Report: Family Divided Between Michigan, Ohio State Spend Thanksgiving Dinner Discussing Politics

DAYTON, OH — A Thanksgiving family gathering consisting of members tied with both the University of Michigan and Ohio State University opted to discuss the less volatile topic of United States politics and current events instead of the high-stakes football game between the two schools’ top-5-ranked teams this weekend.

In order to avoid discussing The Game with his Ohio State cousins, Neil Stokes, a Michigan alumnus, asked about his family’s opinion of the recent Kyle Rittenhouse ruling. “I think the ruling was fair but he’s an idiot,” he said, and while his cousin, Amber Stokes, a student at Ohio State who wouldn’t otherwise talk to Neil due to the intensity behind the rivalry, agreed with the perspective. Warren Day, Neil’s brother-in-law and fellow Wolverine, boasted Rittenhouse’s bravery and considered him an “American Hero”, a sentiment that was shared by Amber’s father and Ohio State professor, Doug Stokes.

As the night continued, the family peacefully discussed the effectiveness of the BLM protests, the COVID vaccine mandates, and Joe Biden’s handling of the economy. “Biden didn’t cause the Suez Canal to be blocked by that ship and screw up the world supply chain,” claimed Nancy Day, who roots for the Wolverines due to her husband’s influence.

“I think he could have done better to mitigate the crisis as it was unfolding,” said Amber, creating the most tense moment of the night. As the Michigan fans sat awkwardly, the Buckeye faction proceeded to lambast Amber for saying a word that contained the letter M.

The night fell into chaos when Amber’s boyfriend Brad Porter, a graduate student at the University of Cincinnati, arrived and immediately talked about how excited he was for his team to potentially face Ohio State in the College Football Playoffs.