18 Signs You’re Talking To A F*ckboy

Cuffing season is coming to an end, but don’t think that’ll derail the f*ckboys, so stay alert my friends! Recently, I’ve noticed them everywhere, and my patience for games is waining as I enter my late twenties.

Dating apps seem to have emboldened the players making the avoidance of f*ckboys all the more rigorous. Gone are the days of being set up by your friends or casually bumping into the love of your life. Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming that one day I might meet future bae during one of my travels. Operative word being daydreaming.

In the meantime, I’ve complied my telltale signs for how to spot a f*ckboy, saving you the heartache, hours of therapy and a providing myself a much-needed reminder. I can’t lie.

Disclaimer: all of the signs below are inspired by IRL f*ckboy interactions. (You know who you are — cough — Chad! )

1. Tries to slide in your DMs telling you you’re beautiful like you don’t already know.

In the digital age, men like to think it’s fair game to slide into someone’s DMs to comment on their appearance. When in reality, it’s muy creepy. It’s 2019, do not do that! If we’ve graduated from using tacky pick up lines at a bar, let’s not bring that nonsense into cyber space.

That direct message gets an automatic delete.

2. Texts you “wyd.”

Really? He can’t even be bothered to write out a whole sentence? At least think of a unique question like, “What was the last thing you ate today?” Or “What are your thoughts on [insert anything not sexual that indicates you can read]?”

3. Calls you without even asking if it’s okay!

While this might make some women happy and think “Wow, he called,” this is a big no-no for the anxious, like me. Sexier yet, I’m super busy and hyper-Type A (turned on yet?) and need to mentally prepare to talk on the phone with someone. Actual voice-on-voice action means that I’m giving you my undivided attention, something exclusively reserved for business, my parents, abuelita, and very close friends. So if you call I assume it’s an emergency and you’re dying because it’s 2019 and we can text, tweet, DM, Whatsapp, etc.

4. Doesn’t set a fixed time/day for a date and asks to hang out last minute.

As grownups (or is that too bold an assumption?), we live by our schedules and don’t have time to sit around waiting for an opening in yours, i.e. your other date to fall through. As boss women, please request a date with a set time and place. When a man takes the time to plan something, it shows consideration and attention to detail.

5. Has a picture of himself with a puppy that isn’t even his.

Ayyyy, que lindo. His puppy is so cute! This seems harmless, right? Wrong! He knows this is the ultimate female swipe-right-bait. Girl, you are being lured.

6. Posts shirtless pics exposing chiseled abs but no face.

You probably want to lick the abs, and the truth is, that’s probably all he wants too. He might as well label his bio “Hello, looking to get laid and this is what I’m working with.” Hey, if you’re DTF, go for it, but know there isn’t much more potential here. Also, no face in the picture is pretty suspicious. Are these even his abs? #StayAlert

7. Calls women “crazy.”

Flagrant use of the “c” word is a major red flag.

Protip: The way he talks about other women is precisely the way he’ll talk about you. But if you’re not ready to drive such hardline, dig a little deeper. Don’t assume his side of the story is actual fact, try to clarify the context.

Maybe he ghosted or is a horrible communicator? Stay far away.

8. Relies on you for emotional labor.

Okay, he’s trying to sort out his life, but somehow feels free to come to you every time he needs hand holding? Remember: You are not free therapy and this behavior places an unfair burden on you. Run away and remember to set boundaries with everyone!

10. Sends you an unsolicited d*ck pic…

For me, it’s a hard no. But no shade if you’re into it, what I’m curious to know is: did you request it? Or were you just casually chatting, inquiring how his day went at work, when BAM.

Also, let’s dissect even further. What made you think this would be an effective strategy? Did he even get a decent angle? No, because there are none. Move on girl! Y dile, “no mames güey!”

11. The only women he DOES HAVE in his photographs are provocatively dressed or at a party.

Does this guy frequent the wax museum because he seems to use women as props, or is he just meeting rando’s on weekends? All signs point to man-child status. Pass!

12. He literally told you he isn’t looking for something serious.

This is the biggest red flag that we often, willfully turn a blind eye to. Believe people the first time when they show you who they are. If you are on the same page, go for it and have fun, but never go into any form of relationship thinking you are going to change the other person’s mind.

As amazing and wonderful as you are, don’t forget: you do not need a relationship to validate that. If you are choosing to date, then you deserve someone who meets you in the middle, respectfully.