I’m (Still Not) Okay

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

I could fake how I appear
Or else I might just go and disappear
There is no room for me to defend
Because after all it always my fault at the outset
Because all I need is merely to bite the bullet

I could act like I don’t care
As if I’m happier and coping well by your absent
I learned my lesson and know rightly that I don’t deserve any self-pity

I couldn’t let you see my broken pieces
Because in the end, you will erroneous my vulnerability
Because for you I’m just a phony

I want to stop caring
About what things bothering your mind
The movie that you just watched
Songs that you preach

I want to wake up feeling at peace
Not drowning in deep remorse
Of something I’m helpless to reform

I want to stop wondering about you
How you’ve been doing
How your hair looks like now
What book you’re currently read

I want to stop calling back our memories
I want to forget how safe it felt when you grasp me by the hand
I want to forget how warm you made me be in your arms
I want to forget how your eyes shine every time you thrilled
I want to forget how your hair bounce every time you tilt

I want to stop being an idiot
Who’s breaking down by passing the chiller in the grocery store

Because they have strawberry milk and I know it’s your favorite

I want to hate you
For giving up to listen
For accusing me of something I don’t
For leaving without goodbye

I want to hate you
I really want to
Perhaps everything will be easier if I do

I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay
Waiting for this feeling fall into decay