Confessions of a Chauvinist

I was brought up in a family that cares much for women in and out of my family. My family taught me how to care for others especially women, how can you look upon them and so on.

It had taught me that

1. Women shouldn’t be let to suffer by any means.
2. Women should be protected by all means.

I was very happy and a little proud that I had been brought up with such attitudes for I had managed to earn some respect among the women in my environment all along my life.

But today, when I look back, I feel ashamed of being a chauvinist with such thoughts. What is chauvinistic in such thoughts?

I will rephrase the above two points to highlight my hidden chauvinism.

1. Women shouldn’t be let to suffer — Why should she go to a job and suffer? (In Tamil — Eduku ava velaiku poi kashtapattukutu?)
2. Women should be protected — Keep them completely inside the home and they’ll be protected. (In Tamil — Nee veetla aa Rani mathiri iru)

I had had an attitude that would say any man who expects her woman earn is no man. I used to say that woman are so special that they should be taken care of by men, (right inside the home).

This was all until I saw the movie 36 vayathinile. It shows the lead character in her college days and after marriage.

An intelligent and independent college student leader would have been transformed into a dumb and depending wife to an ordinary man who obviously had less intelligence and leadership in his own college days.

Something stuck me and I began to observe things around me and I could find this inside every family including mine. I know a lot of girls in my college who are far sharper than most boys and I believe the same would have been the situation even before a generation.

So, what makes a bold girl less intelligent over the years and a man more intelligent over the years — as shown in the movie?

I feel it’s the suppression that our families puts on a girl after she completes her college and the independence that the same family gives a boy after he completes his college.

The sad part is even women choose to consider this themselves valid. Yes, sadly my mom supports the decision to restrict my sister from having big dreams, with or without realising that its biased. And my sister is starting to accept this and restrict her dreams as well.

While I don’t blame them for being so but I morally feel responsible for being the part of the society that injects them this attitude as a fundamental social construct.

What is the matter of civilization if someone couldn’t get something they wish for no reason on themselves?

What is the matter of all these years of techno social advancements if still someone is afraid of pursuing their own dreams and way of life?

What is the matter of all these centuries of evolution, if half world’s population is required to have a day to celebrate just to remind the other half that they are also present here?

Things struck me so hard that I started to think how I should live in my 36 years of age.

In my 36 vayathinile, I wish

— That no matter who they are, anyone will have the right to be what they wish to be.

— That someone’s abilities are NOT determined by the nature of their birth, but by the behavior they choose to have in their lives.

— That I see every women around me who would work hard to prove that there’s nothing special in being an independent, ambitious and determined woman and they just don’t need a day to celebrate themselves, for every day in their life will solely be theirs.

— That I see men and women realizing that the term women empowerment is a bullshit, for every woman will be able to empower herself without anyone else’s help, if she is not being suppressed at the first place.

— That every man is capable of differentiating the thin line that separates “caring” and “caging” a woman, how here Tolkien had beautifully worded 100 years ago.