If I may quote my fellow writer Courtney Capone.
“There are only so many ways you can write about the same thing before people don’t want to read it anymore”. I’m paraphrasing but I thought when I read it, what a perfect line…
It exactly describes how I feel about the great bulk of my writing. And not just that you won’t want to read it, I don’t want to write it. (or even think about the events or the situations from that time).
It was many years ago now and while events gave me a great wealth of material to pick over and ruminate about, It was all ego-driven. It was all misguided, misunderstood and mislabelled. Although well over the losses of that time and supremely grateful for the many benefits that emerged, (not all at once or instantaneously it has to be said) it was a struggle and I had found myself in a position I will be at pains to ensure I am never in again.
And I wonder at times if I will ever truly forgive myself for taking to my heels and running, instead of squarely facing the fact I had done something I’d been asked not to do… and hadn’t had the strength to not be triggered by the actions of others, which my “wrongdoing” was, something that would never have occurred had I not been weak and triggered. Look I apologised, I put distance between myself and my triggerer (that in itself caused more issues). I went with my tail between my legs to ask if we could reconcile. I was…
