Postmortem Limericks
What better way to eulogize this year’s failures than with nursery rhyme poems?
Lottery Losers
Charlotte Hornets
There once was a tall, lanky feller
Whose hair was the shade of Old Yeller
As his post moves were few
I had not a clue
That the Hornets were dead without Zeller
Detroit Pistons
Reggie Jackson was hampered by bum knees
And less fun than an ad for MeUndies
The whole team took a dump
But thanks to Donald Trump
Stan made us all love the Van Gundys
Miami Heat
Despite Spoeltsra and Dragic’s fightin’
The playoffs simply were not in the writin’
While the other teams play
All the Heat will vacay
In the warm waves along Waiters Island
New York Knicks
No matter what a poet proposes
Do not stop to smell the Derrick Roses
But all sins are forgiven
With the triangle system
Or so Phil Jackson’s dumb ass supposes
Philadelphia 76ers
His Twitter account is quite witty
Though his knees, quite sadly, are shitty
With his skills at the rack
On his large and broad back
Embiid carries the hopes of a city
Orlando Magic
A twin tower lineup is great
When the year is 1998
But Bismack with Vooch
Is a way to screw the pooch
This team’s in a godawful state
Brooklyn Nets
For the fans who have tanking fatigue
Fear not! The Nets bring intrigue
With a traded first rounder
There’s no reason to flounder
Yet they still finished last in the league
New Orleans Pelicans
AD sure can finish an oop
And Boogie’s smooth with the up-and-under swoop
But the rest is a mash
Of D-League and trash
The Pelicans sure are bird poop
Denver Nuggets
Jokic can score, but you know this
He can pass, and his footwork’s a bonus
A big man like this
Makes us all reminisce
Of the late, great Arvydas Sabonis
Dallas Mavericks
With the excitement of a convenience store clerk
The Mavs season was kind of a jerk
But 30K is a feat
That won’t often be beat
Thank the lord for the man they call Dirk
Minnesota Timberwolves
22 now routinely erupts
But the Wolves lost LaVine and his ups
One more year we can wait
For this team to be great
When the KAT leads the team of young pups
Phoenix Suns
This team is so young and athletic
And yet, if I’m being prophetic
There’s no 1, 5, or 3
And no passing or D
So next year they will still be pathetic
Sacramento Kings
Of a trade, Vlade said, “there’s no hurry”
But then Cousins was gone in a flurry
Pundits claimed they were dead
“Oh, relax” Vivek said
“We acquired the next Stephen Curry”
Los Angeles Lakers
You know that your season is shit
When a front office coup’s your big hit
They’ll make up for it all
With the first ping pong ball
Adam Silver will make sure of it
