Are You Sure You’ve Won Her Over?
Her: You don’t love me anymore; you just want my body to satisfy yourself.
Him: I’m tired of being accused of that. I won’t touch you for a month. Maybe then you’ll stop being so insecure!
Understanding Relationship Dynamics
Often, marriage or cohabitation marks the end of novelty and the beginning of routine, which can inevitably affect the couple. This routine sets in when, after a long time together, partners assume that neither will leave, making efforts to win each other over seem unnecessary.
Emotional Discrepancies
A typical scenario is when, over time, the woman, being more emotional, starts to wonder if her husband still loves her, while the man gets tired of this constant questioning. Many say this is a sign of insecurity, but is it really?
We need to understand how we function and where it all begins. Most men and women do not realize how different we are. One fundamental difference is that women are more auditory, while men are more visual. Why is this important? Because it means we function differently and therefore have different needs.
Intimacy and Misunderstandings
When intimacy no longer works, men label women as frigid, and women label men as uncaring or incompetent. A few years ago, I watched a movie where the protagonist said there are no frigid women, only selfish men. Since then, I’ve paid close attention to conversations with various men and women and was surprised to find that most problems stem from the same reason.
Putting aside possible traumas that develop certain insecurities, the general reason is: "He doesn’t pay attention to my needs because he doesn’t love me," and "She doesn’t respect me because she doesn’t appreciate what I do and how I do it." It becomes a problem because the woman doesn’t feel loved, and the man doesn’t feel respected. For a woman, feeling loved is crucial, while for a man, feeling respected is paramount.
Communication and Understanding
However, there is a simple yet complex solution: communication and understanding. Women need to stop accusing, and men need to become aware.
Often, women accuse because they don’t understand their own needs but feel a lack, so they accuse in the hope that he will guess what they need. Of course, this is done unconsciously.
Physical and Emotional Needs
The truth is that most women, besides being unaware of their needs, don’t even know their own anatomy. What can we expect from men then? For example, today there are few women who know that the G-spot is not at the end of the vagina. There is no single G-spot as German doctor Ernest Gräfenberg believed; there is a G-area, which is larger than the single spot we’ve all heard of, and this area is merely an extension of the clitoris. The clitoris is not just that "button" we see outside; it continues on the anterior wall of the vagina like this:
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings, solely dedicated to sexual pleasure and arousal. So, this is good news because it relieves pressure for both men and women.
Addressing Emotional Needs
So what is the problem? It should be simple, right? The issue is that women are emotional and can give up pleasure because their priority is feelings, love, and appreciation.
Think about it: women are so connected to their emotions that they can reach maximum arousal through words without being touched and can achieve orgasm without vaginal contact. When a woman feels loved, sex is the cherry on top of the cake, but if there’s no cake, there’s nowhere to put the cherry. Correct?
Sustaining the Relationship
A man, being a hunter, considers sex as conquering his prey, but women often accept sex with their partner even if they haven’t been won over, mostly to please him or out of fear that he will look elsewhere or call her frigid. The problem is that if these reasons continue long-term, they will develop frustrations, a lack of self-confidence, and "emotional dehydration." They will become so sensitive to attention that when they receive the slightest bit, it will be very hard for them to reject it.
Maintaining Positive Behaviors
We all need to remember how the relationship began: with the pursuit, right? If the woman was more affectionate and available at the beginning, then the same approach must continue. If you won her over by spending time together on dates, talking, bringing her flowers, giving her attention, and complimenting her, these should not stop with marriage; you need to continue what you did initially because that’s what wins her over.
Similarly, if the man was more attentive and available, responding warmly to sweet talk, respectful interactions, and appreciation for everything he did, this behavior must also continue. Nagging, accusing, and complaining will not help anyone. Instead, take a spoonful of patience and start truly listening and acting on what you hear. Observe what works and what doesn’t.
Relationships must involve exploring, learning, and playing to thrive.
By maintaining these positive behaviors and continuously putting in the effort to meet each other’s needs, you can keep the spark alive and build a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.
Practical Solutions for Couples
- Communication Techniques: Use "I" statements to express feelings without blaming your partner. For example, "I feel neglected when we don’t spend time together."
- Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss your relationship, share concerns, and celebrate successes.
- Understanding Each Other’s Love Languages: Learn and practice each other’s love languages, whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
- Maintain Romance: Continue dating each other, surprise your partner with small gestures, and keep the romance alive.
- Education and Awareness: Read books or attend workshops on relationship dynamics and intimacy to understand each other better.
Based on my research and personal experience, sustaining a healthy relationship requires ongoing effort and mutual understanding. Communicate openly, show appreciation, and keep the romance alive. Prioritize your relationship, stay committed, and continue nurturing your bond.
Wishing everyone happiness and fulfillment in their relationships.
