How-To: Thanksgiving. For Small, Distant, or Broken Families

First things first: Christina got COVID, y’all.

YES. CORONAVIRUS. Can you believe it? Me, of ALL people?! HA!

Well, I do not have any special, built-up immunity to the respiratory disease, but I would have thought my over-cautiousness would have seen me through. I guess it was just my time.

I have been locked up in my sanctuary-of-a-room for a little over 72 hours. It has been far from easy. I applaud everyone who has unfortunately gone through the motions that Coronavirus comes with, and give my upmost heartfelt condolences to those who have lost loved ones to this terrible tragedy of a -demic. I also give the members of my team and I at work a Superman-type pat on the back for continuing to produce the technology needed to address this continuation of a mess: I have a newfound respect for what we do now that I have been coughing endlessly for three days.

I have finally mustered up some strength this morning to lay upward and use this handy-dandy Macbook Pro of mine: what better is there to do other than write a blog post (and spend the imaginary money I have this Black Friday buying designer heels on Farfetch)?

I actually was not planning on writing anything anytime soon. I have not been fully inspired to be persistent and create; I believe any art form needs to be executed with some sort of intent. However, this piece of writing comes with inspiration from a post I saw last night on Instagram, of all places. I follow a well-known parody/inflencer account (one of VERY FEW; one thing about me: I actually detest accounts with verified check marks/large followings, because of the mental baggage it comes with, so I try my best to stay in my own basic world and follow people I physically know), and he posted something that really marinated in my heart. It reads:

Thanksgiving is so depressing when you have a broken family. — Justinlaboy

Thanksgiving, a holiday celebrated to commemorate the harvest meal the Pilgrims shared with Wampanoag Indians (voluntarily or un-voluntarily, it is not known), is all about gratefulness and appreciation. President George Washington, during his Thanksgiving Proclamation on October 3rd of 1789, outlined the intent of the holiday as so:

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor…to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be — That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks

When I think of Thanksgiving, I hear obnoxiously loud laughter echoing in hallways.

I smell diri djon-djon bewing in pots, and the cheese from macaroni au gratin popping in pans.

I see children carelessly dancing to kompa music, and intense Uno matches being played on kitchen tables.

I feel the warmth of my relatives’ embrace.

I taste garlic, peppers, tomatoes, and the beloved giwof (if the devil is out to get me.)

…What happens if this isn’t your reality, though?

Truth be told, I haven’t had a Thanksgiving like this in a decade. Seriously. Our family used to come together as one in my (younger) younger years, but because of age, distance, and many, many circumstances, this has faded into a speck of a memory.

I have always took a liking to Thanksgiving: I have quite the emotional spirit, and Quality Time is my love language, so the bond that I have with the meaning behind the holiday is unbreakable. Most of my family actually does not live here in the States, so my Thanksgiving experience has always differed from the norm.

I do not get jealous much, but I truly do envy people with large families. Always have, always will. I say it all the time. I alway yearned for a billion cousins and aunts and uncles, because having a close-knit family, I believe, is having a strong first-line of defense: you can always depend on someone blood-born, have someone to trust, and have someone to fall back on.

But that’s not what God gave me. This is my story now, and I have taken the last year or two to accept it.

I know there are many people who are in similar, if not the same, boats as the one I am sailing in. Justin is right: Thanksgiving does hit different when you family is broken. But who says different is a bad thing? Instead of being laser-focused on the minor cracks, chips, and deformities of your familial lineage, we must all re-direct our focus on the general structure. The fact of the matter is: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. No matter what. There is LIFE in your family. Embrace it fully.

So, how does one enjoy Thanksgiving? Let me break is down for you:

Part 1: Mindsets

1. Realize that your familial size does not matter — There is no minimum number for a family; a family can consist of merely two people. A family can even be a single person and their pet; every family looks different. Enjoy the company you keep.
2. You do not need a “family” for the holidays— A family, in a general sense, is simply a group of related things. If you do not have biological beings by your side, for any reason, consider spending these precious moments with close neighbors, friends, roommates and co-workers; togetherness amongst people who cherish you is what family is all about.
3. Recall the meaning of Thanksgiving — Be thankful for what you have, whatever that looks like. We all tend to focus on what surrounds us, resulting in comparison, but Thanksgiving was declared with the purpose of reflection. Do not use your precious time over-analyzing what should/could/would have been, but use it to wholeheartedly welcome what is.

Part 2: Action Items for T-Giving

1. Use technology — If your family is distant or oversees, host a virtual party/event! Use a web service platform so everyone is included in the festivities in some way or fashion. Call your family to check-in on the holidays; a phone call is more meaningful than you think.
2. Host a potluck — Gather a (small or large) group of people and each commit to bringing/buying/making a dish; it’ll cut down on the expenses and the legwork of making a feast for the entire city.
3. Take the lead! — If you do not traditionally have a Thanksgiving event, open up your own home and get it started. Once you take the lead, others will surely follow.
4. Join someone else’s Thanksgiving dinner — With an invitation, of course: do not just start rollin’ up to peoples’ houses unannounced. Anyways, not every household in America needs to be cooking food on the 3rd Thursday of November, trust me: the less food per square foot, the less pollution and biological footprints left on the Earth.
5. Start your own tradition(s) — It does not even have to involve food! There are so many things one can do on Thanksgiving: volunteering, traveling (just make sure you plan ahead), visiting the sick, partaking in a unique outdoor activity, or having a quiet night in with a significant other are all great to implement annually.
6. Mend relationships — This isn’t always possible, but take some time during the holidays to reconcile relationships. People are naturally more jovial during the holidays, so it should be easier to have a mature conversation.
7. Just vibe — If its just you, find something that makes you happy and bask in it. Take this day to learn more about selflessness, thanksgiving, and communion, and find ways to implement these ideologies in your routine day-to-day; we can always improve the man in the mirror.

Happy Thanksgiving. 🦃