Do Your Words Suck?
The words we use habitually may be draining our very life force.
It is of no great surprise that a single Google search for “power of words” returns more results than there are words in the English language. And there are quotations on the subject from Rumi to George Orwell to Deepak Chopra!
You know it’s legit when Rumi and Deepak are involved.
As a new Mum with a five month old son, I’ve become acutely aware of my words lately; even more so than as a writer. Not only do I have to “clean” up my language from a barage of daily profanity, which is quite difficult when I have a deep appreciation for a perfectly placed F*** word, but I also need to be more conscious of the world of words I create.
The world of words is that which I speak (as do you) out of habit, laziness or negligence — and reflect our thoughts, world view, upbrining, self image, confidence and ambitions.
I don’t know about you, but some of my words and sentiments are not entirely positive; nor are they particularly helpful in creating my ideal world.
And it saddens me to think that my son may one day inherit my world of words.
Words and sentiments that include:
- Hate
- Can’t
- Won’t
- Useless
- Shouldn’t
- Don’t deserve
- Not — enough (smart, good looking, talented etc)
Don’t misunderstand me: some of these words and their meaning have their time and place, but they are omnipotent. All powerful. And given half a chance, they will take root in the mind and, like weeds, infect ones’ world view.
We see this in modern politics. We see it in the discourse of anger.
And yet.
It is of no great surprise, then, that the most holistically successful and content people tend to their language as they do a garden: patiently nurturing the soil (thoughts), ensuring each plant receives adequate light and water to strengthen their growth (enlightened discourse), and continually clearing the weeds and pests (omnipotent destructive words).
It is not that such words don’t exist or crop up — that’s just silly. Rather, they are acknowledged and dealt with.
Whilst tending to language in such a way requires conscious attention and effort, the world of words becomes both life affirming and seemingly responsive!
Indeed, words have a physiological response. As Theresa J Borchard, Associate Editor of PyschCentral explains,
According to Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman, words can literally change your brain.
In their book, Words Can Change Your Brain, they write: “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”
Positive words, such as “peace” and “love,” can alter the expression of genes, strengthening areas in our frontal lobes and promoting the brain’s cognitive functioning. They propel the motivational centers of the brain into action, according to the authors, and build resiliency.
Conversely, hostile language can disrupt specific genes that play a key part in the production of neurochemicals that protect us from stress. Humans are hardwired to worry — part of our primal brains protecting us from threats to our survival — so our thoughts naturally go here first.
And if you need further evidence, Christopher Bergland of Psychology Today writes,
Cognitive scientists continue to explore how the brain processes negative versus positive sentence structures. Positive self-talk has the power to kick-start a neural chain reaction that motivates you to succeed.
We all have the power to turn on what I call our “volition switch” by choosing words — in particular verbs — that spark a positive mindset and trigger our free-will to kick into action. Scientists have now shown that creating positive sentence structures can induce a physical response that increases strength. Saying, “Yes, I can do this!” can create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean … c’mon. That is pretty amazing!
So. How can we nurture our world of words?
Taking Control
Our words and language reflect our nature, essence, upbringing and who we are; they are our thoughts manifest. Hence, challenging our language will challenge our thinking.
How and where do we even begin? I can’t imagine either of us having the time to explore linguistics or neurolinguistics.
But here are a few small steps I have taken:
Challenge №1 → Catch it
The most challenging part of changing one’s world of words and thinking is being conscious; of catching the thoughts and holding them for a moment.
Rather than allowing the thought to sprout into a word or sentence, it is to catch it in one’s mind and hold it for a moment.
For example, to say “I just thought that I will never finish this project as long as I live!” It’s not just thinking the thought, but being conscious of it, identifying it, and verbalising it (not out loud but rather), in your mind.
Sometimes, catching the thought and calling it out takes the reflexes of a ninja cat. These thoughts are as quick as they are infectious.
So get out your ninja throwing stars, kitties — you need to pin these thoughts to the wall for examination.
Challenge №2 → Question it
It’s not simply being conscious of the thought and admiring your ninja star throwing skills.
It’s also about questioning the thought. For example, it’s thinking (without judgement) “Oh, that’s intersting. Why will I never finish this project as long as I live? Isn’t that a bit of an unnecessary and dramatic exaggeration?”
This is the moment. There is a split second space directly after questioning the thought where you can take control.
This is the moment that you can say, “Actually brain, thanks for that assessment and I reckon it may take a few months BUT I will get it completed. I have a few strategies to consider.”
№3 → Bin it
Once you’ve questioned the thought, it’s time to chuck it! In essence, it’s saying, “Thanks brain, but that’s a wee bit unhelpful so I’m going to let that pass in to the bin.”
I know. It sounds strange. But as this process is internalised, the language that is spoken afterwards seems to change. If the thought changes, then the language changes and then the actions change. This is where success mentality begins to bloom.
If you’re interested in delving deeper in to such methods, I strongly recommend reading The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters and Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly. I’ve found both of these authors and their books quite instructive in helping me to challenge my thinking, my words and how I engage in the world of words.
If I could teach my son one lesson, it would be to create a zen garden of language.
