Can You Hear Me Now?
“Can you hear me…?”
“Hello…?”
“How about now? Is this better?”
“Yes?… Great!”
These phrases now feel all too familiar, as we adjusted to a new way of interacting — a new way of connecting to one another post-pandemic.
Consider a different type of connectivity. Not internet or Wi-Fi connectivity, but the connectivity with the individuals around us. If connectivity is good or high, we listen with understanding and spend quality time with the person. On the other hand, when the connectivity is bad or low, we tend not to take the time to listen. And if we do, we often listen to respond or to drive our own agenda.
But do we truly listen with our hearts and our minds? Many times, when we find ourselves getting ignored at work or within family discussions, all we want to do is stop and shout, “HELLO? ARE YOU LISTENING? DO YOU HEAR ME?!”
When our connectivity is low, we are less aware of the world around us. For example, we may find ourselves not realizing someone is behind us and letting the door shut on them. We may be absent-minded while looking down at our phone on a 32-floor elevator ride, not noticing that the only other person in the tiny metal cube is crying. Low connectivity is having a meeting with someone who has been sick and not taking a moment to ask them how they are doing. We can roll through life with low connectivity, but will that bring us joy? Does it bring joy to others? Does this low connectivity serve me?
And the truth is, we all want better connectivity! We all want to be heard!
Personally, I want high connectivity…to myself, to others, and to God. But HOW?
My late guru Pramukh Swami Maharaj would often use the time reserved in his schedule for food or sleep to listen to the difficulties of devotees. He would read their letters or listen to their problems, empathize with their emotions, and guide them with solutions. Only after taking the time and the heart to do that, would he then carry on with his schedule.
Growing up, my mentors at the mandir, a Hindu place of worship, created similar experiences for me. Jeejna Patel, an incredible woman who has become a dear friend, held the role of leading the women’s activities at the BAPS Swaminarayan Mandir in Toronto. Holding many responsibilities, she would receive many calls, attend meetings, and was very busy with the planning and implementation of various events around the mandir. One thing that always struck me is no matter how busy she was, and no matter where she was rushing off to, she always took the time out to say hello and ask me how things were going in my life. She listened with empathy and compassion just as my guru did.
Not only does the younger generation tune into the high connectivity but the seniors at the mandir do as well. A volunteer leader at the mandir, Chandrakant Sachdev is an elder within the community. Holding this prominent role, he is naturally a very busy and popular man. However, each time he sees me at the mandir, even if we are just passing each other in the corridor, he stops in his tracks, asks me how I am doing, looks me in the eye and waits for the answer. There have been many occasions when he was speaking with important guests, yet he still took the time to greet me and make me feel special.
This made me reflect on the many times that I rush past people I haven’t seen for a while at the mandir, or in the workplace because I am on a mission to get somewhere or get something done.
When such individuals have taken time out for me (even when they are clearly in a rush), they listen with their minds and hearts and their eyes express their genuine care for me. It touches my heart, and it does not go unnoticed. I know they are moving about their lives with high connectivity.
In my role as an instructional facilitator with my district’s school board, I visit many schools, support many teachers, and work with many students. I also see MANY emotions! I notice how children scream for attention through their behaviors. If we were to just give a little time, a little attention, slow down in our conversations, and truly listen with our hearts, I know we would see a difference in this world. Just as Jeejna, Chandrakanth, and my guru do.
I used to find it difficult to connect with teachers and wondered why fewer teachers wanted to make the time to work with me. With some guidance from my supervisor, I realized that it was important for me to build a connection with them if I wanted them to receive my messages. After discussing this with my supervisor, I reflected on her advice. I also reflected on my experiences and teachings from the mandir. I recalled one quote specifically from the Yogi Gita scripture. It states, “One must build connection and love before any message is received.”
At that point, I decided I needed to build higher connectivity and love through the act of listening. The teachers don’t want a solution to their vent. They just want to vent for the sake of venting! So, I provided them with a platform to talk, and my goal was to listen. At times I asked questions about what they shared and at other times I simply validated how
they were feeling. I committed 5–10 minutes of our time together to having this informal dialogue before moving forward with the task at hand! Ever since I started this practice, I noticed a huge shift. I want to listen more to build connections. I want to listen to show that I care, and I want to listen to truly connect on a deeper level with the individual.
One day, I asked my brother what I could do with my niece on our special auntie-niece day together. I suggested rock climbing, a visit to the bookstore, maybe some crafts, baking cookies, and swimming. To that, my brother responded with something quite wise (which he often did), “Deepa, kids just need our time.”
While all of those activities are fun to do together, he was right. Even if we sat down and had a conversation, played with some Lego or dinosaur figures, or created a work of art, she would be just as happy because I was giving her love and attention!
Through the inspiration of the various individuals at the mandir and my family that have taught me the importance of ‘high connectivity’ through listening and genuine care, I have learned that to build relationships, we need to be in ‘high connectivity mode’! This means we must listen to people in the moment but also remember the conversation later. How do they take their coffee? What allergies or food sensitivities do they have?
What are their preferences and interests? When are their children’s birthdays? In general, we need to connect with people for who they are. This takes genuine listening.
I recently was gifted a ‘Sound Bath’ meditation by a close friend of mine for my birthday. I had no idea what to expect, except I knew that the sound bath meditation would help to release stress, tension, and fatigue through sound healing which has a presence in many cultures as a natural remedy. Waves and vibrations of sound through wind and percussion instruments floated through the air, through my body, and into my soul. It was an experience like none other I had had before!
I had a chance to truly relax and thoroughly listen to the sounds I was hearing. It was as though I was being forced to listen and not just listen but listen to understand. Listen to feel. To reap the benefits, I had to listen with high connectivity. But this time, I had to connect the sounds to myself! Toward the end of the meditation, we all had the option of joining in with the chanting and making sounds from our throats. As I lay there, vocalizing sounds from my body and soul, I felt something incredible. Because I was in tune with everyone else in the room at that point and because I had high connectivity, I was able to hear the various tones, pitches, and sounds of each person. It was one of the most magnificent experiences I have ever had!
I realized that listening with intent can only happen if I practice listening to myself. After the sound bath, when chanting the aum mantra as a part of my daily worship, I feel the desire to want to feel the vibration within. I want to listen to myself with higher connectivity.
So next time someone is ‘screaming,’ “CAN YOU HEAR ME”, whether it’s through their words or actions, take a moment to look them in the eye with high connectivity and say, “Yes. I hear you. I’m listening.”
Deepa Gohill, Toronto, Canada
Educator
