asian-american: one word, two worlds
Trigger warnings: xenophobia, violence, hate crimes, racism, slurs
As a child, I never realized the price of growing up Asian in America. I studied the dictionary definitions of “racism” and “discrimination,” but the concept of blunt and no-nonsense racism never seemed to apply to my life. But, like most Asians, I faced daily microaggressions. My math skills were the subject of backhanded compliments and my Asian-American identity was constantly questioned with refrains of “But where are you really from?”. I begged my mom to make me ham sandwiches instead of gỏi cuốn (spring rolls), all the while wishing that my tan skin was as white as Wonder Bread. The cultural values inherited from my parents — to respect your elders, to never talk back, to defer to the man in the family — were supposed to mold me into the perfect Asian daughter. And yet outside of the house, these values were an open invitation for others to treat me like a doormat.
Instead of embracing my native Vietnamese culture, I did what any other kid would do. I suppressed it to fit in with the crowd. I was a twinkie — yellow on the outside and white on the inside. I thought that bridging two cultures would make it easier to fit in, but instead, my identity felt like a balancing act. At family gatherings, I felt too Americanized. Disjointed greetings and inflections always felt foreign in my mouth. And in school, my tan skin and choppy English only isolated me from my primarily white classmates and teachers.
I was a twinkie — yellow on the outside and white on the inside.
While I was never the target of serious bullying, I developed a defense mechanism early on. I found that keeping my head down was the best way to solve the problem. I would defuse the conflict by changing myself to fit others’ expectations. And it seemed to work — at least, that’s what I thought.
Cut to today. It’s 2021 and the world is caught in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even with the efforts of health experts like Dr. Anthony Fauci, America chooses to believe in fear and violence instead of cooperation and unity. Former President Donald Trump stokes the flames of racial anger by calling the virus “Kung Flu” and “China Virus”. As a result, anti-Asian hate crimes surged to historic highs. New York City reported a 223% spike in hate crimes, while San Francisco recorded a 140% increase.
A Filipino man was riding on the subway when he was slashed with a box cutter. An elderly Chinese woman was slapped and set on fire in broad daylight. An 84-year old Thai immigrant died after being kicked to the ground.
These people have families. Just like my own parents, they sacrificed everything to come to America and ensure a better future for their children. And yet here they are, in the land of opportunity, being killed and maimed because of their race.
Being a twinkie won’t save you from a hate crime — the truth is, nothing will.
Despite the rapid spread of Asian hate, the AAPI (Asian-American and Pacific Islander) community has responded with love and tradition. A GoFundMe by AAPI Community Fund has raised 6.7 million to issue grants to organizations supporting the AAPI community. 3 Asian-American activists formed Stop AAPI Hate, an organization that works to track hate crimes that often go unreported. When the organization was founded in 2020, it recorded 4,000 incidents alone. All across the US, Asian communities are rallying to support their elders, many of whom are vulnerable targets for hate crimes, through food drives and grocery deliveries.
Even though communities are still trying to pick up the pieces, Asian-Americans have united under a single voice, one that calls for accountability and justice. And it is stronger than ever.
2021 has shown me the price you must pay to grow up Asian in America. Most importantly, it’s shown me that no matter how white I try to act, and no matter how I try to hide my culture, I may still be the target of a hate crime. So why not embrace my culture? It’s rich and diverse, just one of the cultures in the American melting pot. Let’s be real — America still has a long way to go. But by answering those hard questions and sparking dinnertime conversations, we can honor the diversity of America for generations to come.
To me, that’s much better than being a twinkie.
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Support the AAPI Community Fund here:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-aapi-community-fund
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Sources:
https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/16/us/san-francisco-vicha-ratanapakdee-asian-american-attacks/index.html
https://abc7ny.com/woman-set-on-fire-elderly-attack-89-year-old-attacked-bensonhurst-crime/6333749/
https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/05/us/anti-asian-hate-crimes-study/index.html
