Oops.

Jessica Gallagher
Aug 24, 2017 · 6 min read

Well hello there. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I left you in Amsterdam. Sometimes life gets out of hand, and a change of scenery can make things better. I know you’re all dying to know what I’ve been up to, right? Well, I’m not going to tell you anything juicy. I’ve been busy with work and my non-profit. More on that later. Most importantly, I think I’m going through a midlife crisis. For those of you who have known me for all of my 30.99999999 years, you know that lifelong midlife crises run in my family.

Guys. I signed up for a half-marathon. 13.1 miles.

The weird thing is, I feel like I’m going to crush it. That’s probably surprising to most of you. I used to be so bad at running, but here I am, running about 22 miles a week. Yeah, I’m surprised too. What’s even more surprising is that my PR is 8'13". EIGHT MINUTES AND THIRTEEN SECONDS! I’ve never truly considered myself a runner until about 3 weeks ago, when I signed up for the half. I used to struggle with a 15-minute mile. I guess I’ve come a long way. Everyone has their own thing that they do to relax. I’ve tried them all. Literally nothing clears my mind more than running. I can’t think of anything else other than not dying for an hour and a half. It’s exactly what I need. So, you can catch me running through the 718 with my woes every other morning and running through Prospect Park every Sunday evening. I figure I’ve got about 5 years left of good running. I was a dancer (ballet, get your mind out the gutter) for 19 years. I’ve got wonky hips and knees. I can’t do this forever.

Speaking of ballet and midlife crises, I started dancing again at the Joffrey Ballet School. The first class was rough, but I can confirm that I still remember 100% of ballet French. Coincidentally, my instructor is from Louisiana and danced under some of the same instructors as me!

Ok, enough about me. During my hiatus, I didn’t get to share with you guys something very important. Bernie turned 6 on July 2nd! I want to tell you her story.


Around the time that Boogey was 5, it dawned on me that he was staying home watching Food Network on TV for 10+ hours a day. He needed a friend, right? A dog or cat was completely out of the question, but a sister… What could go wrong? Every. Damn. Thing. This story has a happy ending, but it’s not the ending that I wanted.

Judge me all you want, but Bernadette Matilda Gallagher came from a breeder. Remember all of those allergies that I told you about in previous posts? Well, it turns out that they carry over to certain rabbit breeds. Mini rexes are one of the best breeds when you need somebunny who’s hypoallergenic. We found a breeder right across the river from Baton Rouge in Port Allen who claimed to have had a 4 month old blue mini rex. She was “imperfect” due to a minuscule tuft of fur on her back that wasn’t quite blue enough. She couldn’t be a show rabbit, so the breeder was just going to “breed her out.” The breeder wouldn’t share pictures, so off to Port Allen we went!

Look, I know Bernie didn’t come from a rescue, but I sure as hell rescued her. She lived the first 4 months of her life without human interaction, outside in a tent in South Louisiana where temperatures soar well past 100 degrees plus humidity, and she was living in a tiny wire cage. She could barely move. You really have to see it to understand. It was terrible. She was coming home with me no matter what. To this day, I still think she’s fucked up from that. I would be too! She’s good at holding grudges, just like her mom.

So, here’s the funny thing — that night we learned that someone lied to us. Either Bernie was a standard rex, or Boogey was a mini rex mutt. Check out these pictures of both bunnies at 4 months for comparison.

Yeah, so SURPRISE! Bernie is HUGE! She’s currently more than double the size of her older brother and is tipping the scales at 7 pounds. She’s like a small, angry dog. Here they are in present day:

Yikes. Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve figured out, these siblings do NOT get along! Bernie is very aggressive and territorial. She also growls and snorts and snores. Both bunnies are fixed, so I think she’s just cray cray. She’s also very skittish and not a people person like Boogey. Anyone in the world can walk up to Boogs and pick him up for a snuggle. To pick up Bernie is an elaborate process of praying, bargaining, and bloodshed. IF you can catch her, she’s quite the snugglebun — but only with people.

Now, before all of you bunny experts out there start telling me what to do, yes — I have done it all. I have tried everything. Need proof? We put Boogey and Bernie in a laundry basket on top of the washer while it was on the spin cycle in hopes that the noise and movement would make them turn to each other for comfort. We’ve also put them in a kennel together and taken them on multiple car rides, where I would have to sit in the back with oven mitts to pry them apart when they’d fight. Yeah. Come at me, Internet. It’s just not meant to be.

I’m not going to lie, the past 6 years have been tough at times. We’re so used to Boogey’s personality, and Bernie is the exact opposite. While it’s been less sunshine and rainbows and more thunder and tornadoes, Bernie is absolutely hilarious and so so hard to resist — especially when there’s food involved. I know she loves us. I know that she just wants attention from Boogey, who’s just too laid back to care. Boogey might be my soulmate, but Bernie is my mini me.

We love you Bernie Bean!


PS — I won’t take another hiatus like that again. Thanks to everyone for putting up with me for the past few months. You know who you are.

Bayou to Brooklyn

Started from the middle now I’m here.

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Jessica Gallagher

Written by

Hustler. Girl Boss. Solopreneur. Unicorn.

Bayou to Brooklyn

Started from the middle now I’m here.

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