We’re In This Together
In her now-famous graduation speech for the Yale Class of 2012, Marina Keegan said, “We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.” She further added, “It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team.”
On the evening of July 30, 2023, I thought about Keegan’s words as I felt this exact feeling, the opposite of loneliness. I was seated in a tent at the BAPS Swaminarayan Akshardham complex in Robbinsville, New Jersey. To my left was my fiancé and immediately next to us, our parents. In front of us, we could see our family and friends smiling at us, all present to celebrate with us in our happy place. Around us in this large tent were fourteen other beautifully draped and decorated mandaps, or pavilion structures, each with other couples and their guests engaged in the event. The warmth and infectious energy emanated from the near one thousand people present. It was the evening of our engagement, one of the most special days of our lives.
This summer, as part of the ongoing Festival of Inspirations at BAPS Swaminarayan Akshardham, volunteers helped organize two very special events: lagnas and sagais — marriages and engagements for numerous couples. For months, my fiancé and I knew that we wanted to participate in this event. In the Gujarati community, the engagement, also known as sakar nariyal or gor dhana, marks the official coming together of the families and memorializes the intent of the couple to get married. Akshardham represents all that we want as the foundation of our marriage. It is a reflection of selfless service, togetherness, and harmony — all values which we hope to foster in our relationship. It is a symbol of our rich Indian culture, one that we wish to pass on to our children one day. Most importantly, it is a mark of our Swaminarayan faith, and we want God to serve as our guiding light throughout our lives together. This summer was particularly special because our guru, Mahant Swami Maharaj, was also present at Akshardham. We could think of no better way to officially commence our lives together than celebrating with our loved ones in our happy place in the presence of our beloved guru.
For the samuh sagai event, BAPS volunteers served as our event planners, decorators, caterers, and so much more. Leading up to the event, volunteers provided us with information on logistics of how the day would run. They provided us with preferred lists of vendors, a list of items to bring, and photoshoot locations. Each minute detail of the day was taken care of by the volunteer team.
The morning of samuh sagai began with the darshan of Mahant Swami Maharaj with our immediate families. He personally blessed our rings and decorated coconuts, which are sacred symbols of auspiciousness and prosperity in Hinduism. He also gave his blessings and wisdom for a healthy marriage. He counseled us that marriage is a pledge to remain loyal, to share everything, and to spend quality time with one another. He advised us to focus on being the best partner rather than seeking the best partner. Receiving these blessings alongside our parents and the other couples reminded me that although marriage is not easy, we will not be on this journey alone: we have each other, we have our community, and we have the blessings of our elders and our guru to guide us. The morning with Mahant Swami Maharaj perfectly set the tone for the rest of the day and reminded us of the values we want to instill in our lives together.
When we arrived at our tent that evening for the engagement ceremony, we were greeted by personalized signs for each couple, a beautifully decorated and lit mandap, and all the ritual items perfectly arranged for us. At each mandap also sat a dedicated volunteer to assist us with the puja vidhi (rituals). We didn’t personally know the volunteers, but they had poured such time and dedication into making our special day the best it could be. During the vidhi, the pundit walked the fathers through the ritual where the father-in-law promises to take care of his new daughter-in-law as his own. Witnessing my father and father-in-law embrace at the end of the ritual was a beautiful moment I will cherish forever.
Another moment during the vidhi also resonates deeply with me. During it, the pundit performing our vidhi remarked on the uniqueness of such a group experience. He encouraged us not only to celebrate the love between the couple, but to look around and cherish the love of all who brought this event to life. I recall looking around the tent at that moment. I felt incredibly supported, not only by my fiancé and our families, but also by all of the volunteers who had come together to make the day possible, and by the thousands of guests present to witness this occasion of togetherness. It wasn’t quite community, and it wasn’t quite love. I was feeling the exact opposite of loneliness.
Akshardham is a beacon for spirituality, it is an architectural wonder, and it is a cultural center for people from all walks of life. But most of all, Akshardham is a place where we can come and find an abundance of people who are in this together, people who are on our side. It is where we come to feel that feeling that we crave in life: the opposite of loneliness. It is a feeling that brings me utmost joy and peace, and I am immensely thankful to have found it here.
Roma Gujarathi, Westborough, MA
Lawyer
