Why Men Struggle in Romantic Relationships
As a bisexual woman whose best friend and long time housemate is a successful straight man, I have often pondered this (and probably too often delighted in teasing the man in question).
Sitting on the couch one day, both of us single at the time, we decided to download Tinder and try our luck. What followed was a very interesting insight into the male psyche, while compared with my own take on courtship via the app.
It was immediately clear that my mate had EXTREMELY high standards of physical attractiveness, despite there obviously being a discrepancy between his own attractiveness and what he sought in a partner. Stewart*, who owns his own business, is very smart and hilariously funny, but eats about nine meals to the average persons’ three a day and expects to find a rich, well-bred Rocket Scientist Miss Universe who will marry him and hand over her inheritance.
I asked him why his expectations are so high given he’s no Adonis, and is often only wearing underwear with holes in them while sitting on a couch strewn with empty pizza boxes.
“Well, I’m not going to go out with someone unremarkable,” he said. “Why bother? I’m reasonably happy sitting on the couch watching House of Cards and eating Huxtaburger; I’m not putting myself out there for a gremlin.”
What’s interesting here though is, Stewart rarely puts himself out there, if at all. He lacks confidence when it comes to the opposite sex, despite his being an impressive person with a great business, great conversation and a great sense of humour.
Interestingly, the last date he went on, he was unhappy with so many traits the woman exhibited that he’d already made up his mind to cut her off even before the halfway point.
I think where men go wrong in finding and maintaining romantic relationships, certainly where Stewart is concerned, is their inability to see what is most important in a relationship, combined with their own feelings of inadequacy. Massive generalization here, but they are focused on the wrong things that have no longevity.
But often, this goes for both genders. Talking to single people of all ages, it’s clear that many long-time singles have the same issue: they expect too much of their partners, while at the same time, seem to have low self-esteem themselves.
So why DO men struggle in relationships? Because, often, while they long for Miss Universe Rocket Scientist, they also have the confidence of some kind of bottom-feeding sea life. So they give themselves unrealistic expectations to protect themselves from any real intimacy.
And, let’s face it, I’d choose House of Cards and Huxtaburger over a terrible date any day.
*names have been changed to protect privacy
