Be Open
Published in

Be Open

Why Do I Love Someone Who Hurts Me

What’s Wrong In Our Mind

Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

There’s no doubt that there are times when you find yourself attracted to someone who has hurt you in the past. Maybe you even think that you deserve the pain. However, if you really want to move forward in life, then you need to let go of these negative feelings.

In this blog post I’m going to talk about the reasons why you might find yourself attracted to someone that has hurt you in the recent past.

Love Is Pain

Before we start with the reasons, we should always remember that love can be suffering. We all know that it can be painful and difficult to deal with. But what’s inside our heart that makes us love someone who has caused us pain?

The answer is simple: because they’re our soulmate. If you have met your romantic partner and eventually broke up, you will probably agree that it hurts a lot and you experienced negative emotions such as anger, social pain, distress, broken heart and even worse, mental health issues.

These emotional pain will give you tough times, but one day you’ll realize that dark times are part of the process of finding true happiness. A mutual relationship between two people is like a roller coaster ride. It goes up and down, and sometimes it feels so bad that you just want to get off.

Therefore, never give up on your dreams. You must learn how to accept the pain and not feel sorry for yourself. The fact is that you cannot change the past, but you can make sure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes again.

Photo by Žygimantas Dukauskas on Unsplash

Reason Why You Love Someone Who Hurts You

You Are Too Attached To Him

When you first meet a man or woman, you tend to get too attached to them. You start to spend a lot of time and attention with them. When they’re around you, your mind are always thinking about them. You want to spend every hour with them.

When you are too attached to your partner, you tend to accept their bad behavior without question. You also don’t have any boundaries. You allow them to treat you like crap because you feel so strongly about them.

You become blind to all of their faults. It’s as if you can see only one side of them. In fact, you may even be willing to forgive them for anything. This is not healthy. If you want to break free from this type of relationship, you must learn how to detach yourself.

Try to make more friends. Spend less time with him/her. Find other things to do. Try to focus on something else. It takes some courage to leave a person who has hurt you in order to save yourself. But once you’ve made up your mind to cut ties with him/her, you’ll feel much better.

You Are Too Afraid To Let Go

Sometimes, you stay in an abusive relationship because you’re afraid to lose what you have. This is a very common reason why people stay in unhealthy relationships. They are afraid to be left behind by their partners. They are scared to live without them. They don’t want to face the possibility of being alone again.

It is common to be alone after a breakup. Some people will try to avoid this situation at all costs. So they stay in an abusive relationship even thought they know that the relationship will not survive.

It is important for you to know that in any health relationship, both parties should share equal responsibility. No one should hold all of the power over the other. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to stand up for yourself. Don’t put up with his mistreatment anymore.

If you want to end an unhealthy relationship, you must learn to let go of fear. Don’t worry about losing your partner. Instead, concentrate on making yourself happy. Making yourself happy is more important than anything else.

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

You Can’t Trust Yourself

Another reason why you cannot let go the person who hurts you so much is because you trust yourself too little. You think that you are incapable of handling a relationship. You believe that you are just not strong enough to handle a relationship.

This makes you feel weak and helpless. As a result, you give away control of your life to others. You allow them to dictate your actions. This is a dangerous belief. It leads you to make poor decisions. It prevents you from taking charge of your own life.

The truth is that you are capable of handling a relationship. The problem is that you lack self-confidence. You need to build confidence in yourself. Once you gain self-confidence, you will be able to take care of yourself. Then you won’t need anyone else to help you.

In addition to building self-confidence, you need to develop character. Character means having good values and principles. It means knowing right from wrong. It means standing up for what’s right.

You May Think That Your Partner Is Better Than Others

People might get into abusive relationships because they think that their partner is better than everyone else. They think that no one else could possibly measure up to their partner. They justify staying in an abusive relationship because they also don’t want to accept that there are other ways to find happiness.

Your partner may seem perfect to you. But when you look closely, you see that he isn’t perfect at all. In fact, you are just blinded by love. When you fall in love with someone, it is easy to overlook his flaws. He seems like a prince to you.

This is where you should start meeting new people and learn how to relate to different types of people. When you meet more people outside of your relationship, you will soon realize that your partner is not as special as you think.

Once you realized that your partner isn’t perfect, you can easily overcome the temptation to stay in an abusive relationship. You will then be able to leave him without feeling guilty or ashamed.

Photo by M. on Unsplash

You Are Slowly Getting Used To The Toxic Relationship

This might sound strange but if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time, you might actually start to tolerate the abuse. You might even become used to it. You might even come to expect it.

When this happens, you lose your sense of self-worth and you begin to doubt yourself. You start thinking that maybe you deserve the way your partner treats you. As a result, you stop fighting back against him.

This is a dangerous trap. You must never let yourself get used to the abuse. If you do, you will eventually lose your ability to fight back and end up in a cycle of abuse. Stand up for yourself. Don’t ever let yourself get used to being abused.

Try to see therapies if you are in a broken relationship or you experienced psychological pain. These therapies will teach you how to recognize your feelings and how not to engage in destructive behaviors. These therapies will help you to break free from the toxic relationship.

Conclusion

If you are in an abusive relationship, you are probably suffering emotionally and physically. You are probably experiencing depression, anxiety, stress, and insomnia. These symptoms indicate that you are going through a difficult period of your life.

As painful as these experiences are, they are temporary. Eventually, you will recover from them. However, you must first recognize that you are in an abusive situation. Only after you acknowledge the problem can you hope to solve it.

I wish you success in your recovery process.

--

--

--

Here you can publish stories and feelings about anything; relationship, nature, sexuality, life and many more from real and honest perspective. Our motto: Write just the way you are. It’s okay to be imperfect. Don’t worry to be different. We all respect your opinion.

Recommended from Medium

Musings Of A Lonely Twenty-Something

Do All Women Like Flowers As Gifts?

Why Your Wedding Doesn’t Matter

Watching high fidelity while you’re fucked up.

What It’s Like Going into Business with Your Partner

No One Owns My Love

Beginning the Journey

The Uncharted Territory of Ghosting

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Miracode

Miracode

I am a writer on self-development and psychology. I love to share my thoughts and advice in life.

More from Medium

How to Fix Your Messy Love Relationship

5 Ways to Love Someone

Relationship Rewrite Method

“You’re too bossy.” “You’re a know-it-all.”