Quiver of Arrows: A Lesson on Unity

Isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown has hit me hard. Being back at work as an educator, I feel the inner loss of connection with my loved ones. Spending quality time with friends and family over Zoom meetings is great, but it’s just not the same. In August, my baby niece was born. All 9 pounds and 11 ounces of her brought us all so much joy! However, since then, my family has had to isolate to keep our young ones and over-65ers as safe as can be. I realize that means I have missed holding my baby niece in the early stages of her life.

As many of us begin to crave social interaction and connectedness, especially approaching the holidays, I am reminded of a story my grandmother used to tell me when I was young. In sharing stories of her life in Nairobi, Kenya, and detailing her favorite memories, this tale was one never to forget. Her words brought so much warmth within my heart that I’d ask her to repeat the story! I could listen to it again and again. This tale taught me the value and strength of unity:

A king once asked for a quiver of arrows. He took one arrow and asked who could break the arrow. A simple man from his court came forward and, with some force, broke the arrow. Then, pulling out the quiver of arrows, the king said, “Let the strongest among you break these arrows.” Then, the strongest man tried, but even he could not break the quiver of arrows. The king explained to his senior courtiers, “See, if you remain united like this quiver of arrows, then whoever the enemy is, they will not be able to defeat you. The kingdom will remain secure and prosperous.”

My grandmother lovingly explained how staying united, like the quiver of arrows, was critical for my family’s security and prosperity.

Despite the growing physical distance, lack of time, bustling careers, and ever-piling personal responsibilities and priorities, this was a lesson to keep. Naturally, I found myself wondering how my family can remain united. It was at this point when I came across the four principles for family unity from His Holiness Pramukh Swami Maharaj:

1) Meet Each Other

To meet is to lay the foundation for family harmony. It provides a sturdy base to build out the remaining steps. And while it sounds relatively simple, it’s often difficult to do.

Very recently, my family virtually celebrated Diwali — the Hindu festival of lights. It’s a special time of the year for us- full of traditions, large meals, festive decorations, and loads of laughter. As we collectively reflected on the year past, we realized how much joy we reaped in merely coming together! Smiles, stories, and so many cherished memories! But why had it been so challenging to find the time to meet one another in the past? Why were we too buried and wrapped up in our own lives? My family understood the value of the time we spent together and instinctively prioritized the other aspects of our lives. We now look for more and more opportunities to see one another — to celebrate each other! And while this pandemic year is unusual, we still meet — replacing the traditional in-person gatherings with virtual celebrations: zoom chat meets, online Pictionary nights, and digital dinner dates! Being present for one another became important for each of us.

2) Praise, Appreciate, and Encourage Each Other

This step was much easier to practice than I had initially thought. By carrying out the first step, I realized how my relationships were developing and transforming! By giving time and listening and talking to others, I now had insight into what was occurring in my family’s lives. It was then easier to praise and appreciate their accomplishments and milestones because I understood their struggles behind them. A few things to remember when putting this step to action:

• Actively listen to others and avoid judgments.
• Extend understanding.
• Be authentic in your praise and appreciation.
• Start small if you’re having trouble.

As an educator, I know the importance of encouraging children. I often pressed upon the children in my family. I would praise my 5-year-old niece when she started to read, count, sort, or said certain “big” words!

But for the rest of my family members, as an extension to Step 2, I started to pay closer attention to the things they did well. I became more proactive in learning about them.

Slowly, I began to see the positive things they were doing at work or their effort into the delicious dishes they were cooking. And in doing this, I began to feel more connected to my family. It made me feel like a part of their lives. When I shared my thoughts and gratitude to them, not only did the smile on their face brighten their day, but it also brightened mine!

More remarkably, I came to realize the following: Just as I understood the need to encourage my young niece to instill confidence, love, and strength in her life as she was growing up, I needed to continue to extend gratitude and empowerment to the adults in my family. I love being an aunt to my niece- she makes me proud! Similarly, I began to see in all the ways the rest of my family makes me proud- their diligence, their patience, their tolerance, their love, and care!

3. Help Each Other

Pramukh Swami Maharaj’s motto of “In the joy of others, lies our own” motivates me to help others. My joy is dependent upon the support I can provide to others. Whether it’s helping an aunt pack boxes to move to another house, cooking meals to support a new mother, donating to a cousin who is running a race to fight cancer, or babysitting a grandchild — helping others has begun to bring me happiness.

Practicing this step, I realized that this desire to help others with no expectations could only be cultivated when there is a genuine investment in the person — in their joys and their successes. At the core, there must be love and understanding. Only then will the desire to help others come with ease.

4) Above All, Exercise Forgiveness

Though this step is difficult, I know it works. Many years ago, I misunderstood my best friend, which led to a falling out. We stopped talking to each other. It was needless to say that while I was still hurt, I missed her immensely. After about a year, I decided to mend the relationship. I approached her and asked for her forgiveness. She lovingly opened her arms for a hug and her heart for our friendship. She forgave me for my grave mistake, for which I am eternally grateful. Whether we ask for forgiveness or whether we grant it, we must exercise it to stay united. Holding on to past mistakes and grudges destroys.

It causes discord in the family, and begins to consume us, leaching into everything we do.

Forgiveness takes strength. Forgiveness requires us to be brave. And, forgiveness is the surest way to happiness and family harmony.

Reflecting on these five steps, my family has resolved to remain strong, united, and unbroken — just like the quiver of arrows my grandmother often referenced!

Deepa Gohill, Educator, Literacy / Numeracy Coach
Toronto, Canada