The Secret Behind Carmelo Anthony’s Slump
In less than a month we’ll get to see the early results of the Carmelo Anthony/Houston Rockets experiment. Since leaving the Knicks, Carmelo has spent more time than ever defending himself from online haters. It seems like the trash talk is getting to him. I believe Carmelo when he says he doesn’t care about Instagram commenters or trolling bloggers (myself included). The only people, if there are any, truly capable of shaking the confidence of the future Hall of Famer are his peers, fellow NBA players.
Before he took the court for the Thunder, pundits agreed the best version of Melo would be “Olympic Melo.” Olympic Melo can share the floor with other superstars. Olympic Melo doesn’t need to dominate the ball to be effective. He would do whatever necessary for the greater good of the team.
Instead we saw a defiant Carmelo off the court, a player who scoffed at the notion of coming off the bench. The Thunder started the season trying to divvy up possessions between their three stars and that would have been fine except for one glaring problem: Carmelo Anthony wasn’t making shots. The main reason Melo was labeled a ball hog in Oklahoma was because every time he missed it was a reminder of a shot attempt that didn’t go to Russell Westbrook or Paul George. But what really was up? Shooting is usually the last thing to go with age. Melo was supposed to extend his career by moving to the four and stretching the court.
Melo’s problem is shooting is mental, and there’s one thing that has been weighing on his mind that no one has brought up and Melo certainly would never mention: Carmelo Anthony’s shooting efficiency took a dramatic dip since his wife, La La Anthony, started doing sex scenes with the white guy in Power.
The couple separated after Melo allegedly impregnated a New York City stripper. When he removed his trade clause so the Knicks could trade him to OKC, he did so knowing his wife would NOT be moving there with him. His extramarital affair, because of the pregnancy, became public, an embarrassment to the family for certain. Buuuuut, the steaminess between Melo and the stripper is not available on-demand to anyone with a Starz subscription.
Kevin Garnett once told Carmelo during a game that La La, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios” and Anthony reportedly had to be pulled away by teammates and security from attacking KG on the Celtics’ team bus.
You wonder why he’s bricking shots now? NBA players love Power. What’s not to like? It’s got 50 Cent and a character named Ghost. And now, on occasion, it has Carmelo Anthony’s wife’s breasts bouncing in erotic ecstasy. And who cares if the guy she’s with on the show is white? He’s one of the main characters and someday we’re all going to be the same color from so much cross-race breeding. This is just speculation, but one group of players that I’m guessing wouldn’t let this detail go: NBA players, especially, NBA players guarding Carmelo Anthony and trying to force him to miss.
According to interviews with La La, Carmelo and her remain “best friends.” Carmelo is a professional athlete who’s made a career on his ability to tune out distractions. But the fabled incident with KG may point to Melo’s sore spot. La La and him have been together since he was 19 years old. The difference between three points and zero sometimes comes down to a quarter of an inch. Any distraction, no matter how miniscule, can mean a missed shot. “I saw the scene with La La and Tommy,” when Melo’s mid-jumper, could be the NBA equivalent of, “Your mom’s going out with… Squeak!”
The irony of course is Carmelo had real sex with someone other than his wife, which produced a real pregnancy, while his wife is having fake sex on television, which is producing real problems for Carmelo, if only imagined. This year with the Rockets we’ll hear that Carmelo needs to change his mental approach. He needs to check his ego and take a more humble role on the team. Maybe his conditioning could be better or he’s forcing plays that aren’t there. I’m telling you, if La La Anthony’s character dies or gets written off the show, we’ll see the Olympic/hoodie version of Melo we’ve all been waiting for and only Carmelo, and maybe Kevin Garnett, will know why.
