The Seven Stages of Psychological Development
Richard Barrett
If we look at evolution from the Big Bang to the present day, we notice two types of adaptation: physical adaptation and psychological adaptation. As far as life on Earth is concerned, prior to the appearance of Homo sapiens, these two types of adaptation progressed in parallel.
Physical adaptation led to species evolution, and species evolution was accompanied by psychological evolution — an expansion of conscious awareness and concomitant increase in intelligence and connectedness as seen in the evolutionary shift from fish to reptiles, from reptiles to mammals, from mammals to the genus “Homo” and from the genus Homo to the species known as Homo sapiens.
When the Homo sapiens arrived on the evolutionary scene, the evolution of the genus Homo stopped being about physical adaptation and became all about psychological adaptation — personal psychological adaptation and collective psychological adaptation.
Survival challenges and changes in human living conditions triggered new stages of individual psychological development which in turn led to new stages of collective psychological development.
The symbiotic relationship between individual psychological development and collective psychological development resulted in an upward spiralling of conscious awareness characterized by an increasingly expansive sense of identity — less separation and more inclusion.
Personal psychological evolution
There are many models of human psychological development, each of which describes the process of personal psychological growth in slightly different ways. The Barrett Seven Stages of Psychological Development Model is similar to most other developmental models but differs in one important aspect. It looks at human development through the lens of ego-soul dynamics — the development of the ego, the alignment of the ego with the soul, and the activation of the soul consciousness.
Between the moment we are born and the time we reach physical maturity, around twenty years of age, we pass through the three stages of ego development: surviving, conforming, and differentiating.
By the end of the third stage of development, we are either aligned with the worldview of our parents and the community/nation in which we were raised, or we have rebelled against them. Rebelling not only requires courage, but it also involves high stakes — the possibility of exclusion from the group.
The first three stages of ego development are primarily driven by what Abraham Maslow referred to as deficiency needs. Deficiency needs can be divided into three main categories –survival needs, safety needs, and security needs. If we are unable to get these needs met our ego will develop fear-based limiting beliefs such as:
- I do not have enough of what I need to feel that I can survive
- I am not loved enough to feel that I belong.
- I am not good enough to feel secure in my group.
Only if we can transcend these fears, can we move to the individuating stage of development, and thereafter to the self-actualizing, integrating, and serving stages of development. These higher stages of development are driven by our desire to satisfy our growth needs — to become all we can become, to fulfil our potential.
The individuating stage usually occurs in our 20s and 30s. The self-actualizing stage usually occurs in our 40s, the integrating stage in our 50s, and the serving stage after we reach our 60s. Sometimes these stages can occur a little earlier or a little later.
However, it must be recognized that most people never get beyond the differentiating stage of development because they have fears about being able to meet their survival, safety and security needs or they live in authoritarian regimes that prevent them from meeting their growth needs. For example, in the former USSR, you could get sent to prison in the Gulag Archipelago for individuating — expressing your opinion or vocalising your criticisms of the regime. The same is true in modern China, North Korea, and several other nations with autocratic leaders.
At the individuating stage of development, we discover our true self — the self that is hiding behind the mask of the parental programming and cultural conditioning that we developed early in our lives to get our deficiency needs met. Only by letting go or mastering our fear-based beliefs are we able to transcend the individuating stage of development.
At the self-actualizing stage, we discover our unique self — the self that aligns with our innate gifts and talents and reflects our soul’s purpose in the world.
At the integrating stage, we connect with others through our empathic feelings, and use our gifts and talents, to make a difference in peoples’ lives.
At the serving stage, we spend what remains of our lives contributing to the wellbeing of humanity and the planet through acts of selfless service.
The stages of personal development
The Surviving Stage
The surviving stage begins at conception. For the first three months of life in the womb, the growth of the embryo is controlled by our species mind — our DNA programming. The species mind guides the development of the embryo into a foetus with a body-mind that regulates the workings of our internal organs to create biological stability.
Once the baby is born, the task of the body-mind is to keep us alive by learning how to manipulate our external environment so we can get our physiological needs met. Because of our species programming, the body-mind instinctively knows how to manage the body’s homeostatic functioning, and once the baby is born, it knows how to suckle and how to attract attention if it feels any discomforting sensations.
Although the body-mind knows how to react to the discomforts it feels, such as hunger, thirst, being too hot or too cold, it doesn’t know how to alleviate the sensations it is experiencing.
If the baby’s reactions (grimacing, crying, etc.) to discomforting sensations result in the discomfort going away, it feels in control of its world. If, on the other hand, its reactions go unnoticed or are ignored, it becomes increasingly distressed; it becomes fearful about its ability to get its needs met.
If the primary caregivers of the baby are not vigilant, or if the baby is abused, left alone for long periods of time, or abandoned, the baby will form subconscious limiting beliefs that the world is an unsafe place and people cannot be trusted.
If, on the other hand, the primary caregivers of the baby are attentive to its needs and are watchful and responsive to signs of distress, then the baby will grow up feeling it can control its environment, that the world is safe and people can be trusted.
At the survival stage of development, love is experienced through the satisfaction of our physiological needs. This is when the body-mind experiences stability. The body-mind experiences instability — a lack of love — when its needs are not met or when it feels abandoned and uncared for.
The Conforming Stage
Towards the end of the surviving stage of development, the infant becomes mobile and learns to communicate verbally. This is when the emotional mind (limbic brain), which has been developing in the background, becomes the dominant interface with the world. The focus of the emotional mind is on safety and protection. The body-mind goes on to function as the physical interface with the world.
The task at the conforming stage of development is to feel safe and protected by learning how to fit into our social environment and experience a sense of belonging so we can meet our emotional need for love.
At the beginning of the conforming stage of development, the child may resort to temper tantrums to get its needs met. The young infant has not yet learned how to separate itself from its needs. Neither has it learned that the people it depends on for its survival and safety may have competing needs. If the primary caregivers give in to the child’s outbursts, the child quickly learns that behaving ‘badly’ is a good strategy for getting its needs met. When this happens, the primary caregivers’ lives become intolerable — they become totally ruled by the children.
If the child’s primary caregivers are attentive to the child’s needs, if it is raised in a caring, loving environment where it feels safe and protected, then the child will grow up without any fear of forming relationships and will readily conform to society’s norms of behaviour.
If, on the other hand, the child’s primary caregivers are unresponsive to the child’s needs or abuse and punish the child, then the child will grow up to be cautious and fearful in forming relationships.
At the conforming stage of development, love is experienced through the satisfaction of our safety and protection needs. This is when the emotional mind experiences stability. The emotional mind experiences instability — a lack of love — when its safety and protection needs are not met, and it learns to believe that it is not worthy of love.
The Differentiating Stage
Around the age of seven or eight, the rational mind (the neocortex), which has been developing in the background, takes over from the emotional mind as the rational interface with the world. The emotional mind goes on operating as the social interface with the world, and the body-mind goes on operating as our physical interface with the world.
The task at the differentiating stage of development is to feel seen — to feel a sense of self-esteem and experience a sense of self-worth.
When the child becomes a teenager, it starts to explore the world outside its family environment. To feel a sense of security, teenagers must find ways to be recognized and respected by the people in the groups they belong to or identify with. They feel they must prove that they are worthy of belonging to the group. There are three ways that teenagers normally get their recognition needs met — ways in which they can stand out from the crowd.
By displays of physical strength or beauty: If you are a man, this means showing you are strong or powerful; or if you are a woman, being attractive or sexy. I refer to this as aspect (1) of differentiating.
By displays of knowledge and learning: This means becoming a good student and being smart; coming first in class at whatever you do. This is the route that teenagers usually take for getting their recognition needs met from their parents. l refer to this as aspect (2) of differentiating.
By displays of status or influence: This means having the latest gadgets or the most fashionable hairstyles or clothes — looking cool and thereby influencing others. This is the route that teenagers usually take for getting their recognition needs met in their peer group. I refer to this as aspect (3) of differentiating.
The path teenagers take to get their respect and recognition needs met depends to a large extent on the relationship they have with their parents. If teenagers have a good relationship with their parents, they will naturally feel seen, and appreciated; when they grow up, they will tend to adopt the worldview of their parents.
If teenagers have a poor relationship with their parents, they may turn to an authority figure or a clique, gang, or peer group to get their recognition needs met. In this case, they will tend to adopt the worldview of an authority figure in their lives or the peer group to which they belong.
It is important to underline that the experiences people have in the first 20 years of their lives have a strong influence on the worldview they adopt as adults. At the differentiating stage of development, love is experienced through the satisfaction of our security needs — by being acknowledged by others as being worthy of membership in a group. This is how the rational mind experiences a sense of stability. The rational mind experiences instability — a lack of love — when its recognition needs are not met.
The Individuating Stage
Around the mid-twenties, we begin to feel the need for autonomy and freedom — to break the chains of dependency that keep us tied to the parental and cultural framework of our existence. We want to become responsible and accountable for our lives; we want to explore our own beliefs and embrace our own values; not the values and beliefs that our parents or our community have thrust upon us.
The task at this stage of development is to discover who we really are behind the mask we learned to wear to get our needs met during the surviving, conforming, and differentiating stages of development.
For those who are fortunate enough to have been brought up by self-actualized parents, and lived in a community or culture where freedom and independence are celebrated, where higher education is easily available, where men and women are treated equally, and where people are encouraged from a young age to express and think for themselves, it will be relatively easy to move through the individuating stage of psychological development; that is, as long as they can find work that enables them to make a living — work that gives them a sense of autonomy.
Many people find it difficult to extract themselves from the influence of their parents or the community in which they were raised, even when they are financially independent, because they are still seeking the love and respect that was denied them when they were young.
Others, such as those who live in authoritarian communities or repressive regimes, may be afraid to express themselves: they fear being punished or being locked up for speaking their truth.
Thus, if we were brought up by controlling parents, if we live in an authoritarian regime, if we are discriminated against because of our gender, sexual orientation, religion, or ethnicity, and we have fears about being able to meet our deficiency needs, we are likely to have difficulties moving beyond the differentiating stage of development. Our fears will keep us anchored in the levels of consciousness that align with the first three stages of development.
The Self-actualizing Stage
If we successfully master the individuating stage of development by the time we reach our forties, sometimes a little earlier and sometimes a little later, we will experience a desire to explore and express our unique gifts and talents. The task at the self-actualizing stage of development is to find a meaning and purpose to our life.
Uncovering our sense of purpose brings us a sense of vitality and sparks our creativity. We experience a state of flow — being present to what we are doing and feeling committed and passionate about our work.
Mastering the self-actualizing stage of development can be challenging if our vocation or calling offers less security than the job, profession, or career we chose or trained for when we were teenagers or in our early twenties. We may feel scared or uncomfortable about moving in a direction that does not allow us to earn enough to pay our rent or mortgage or finance our children’s education, but does bring a sense of meaning to our life. Therefore, it is important at this stage of development to master our survival fears.
It is also important, especially for women, not to deny their self-expression needs. Women in their forties often have a partner, children and ageing parents that have needs, and the burden of addressing these needs usually falls on women, leaving them little time to focus on their own self-expression needs.
If we deny our self-expression to take care of our family’s needs, or we deny our self-expression because we are afraid that we will not be able to survive, we will eventually become depressed. Knowing we can survive and take care of our needs gives us the confidence to self-actualize.
The Integrating Stage
If we were successful in traversing the individuating stage and found our sense of purpose at the self-actualizing stage, when we reach our fifties, we will want to use our gifts and talents to improve the wellbeing of others. To do this, we will need to learn to collaborate to leverage our impact in the world. Connecting with others who share our calling, and with those who will be the beneficiaries of our gifts and talents, is essential for mastering this stage of development.
To connect and support others, we will need to tap into our emotional and social intelligence skills and display empathy towards others. We need to feel what others are feeling if we are truly going to help them.
Knowing we can handle our relationship needs — that we are lovable and can trust ourselves to love others — gives us the confidence we need to successfully manage the integrating stage of development. These are the needs we normally learn to master at the conforming stage of development. In addition, we must shift from operating independently to operating interdependently.
Some people get so wrapped up in their “work” at the self-actualizing stage that they are unable to make the shift to the integrating stage. They get lost in their creativity, focusing only on their self-expression, rather than the larger contribution they could make. Working with others in service to the universal good is more likely to bring a sense of fulfilment than working on your own at this stage of your life.
The Serving Stage
This stage of development usually begins in our early sixties, sometimes a little earlier, sometimes a little later. The focus of this stage of development is on selfless service. We feel a desire to contribute to the common good. Having a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-confidence will enable us to make our gifts and talents available to those who need them. These are the needs we normally learn to master at the differentiating stage of development.
The task at the serving stage of development is to be of service and improve the wellbeing of all those we meet on our journey through life.
It does not matter how big or small your contribution, what is important is that we make a difference in the lives of others. Alleviating suffering, caring for the disadvantaged, and building a more loving society are some of the activities we may want to explore at this stage of our life. On the other hand, your contribution may be simply being kind to those you meet or caring for the life of another soul.
As we enter the serving stage of development, we will often find ourselves becoming more introspective and reflective — looking for ways to deepen our sense of connection to our soul and beyond our soul to the deeper levels of our being — connecting to whatever we consider to be the divine. We may become a keeper of wisdom, an elder in the community or a person to whom younger people turn for guidance or mentoring.
As we make progress with this stage of development, we will uncover new levels of compassion. We will experience feelings of well-being and fulfilment that we never experienced before. We will begin to see how connected we all are; how, by serving others, we are serving people who are part of our larger identity.
Why is all this important?
It is important because we will not evolve as a species if we do not help people to satisfy their deficiency so they can individuate and self-actualize. We need to birth a new worldview that prioritizes self-actualization and inner development.
You can find out more at the websites: www.humanityawarenessinitiative.org and www.barrettacademy.com.
If you are a coach, you can contribute to this cause by learning the principles of evolutionary coaching. Register for my FREE Evolutionary Coaching Webinar on February 18th 2022: https://tinyurl.com/evolutionarycoaching
