UW Saves Jimmy Lake from Embarrassing Apple Cup Loss

SEATTLE — On Sunday afternoon, the University of Washington athletic director Jen Cohen announced a change of leadership within the Husky football program, relieving Jimmy Lake of his responsibilities of head coach and saving him from experiencing an embarrassing Apple Cup loss at the hands of rival Washington State.

“This is the best move for everyone,” said Cohen in a statement released by the university, “As athletic director, I must always act in the best interests of our student-athletes, our department, and Jimmy’s ego. No one wanted Jimmy to succeed more than when I hired him in 2019, but ultimately, this change is necessary for a variety of reasons.”

“I mean, did you see him trying to trash talk Oregon last week? There’s no way anyone could recover from that. I can’t imagine what he would say about the Cougs. I has kept me up at night to be honest. I’m glad we don’t have to experience that now.”

Despite losing to FCS Montana and not creating anything exciting on the field, Lake went after the Ducks team, claiming that his team had more “academic prowess”. The Huskies lost to Oregon 26–16.

“We appreciate Lake’s commitment to and focus on his student-athletes’ educations,” said university president Ana Mari Cauce, “Unfortunately people don’t go to Husky Stadium on fall Saturdays to watch students take exams. That would honestly be kind of boring.”

“Although, it’d probably be more exciting than the current Washington football team,” Cauce added.

Many have been critical of Lake’s tenure as head coach at Washington. Reveled as a fantastic defensive backs coach and recruiter, his transition to head coach had been rocky, plagued by poor recruiting, bad assistant hires, and horrid in-game management. The downward trajectory of the season has the Huskies in dire straits, at risk of not qualifying for a bowl game for the first time since 2009 and losing the Apple Cup for the first time since 2012.

“As an athletic director, I need to make the best decisions for the athletic program,” Cohen continued on Sunday, “but as a leader, I need to help my employees rise to the best of their abilities. I am afraid that an Apple Cup loss on Lake’s shoulders would have been too much for him to handle in his career moving forward. We want what’s best for Jimmy and his future as a coach. This is the best decision for everyone involved.”

The university announced that in his place, defensive coordinator Bob Gregory will take over as the coach to lead the Huskies to their eventual loss to the Cougars on Black Friday.