other on all of our lives made me feel closer to anyone than I had felt in a long time.
Family members, who I would only see once every couple of years, started to make regular appearances on my laptop screen, as we found many reasons to host Zoom parties. Even Thanksgiving Day was a good enough excuse for my family members living in the United Kingdom to gather virtually and celebrate being thankful with all of us living here in the United States. Seeing the joy I felt from seeing my friends and family reflected on their faces was touching. Through these events, I began to feel engaged with my social circle in a way that I had never really felt pre-Covid. Even though we could not travel and convene in person, the pandemic stillness afforded me time and motivation to connect meaningfully. I attended virtual birthday parties, game nights, cousin gatherings, baby showers, and holiday gift exchanges.
Alternative forms of social engagements modified the status quo of our social world. Facetime, Zoom, phone calls, and other forms of technology have come from supplementing the closeness of our relationships to being the foundation for maintaining and even widening our social circle. As we start returning to some version of normalcy, let this be an experience we can grow from. The pandemic presented a period filled with loss; loss of social contact, loss of lives, loss of employment, and a loss of a community upon which we were accustomed to relying on. Yet, when many of us predicted to feel alone and unsupported, we adapted to alternative methods of communication and branched our social circle to fulfill the need for support and social contact. We learned how to translate the community we once had into a community that fills our homes and hearts.
Our swift transition to how we connect with others is a testament to the resiliency seen time and time again amongst the human race. Despite being thousands of miles away, we can still feel connected with people and maintain close relationships with them. At the pandemic’s beginning, I thought my near future was bleak, empty, and uncertain. It still is uncertain, yet my year has been filled with love and constant reminders I am never really alone.
Dhira Patel, Los Angeles, California
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Student
