A Trip Into My Mind
This is the eleventh question in this exciting 15-day journey.
Question eleven: What’s something about yourself you find hard to understand?
I had shied away from this topic, I had no way to put my words, but then I promised myself I wouldn’t keep going until I answer this question
Because what was the point of taking up a challenge if you wouldn’t go through it until the end.
The only part of me I don’t fully understand, is my mind, my love for perspectives especially when it comes to people.
Sometimes, I feel like I understand, but most times, I don’t.
Sometimes I wonder, “Why do people act the way they do?” And most times I would try to look through their eyes, to see the world the way they do.
I heard “The work makes the man.” So most times I take on the work to know the man.
The way I think, sometimes it scares the hell out of me, the way I could process things, the way I could switch into a character if I gave myself enough time to know the character.
I remembered when I wanted to change the way I laughed because I felt it was too loud, I had intentional studied a character and got so well with it that I nearly forgot how I ever laughed.
I got bored, though. It was too trite. Not me.
I preferred me.
I switched to characters I loved in a book, and when I got bored, I went back to being me.
Though most characters were mostly introverts like me, but a little deeper.
Whenever it was a character out of my personality, I wouldn’t dare try to act it to avoid getting lost.
In this case, in my head I became a scientist, mixing different personalities, traits and experiences to tell the reaction the character might give to an issue and most time my assumptions were 50–90% correct.
Sometimes I sometimes believed it was my curiosity, my love for perspective. The “What Ifs” I wouldn’t stop asking.
The many reasons I felt life was not so complicated, it just boils down to simple basics. Basics so simple we don’t want to believe.
We love complexity.
I always had an active imagination, I stopped reading romance novels because of this, they messed with my head.
I easily get immersed in characters I love, seeing through their eyes and going through what they feel.
Sometimes I don’t really need to like them, I just felt it.
When I read the Harry Potter series (I have never watched the movie), I felt everything. I had already built the school in my head. I felt the fear Harry felt when he saw the half-blood prince kill Dumbledore, and he couldn’t move a muscle. He was “frozen in fear” the writer had put it.
Sometimes I am scared of sharing my thoughts as I feel they hold too much emotion. Either they get downplayed or they are taken too seriously and I like neither.
I could take on a character. Decision was all it took. To decide.
My cousin would say, “You are too stubborn when it comes to sticking to your decisions, no matter how stupid they seem”.
But funny enough I love my mind, I have come to love and just accept that it is just curious. It just wants to learn and to keep learning.
I have just decided to accept that I may not understand it all or dig fully into its deep riches.
Like the ocean that we probably wouldn’t know all that lives within it but we still love. I love my mind that much and still strive to know more, though with carefulness to avoid drowning and getting lost deep within myself.
