International
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.” — Mark Twain
“Wife sez we still got some of the bailout money left and I’m gettin’ a dollar an hour raise in Walmart let’s go to Europe. I sez I prefer cruz then she sez she tired of cruces let’s try culture this time we go to Europe. I sez okay Italy Egypt or England? She sez Greece’s cheapest. Last minute deal Athens an’ two Med’traineen islands.”
“So we’re in Santorini we visit Oia village beautiful place Greek folks live there like that since Adam and Eve. In the p.m. we go to a beach. Wife sez it’s famous ’cause it’s all black sand. Sure enough it’s black as charcoal a lil bit coarse though.”
“Waitress sez in bad English the lounge chairs are free if we order ice cream or drink. I sez two beers. The wife sez you can have mine I’m goin’ in the water. I chug the beers then lay down. No clouds in the sky the sand’s black the water’s blue two beers went down smooth. I sez to myself I never been so relaxed. Close my eyes I’m beginnin’ to drift off.”
“Then most terrible thing happens. I feel sharp pain in my left foot. I sit up and see a fat oryentul man kneelin’ in the sand holdin’ my foot. I sez hey let go off my foot crazy man what are you a foot pervert? Chubster stands up an’ sez he’s foot massage expert. He gives me a business card that show he went to university to become the expert. I sez small world I got my high school equivalency not long ago let’s talk astrology or kwantem physics. An’ my son’s in college to become an engineer. Maybe the two of yoos should get together to compare notes. Tubbo sez he charges an euro a minute for rubbin’ my feet. I sez I give you two if you promise never ever play with my foot again. Jelly belly leaves but now I’m scared to go back to sleep what if another oryentul porker get hold of my feet? Wife comes back I tell her what happened she sez it was jus’ a bad dream. But then we see the lardo rubbin’ a guy’s foot right near us. Client’s ayreb lookin’ fella he keeps moanin’ like one of ’em sex tapes. What a world we live in!”
“Since then I’m a carefree man. No matter what happens in the world even if they announce nuclear missiles are gonna hit us or another deadly pandemic’s all over the country I still go to bed in peace: At least an oryentul tubster didn’t rub my feet today.”
