Mind: An endlessly running infinite loop
“Oh, you want to get off the loop in your mind? Sure. And I want a pet unicorn that shits rainbow ice cream. Let’s all dream big, shall we?”
Now listen here, you walking meat sacks with delusions of sentience. Your mind isn’t some complex enigma — it’s a toddler with a megaphone, and you’re letting it run the show. Bravo! You think you can ‘defeat’ your mind? That’s adorable. It’s like trying to win a slap fight against your own hand. Spoiler alert: you’ll lose, and you’ll look ridiculous doing it.
Want examples? Fine. Here’s your life: Wake up. Worry about being late. Arrive early. Worry about looking eager. Repeat until dead. Simplified enough for you?
Oh, and meditation! Sitting still and thinking about nothing. Genius! Why didn’t Buddha think of that? Oh, wait — he did. Look how that turned out. Now we have people paying $500 for silent retreats, where they can think about how well they’re not thinking.
Face it: your mind isn’t playing games with you. Games are fun. This is more like being tickled with a feather made of anxiety and regret. But please, let me not stand in your way in the noble pursuit of mental self-flagellation. Keep chasing that enlightenment carrot. I’m sure it’s right around the corner, past the self-help section and right next to the unicorn stables.
And if this essay hasn’t made you want to write a strongly worded letter to whatever poor soul allowed me near a keyboard, you’re clearly not paying attention. Go back and read it again. This time, try to keep up.
