How Can You Feel at Ease in a Conversation When You Don’t Have the Communication Skills?
Use the SMART method and other tricks that are proving effective for my introversion
If you work in IT, you probably spend more time behind your computer than with your colleagues.
Have you ever felt awkward during a discussion?
Do you find it hard to make yourself understood?
Does the situation seem bizarre?
If so, I’ll take the guilt right out of it. You’re feeling what the vast majority of people experience, without daring to say it.
Communication is the key to the success of any project, even our professional careers and social development. It is even one of the pillars of a company’s financial health. On average, $62 million a year is lost due to ineffective communications — David Grossman’s study.
Having worked in sales for ten years, you’d think I’d be very comfortable speaking. So it’s true that I have no trouble expressing myself and making myself understood, but sometimes I have more trouble than others. I can’t find my words, I’m awkward and I feel confused.
Whatever our experience, communication is essential and requires a little attention.
A blockage amplified by remote working
When I can’t make myself understood, I feel powerless and, above all, totally frustrated. I’d even say it stresses me out.
When I take a step back and look at the situation, I realize that I’m accumulating a number of blockages.
I don’t have to look very far, I work in Tech and we use a lot of technical jargon. It’s not unusual for me to find myself in the middle of a conversation in which I don’t understand a single word. I don’t dare interrupt the exchange, for fear of breaking my colleagues’ train of thought, but also of being misjudged.
I know that many of us feel this way. In fact, 93% of workers believe that clear communication is essential — Employee Benefit News survey. Which proves that we’re all looking for understanding.
Remote working doesn’t make communication any easier either. Some days, I have several meetings in a row, and I don’t take the time to take a break. In such situations, I find it hard to concentrate, despite the effort I put into active listening.
And the Clarizen survey doesn’t prove that our days are optimized. We spend 4.6 hours a week in non-productive meetings.
This intellectual overload tires the mind. It’s at this point that ideas lack structure, they’re no longer very clear and understandable.
How I improve my day-to-day communication
To improve my communication, I work on several fronts.
First of all, I take a step back from what I’m saying. And above all, I ask myself before speaking, if what I want to share will bring value.
If the answer is no, then I keep quiet.
You’re probably familiar with the SMART method, which is used in meetings. I’ll show you how it works:
- Specific: is my message clear and precise?
- Measurable: is my message concrete and quantifiable?
- Attainable: is what I’m saying achievable?
- Realistic: Is what I say relevant or does it add value?
- Timely: is my speech concise or timely?
I write on a piece of SMART paper, and before each speech I look at the acronyms. This serves as a safeguard before I speak.
In addition to SMART, I stand back, observe my posture and what I’m expressing. It’s a habit I picked up from my business training.
The exercise consists of filming two people: a buyer and a seller.
Then you watch the video, which was very embarrassing, but I must admit, very instructive.
This exercise enabled me to correct my biggest flaws, even if I still have a few tics of language.
A smartphone, a speech to present and a lot of kindness are needed to benefit from the analysis.
Another exercise, which is easier to perform, is reading. By reading, you can observe sentence structure and enrich your vocabulary and grammar.
Reading offers a real plus over time. As well as learning, reading is fun, so I use and abuse it.
To complement my reading, I observe the people who inspire me. I watch YouTube videos, listen to podcasts and pick out what seems interesting to reproduce.
In fact, I watch their posture, their ease, how they express themselves.
It’s really instructive to observe others and mimic them. Once you’ve mastered the parry, you can make it your own and make it totally personal and authentic.
Finally, active listening and empathy also play a big part. I really make the effort to listen to what the person is sharing with me, I try to put myself in their shoes. I’m not obliged to share these feelings, but at least to understand them.
This helps me to interact better in the conversation.
There are other strategies, of course, but I’d like to share with you what I find to be effective in my work as a project manager.
In practice:
Here are a few tricks I use to make communication easier.
First of all, I pause in my conversation and rephrase.
Rather than asking the question, I take the idea and put it into my own words. I ask if that’s what the other person is sharing with me.
I give the person the opportunity to confirm or reformulate their idea.
There’s no blockage, and the discussion stays fluid.
I also like to use examples or metaphors to express ideas easily.
I avoid using technical jargon as much as possible, unless I’m sure I’ll be understood. I think this advice is widely shared in the technical world.
And finally, I don’t use long sentences, and above all, I breathe as soon as I feel the stress building up.
These are simple tips, but I think they’re very easy and effective.
You have to work at communication. If you don’t follow a few good practices, it can quickly turn into a nightmare of misunderstandings and misunderstandings.
By taking the time to do things right, you’re already improving and setting an example. It’s not much, but let’s face it, we’d all prefer to avoid having to justify or apologize, wouldn’t we?
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