Judgment, Discernment, and Telling Strangers ‘I Love You’:
How a story of a trapped dog helped me face everyday challenges with mindfulness and empathy
I was recently listening to Tara Brach’s beautiful podcast, in which she offers invaluable insight into mindfulness and this human experience we find ourselves gifted with. The episode was titled “Disarming Our Hearts,” and she delves into describing the difference between judgment and discernment.
I’m paraphrasing, but I loved an example that she used:
A couple is going for a walk, and they come across a dog at the edge of the path. The dog looks friendly enough, so they go to approach it, but when they do, it begins to snarl and show its teeth. They felt themselves immediately wanting to protect themselves, thinking they might be in danger. However, with a closer look, they realized the dog’s leg was stuck in a trap. It was only then that the couple realized that the dog was not vicious; it was only acting that way because it was in pain.
Whether we choose to see it or not, in some form or another, we are all a dog with its leg stuck in a trap. We truly never know what someone is going through.
This really resonated with me because I see this happen all the time in my own life.
Living in Philadelphia, I often witness people blowing up at strangers for the smallest things. This could happen at a crosswalk, in a traffic jam, on the bus, at the grocery store, at the gym — really anywhere. Boy oh boy, we really do have some grit in this city.
With judgment, you might label a person that you have a negative experience with as rude or inconsiderate and respond with criticism or anger. This path is often ego-driven, colored with personal bias, reactive, and destructive.
With discernment, you might notice that maybe this same person is actually acting out of stress and instead choose to respond with empathy and support. It’s having a clearer, more objective assessment of a situation using mindfulness-based skills of non-attachment.
It’s important to mention that by choosing discernment, this does not mean that we are then just letting people boss us around and being complete pushovers.
It’s deciding to live with a “soft front and a hard back.”
We can still stand up for what we believe in, but we can be empathetic and understanding.
We can care for the dog in pain, but we can still keep our distance if need be.
We can be open and vulnerable while still knowing our own inner strength and boundaries.
So, I propose an amusing thought experiment that makes me smile to myself every time it comes to mind:
What if you said “I love you” after every single situation, every single interaction you have, no matter if you know them and no matter the brevity?
Of course, I don’t mean saying it out loud! That’s just creepy and probably going to get you in trouble. I mean just saying it to yourself, privately. The mail person, that delivery driver who’s taking FOREVER to move their van, that cashier, or anyone you even make eye contact with on the street.
We are all already speaking through so many non-verbal cues in our interactions. I guarantee it will provide you with some momentary and levity and warmth, and maybe, others will pick up on it too.
Chances are, it may even begin to impact yourself as well, and give you that much-needed self-compassion that we all deserve to give ourselves so much more of.
So to all of you reading this right now, sincerely, I love you.
❤
About the author:
I’m a 33-year-old artist and multiple heart surgery survivor. Learning to love myself while living with chronic illness. Exploring music, health, identity, spirituality, resilience, addiction, personal growth, and purpose.
If you enjoyed this piece and want to follow more of my journey, please follow my page or find me on all the socials — IG/X/Threads @bohemianaorta
