Loneliness Epidemic

Elise Sinagia buttoned up her winter coat and slipped on her gloves. She’s 65-years-old and goes to the park daily. She travels alone, walking out into the cold. She saw her breath cloud the air and felt the cold bite into her skin. She passed shops and hotels in Atlanta, occasionally glancing in the restaurants along the way. She saw people sit at tables, heads down, eyes on their phones. Sinagia huffed but continued. It’s a sight she’s seen more of- young people not talking to each other. In a city as densely populated as Atlanta, it seems people were still alone in a crowd.

She’s not the only one noticing, though. In January of 2018, the UK appointed a “Minister of Loneliness” to address what people are calling an epidemic. Sinagia agrees it’s a problem. She read the studies where loneliness has been shown to correspond to mortality. Despite this, she still believes there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Sinagia’s husband works 14 hours a day. When he’s not home, she is alone, but she doesn’t feel lonely. She talks to friends on Facebook, goes to the park, and travels around the country. She doesn’t count herself part of the millions of people who report feeling lonely. The Health Resources and Services Administration reports at least one in five Americans feel socially isolated.

“We’re living in a world now where it’s so easy to sit at home and have food delivered to you and watch Netflix. You could go a whole weekend and not see another person and have all your needs provided for and then you have this sudden craving for human interaction…” Nichole Palmietto said. Palmietto works with an immersive theater group, Found Stages, in Atlanta, that aims to bring people closer to together.

This goal is not only theirs, however. The Silver Line is a telephone helpline that provides lonely UK residents with people to talk to seven days a week and 24 hours a day. There are similar helplines in the US, too.

Catherine Anderson, whose mom works for one such service, is familiar with them. To her, the importance of good relationships can get you through the hardest of times, and the unconditional love she received from her family helped her overcome her rejection.

“Recently, I was rejected from my dream job, but James supported me, and so did my parents and my sister,” she said.

It’s one of the strongest benefits of good relationships. Elise Sinagia remembered how, when her father died, her friend took Sinagia with her on a college visit. They ended up studying together and kept in touch for over 40 years. Sinagia doesn’t see enough of that among the younger generations. She stepped into the park and headed for the track. There were no birds singing, just the gravel under her feet. What will be the future of long-term relationships?

For Arieh Perez, student at UCLA, it’s going to be dependent on time and trust.

“[People] have to work and make money to live, so there’s no time to invest in relationships,” he said.

People are so busy with work or school that they can’t devote themselves to the people in their lives, let alone be trusting. Personal difficulties with connecting to others can make it much harder to build those relationships.

“It’s hard for me to get into a relationship because I had a bad experience. When I start to get interested, I’ll look for flaws or psych myself out- I get really in my head about it,” he said, explaining that when there’s someone he might want to be friends with, he looks for reasons to not be friends with them.

Brittany Piddington, a graduate student at Rush University, says it’s more than that.

“Loneliness is a vicious cycle,” she explained, “It’s hard to pinpoint, but I feel loneliness the most when I have a relationship but it’s not available.”

She mentions another factor that contributes to loneliness- boredom. When there’s no one to talk to and nothing to do, the question of how to spend your time can have no easy answers. Both Piddington and Perez agree that distractions can take your mind off loneliness, but it never really goes away.

So, where does that leave us? It seems like there are so many things standing in the way of making meaningful and long-lasting relationships. Without them, what would the ideal relationship look like?

“It’s about security,” Perez said, “Having someone with you- it’s harder to fail. You feel more confident.”

For Piddington, it’s about what you do together, “it’s not just play but also talking about your emotions and deeper things.”

Piddington remembered the talks she had with her mother about staying positive and helping others. Her mom taught her to always be thankful and generous, and Piddington admires her for how she always put her kids first. One day, when she was 13, Piddington heard that her friends had suddenly decided to get ice cream together. Her mother, tired from working on their deck, shook her head when Piddington asked to go.

“I’m too tired. We’re not going,” she said.

Piddington froze. Her mother rarely said no, and her friends were having fun without her! How was it fair that she had to stay home while the rest of them went out? Why did mom have to work on the deck and get tired out from it? And what should that have to do with her? Piddington stomped to her room and imagined her friends laughing together, eating ice cream without her.

“When you’re a teenager, your friends are your whole life (…) I thought the world was ending,” Piddington laughed. She explains that when you’re younger, you are more concerned with your friends than your family. As you get older, however, there’s a shift when you realize what your family has done for you.

“I didn’t think about it as a child. I thought that’s just want moms are,” she said. Like her mom taught her, Piddington is very grateful for the life she lives.

So is Sinagia. The support and love from her husband and his family mean so much to her. She’s grateful to keep in touch with her friends, for their health, and for her husband’s job. There were only a few people at the park, spotting the track and fields with red and black winter coats. Some listened to music and kept their heads down while others greeted her as she passed. Many walked dogs and played with them. There was a couple on a park bench. They met online in 2014 and started talking. Marcela was single for 10 years before meeting Jack, but she knew he was the one she wanted to spend her life with. Five years later, she moved to the US to live with him. They usually stayed home together, eating or watching movies. Marcela still worked for the same advertising agency she did in Mexico, and Jack worked for construction.

He pointed to a pile of leaves blowing in the wind, “Look, it’s like a mini tornado.” It’s the sharing of those little moments that bring them closer.

Marcela looked and smiled. It did look like a little tornado. Elise finished her walk and headed home after the sun warmed her up. Piddington will see her mom soon and enjoy Thanksgiving. Everyone needs someone to go home to. Loneliness can stand in the way of that through phones, employment, boredom, fear, etc. There are many reasons to stay home, but there are just as many to leave it.