Breaking The F*ck-Boy Gaze
Ladies do you remember when we were little girls watching Cinderella and having fantasies of finding our perfect Prince Charming? Remember how in the movie the prince stopped at nothing to find the owner of the glass slipper? He wanted that ONE girl. No matter how many girls threw themselves at him, he only had eyes for her. Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, and every other princess in the fairy tales we loved, got her prince. We vowed to stop at nothing until we found a Prince Charming just like Cinderella.
As time went by and we got older, we still held on to the fantasy and convinced ourselves that we had to kiss a bunch of frogs in order to find that one special guy. We also convinced ourselves that we deserved the fairy tale “happily ever after,” and no matter how nice the guy was, if he did not check all the boxes, we quickly moved on. When friends or family remarked that we were too picky, we hummed “Someday my prince will come,” and kept it moving. Next, please.
But a strange thing happened while we were humming along in fairytale land — our Prince Charmings did not get the memo. Instead of sweeping us off our feet, the guys were sweeping us out of the door. The glass slipper we thought only fit us was made out of plastic and stretched to fit any size. Who flipped the switch? What is this alternate universe we are living in? Where, oh where, is our Prince Charming?
Well ladies, Prince Charming still exists in 2020, but he’s no prince and he is less than charming. He can be found on every social media platform. You’ve seen him, perfectly white teeth beaming out at you from the screen. Our parents called them bad boys or players. We call them f**kboys (a label they even proudly claim). According to the urban dictionary, a f**kboy is “a guy with the body of a man and the mind of a perverted teenager. He has no heart — just a penis that he uses to paint the town.” As in, “Kenny is such a f**kboy, only sending snapchats at 2am.”
What is the allure of this man-child? Why are there are hundreds of social media sites devoted to these men. Is there something unique to the 21st century that breeds this particular type of man?
Urban dictionary calls the condition f**kboy syndrome, and identifies it as “a chronic disease, in which a chemical imbalance located between the testicles and brain that causes the affected male to act and think in a distorted and perverted way. No one knows the exact cause of F**kboy Syndrome, but it is said to be both genetic and conditioned. If this disease is left to manifest, it will consume the f**kboys life and actions.”
Social media glorifies f**k boys and or toxic relationships. On Tik-Tok, the video sharing social media app, there are hundreds of videos of women posting about their experiences with f**kboys. They are fully aware that they are being mistreated and even draw on a clown face as they tell the story. They refer to themselves as clowns.
The videos generate a lot of interest and, in turn, more and more women post videos about these types of men. According to writer Carina Hsieh, in her article, “Why you can’t let that F*ckboy Go,” the hot and cold behavior of this type of guy can be addicting and some women enjoy the challenge. She warns that an f-boy can turn a confident in-control woman into a confused and clingy shadow of herself. Hsieh notes that according to break-up coach Nancy Dean, some women feel accomplished when they win the affection of an f-boy. “As odd as it sounds, if you are in a relationship with someone who gives off love on a part-time basis, then there may be a part of you that enjoys the subconscious chase of the game you’re playing with yourself.”
It must be noted, however, that the f*ckboy phenomenon is not limited to gender, nor sexual preference. F*ckgirls are just as notorious as their male counterparts. College senior, Amy Weiner proudly acknowledges her status as a f*ckgirl. “It’s not just boys. I know for a fact that I am a proud f*ck girl. Life is too short and I am too young to be committed to just one person. I mean what’s the fun in that? I think right now I’m talking to about five or more different people. I keep this on the low because society would just label me as a whore and I’m to classy for that label.”
But the f*ckboy label is more than simply dating lots of people or having numerous sexual conquests. According to Fayetteville, Georgia psychologist, Dr. Susan May, the culture of the f*ckboy or f*ckgirl has its roots in the inability to commit. “These people are classic commitment-phobes. It’s the same product, just wrapped in different package. It is grounded in the fear of abandonment. These people often times feel that they have more emotional control if they reject the person before they can be rejected.” Dr. May also believes that social media has created a false intimacy in relationships, and that people think that they know each other better than they actually do. “In the past it would take months to get to the level of intimacy that people now achieve in a matter of days through social media.”
Even the lyrics in mainstream music reflect the bad behavior of f*ckboys. For example, the song, “Boys Aint Sh*t” by SAYGRACE is a major hit. Her song is essentially an anti-f*ckboy anthem in which women are encouraged to reject the bad treatment and love themselves enough to demand more from a partner.
Milah Kimble, SCAD sophomore embodies this rejection of f*ckboys. “I don’t know why women put up with men treating them like toys? It’s absolutely ridiculous, my mother always told me that if a man doesn’t treat you like a princess then you don’t want him. I feel like every girl should listen to my mom, cause it’ll surly save you from heartbreak that you don’t need in your life.”
The story would not be complete if I did not share my own experience with a f*ckboy. He gave himself the nickname, “Ghost,” which should have given me a clue. All of my friends warned me about his reputation, but in all honesty the fact that he was known as a f*ckboy just intrigued me even more. We met on Instagram and lavished me with attention until I agreed wo go out with him. We dated for three weeks, during which he repeatedly said that he was ready to finally make it official and I was the one. Week four came and I had still refused to have sex with him, and there was no week five. He ghosted, just like his nickname.
With that being said ladies, lets hop off the band wagon of f*ck boys, finally say goodbye to them, start practicing some self-love and be our own Prince Charming in this fairytale and that’s on period.
