Life Lessons
How Do I Learn About Love From My Friend’s Death?
6 Important Lessons of Living
I received the news of my good friend’s death in March 2019. It was just a few days after my birthday.
The news of Lee’s death came unexpectedly to me.
She was posting her recovery journey from cancer, and all the news she posted was positive.
I recalled three years back, she was diagnosed with nose cancer and discovered the unfaithful event of her spouse. This led to divorce, and she took custody of her two sons.
Despite hardship, Lee was able to bring her family together.
When I attended Lee’s wake service in March 2019, it was the most beautiful wake service I have ever attended.
Lee has moved on and moved on forgiving her ex-husband despite the pain he brought her.
When her eldest 12-year-old son came and spoke in the wake service, I was amazed by this boy. He was trying to be courageous and make his mum proud.
I remembered the lines, “My mum taught me about love, forgiveness, and courage”.
Wow, I am not sure if you realized this or not. Lee decided not to bring her marriage wound to her son.
Love, forgiveness, and courage will allow her son to move on and live the present life.
I am so inspired by Lee being a good mum.
So what did I learn from my friend’s death?
1) I realize that at the end of our journey, all our material possessions and money become irrelevant and not important.
When I started to work on myself, I realized the most important to me is the connection with my children.
I believe every family deserves to be happy and every parent wants to build a deeper relationship with their child.
2) I realize life is short, and I need to think about what type of children I want to raise.
When Lee passed on in March 2019, she was only 39 years old. I realize I may not be able to be there forever for my children.
I realize I need to raise independent, courageous, conscious, and resilient children.
3) I realize our life is short, and therefore, we should live our lives on our terms.
I realized I wasn’t a happy person and I was chasing things that my family and society told me that I should chase.
I ticked every single checklist in my life, but deep inside, I was not happy.
I was thinking why I am not happy when I ticked every single item on my checklist.
I was thinking and thinking…..
Am I too greedy or do I need another list to work on?
I began to question the system of “If I get X, I will be happy”.
I began to see this flaw in this system.
Most of us are conditioned that happiness comes from external sources, i.e., money, status, power, material possessions, accomplishments, and so on.
Yes, all these will bring some happiness. However, you will soon realize this happiness does not last long.
Not only that, but what if the things you were chasing were not something you wanted?
Do you want that big car or house?
I realized all these items on my checklist weren’t entirely what I wanted but rather I was chasing it as I was told so.
I began to rework the area that I truly desire, be it in my relationship, parenting, health, finances, career as well as social circle.
I began to realize happiness comes from within yourselves, being happy learning, enjoying your journey on this earth, and finding your life purposes.
4) I realize that as a mum, most of the time we are taught to sacrifice ourselves for our family.
I recalled one of my conversations with Lee. Lee was my schoolmate during our high school time.
Lee used to be a brilliant student.
I thought Lee could be doing well in her career.
To my surprise, she took a 9-to-5 administrative job which allows her to go home on time, to spend time with her sons.
Her husband was working in an industry that required him to travel a lot.
Lee sacrifices her dreams for her family, but in the end, faces betrayal from her partner.
I am not saying what Lee was doing is wrong.
I realized life is short, and we only live here once.
I was a workaholic and I was telling myself that I was earning more so that my children could have a better life.
In reality, at that time, my relationship with my children was not at the best.
I was reacting to my children as I felt they didn’t do up to my expectations.
In reality, I was too tired or too focused on the future and not being present with them.
As I practice meditation and mindfulness more, I begin to realize that I need more time for myself to rest, recharge, and love myself more.
Strangely, the more I practice self-love and self-care, the more love and energy I can give to my children.
5) I realize that I can be a better parent myself even though my parent didn’t show me the best way of parenting
When I started to work on myself, I realized I wasn’t the best parent my child needed.
I used to shout and scream at my children.
I was trying to control and get them to do what I wanted.
I was parenting my children based on how I was parented.
When I started to work on myself, I realized my parents’ belief wasn’t the best and it does not mean it should be my beliefs.
When I changed from behavior-based to connection-based, everything changed.
I have a calm, connected, and respected relationship with my children.
My children are more open to listening to me and working collaboratively with me.
My children become more independent, courageous, and conscious about their thoughts, emotions, and habits.
6) I realized that Lee managed to instill good values in her son so that her son can bring these values into their life and live these values as being a loving, courageous, and forgiving person.
My guess is Lee knew that she would not live that long and these are the valuable lessons and values she can teach her sons before she passed on.
I have a long thought about this.
What are the valuable lessons and values I can instill in my children so that they can be responsible, independent, and resilient people who can thrive in this digital era?
It allows me to construct my family vision, mission, and values that I want to instill and this builds the foundation of my family culture.
Jessie Liew inspired to help parents from being clueless, overwhelmed, and helpless to manage their child with technologies to become parents who are confident, happy and empowered to raise independent, conscious, and resilient children who are thriving in this era of technologies and A.I.
Jessie Liew is the founder of Digital Parenting Coaching and a mother of 4. Her previous career included working as a cybersecurity specialist, where she protected clients from the harmful effects caused by online hackers and predators. In her spare time, Jessie enjoys reading, playing games, and adventures.
If you would like to learn more about Jessie and her work, please visit her website at https://www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/. You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Linkedin as Jessie Liew SP.
