5 Stoic Lessons For A Good Life
The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it. — Marcus Aurelius
The first time I got introduced to Stoicism was when my brother brought home a book called — The Essential Marcus Aurelius. I was in my early teens and I skimmed through it. The book itself was short and comprised of a collection of short paragraphs that imparted wisdom about life.
Recently I decided to read some more about stoicism and found a great introduction called — A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine.
Once I finished reading it I came to the conclusion that some of the Stoic lessons talked about in it I have in fact implemented in my life unconsciously. One of which I guess to a greater degree was — negative visualization.
My attempt with this article is to share some of the Stoic wisdom I have learned. I believe that once you will apply some of those tips the quality of your life will improve too.
The main idea I guess is to recognize what Stoicism is trying to achieve. It is a philosophy of life in which the ultimate purpose is to reach tranquility within oneself.
Moreover, it prepares you to face any adversities that might come your way.
1. Negative Visualization
Engaging in negative visualization prepares you for the worst even if it might never come true. Suppose you take some time to visualize the loss of a close friend, parent, a job, an item you grew fond of.
When you do that it strengthens you in a way for the worst that is yet to come.
I remember when I was younger and I would visit my grandparents. I knew that given time they would grow older and their bodies would show signs of old age. Even then the notion of death was something I was contemplating.
I knew that at some point in the future I will lose them.
I knew that death is inevitable and I would imagine how that would happen.
I imagined myself standing beside their coffin at their burial place.
And the time of their death eventually came.
By doing what I had done it did not necessarily lessen the pain that I had felt. But it prepared me in advance for the day that had to come at some point. It helped me cope better.
Contemplating the world’s impermanence is a way to achieve peace.
If you expect everything to be great in your life, the harder it will be to overcome the disappointments that eventually come when what we value is taken away.
2. Learn How To Want The Things You Already Have
We humans are unhappy in large part because we are insatiable; after working hard to get what we want, we routinely lose interest in the object of our desire. — William B. Irvine
This is the struggle for most of us. I know I struggle with this notion myself.
The idea that once I get this one thing I will feel complete.
But you will notice that once you achieve a certain goal, or you buy a certain item you grow used to it and seek to want something else. Bigger. Better.
That feeling of newness and short bliss that lasted a while tends to fade with time.
This is where a lot of discontentment comes from.
We desire much, but the object of our desires rarely leaves us feeling good for long. Besides, these desires tend to change so often.
I think the Stoics are right in saying that to gain happiness one must learn to want the things he already has.
How do you do that?
Engage in imagining that what you already have was lost or taken from you.
Only when it is gone do you look back and see how much value that item or person possessed.
3. Let Go Of What Is Out Of Your Control
And you do that by internalizing your goals. Meaning you focus on what you can do and not on the response you might get.
Ask yourself this — What are you in control of?
The rational response would be — I am in control of myself.
The Stoics wanted us to understand that if we dwell too much on things outside of our immediate control such as what happens to us. Then we will experience negative emotions such as — anxiety, fear, or anger.
It is a daily practice to tame yourself and acknowledge the idea that things outside of your control should not bother you.
Does a girl neglect your advances? A person talks poorly of you? A negative comment or insult addressed to you?
To all those responses you had some or limited control over.
Then there are things you might have no control over whatsoever.
The best you can do is know that you have done your best given that situation.
You achieved your goal. You did your best in talking to that girl, you approached her because you wanted to get to know her better — internal goal.
You did what was in your power. Her response, whether it was positive or not is a decision of her own — external.
Contentment is not found outside yourself, but within.
If you put your happiness in others, others will be able to influence how you feel.
If you seek acceptance from society, society will impact your self-esteem.
You have control on how you choose to react to adversities that come your way. You have no control over when, how or if they do arise or not.
4. Consciously Practice Acts Of Self-Denial
It is crucial to seek voluntary discomfort from time to time. Because once you get used to a certain level of living, you take things for granted. The moment you are faced with a misfortune it will be harder to overcome those bad times.
For the most part, we are used to a warm shower. Good food. Comfy bed. YouTube videos. These are all too normal for some.
But in abstaining from time to time from a chocolate bar. Taking a cold shower. Sleeping on the floor. We fortify ourselves, should there be a harder period in our lives we will be able to handle it.
A person who periodically experiences minor discomforts will grow confident that he can withstand major discomforts as well, so the prospect of experiencing such discomforts at some future time will not, at present, be a source of anxiety for him. — William B. Irvine
Self-denial encourages us to appreciate what we have and to not succumb to each desire that arises.
Being in the self-control of your desires and when you act on them builds your character which is crucial to living a good life.
5. Vices Are Contagious
We all have them. Vices are part of human nature. It is often mentioned that you are the sum of those that are closest to you. I guess that is why it is said — be careful who you choose to spend time with.
Believe it or not, we tend to adapt to the tribe we find ourselves in.
Whatever the group of people closest to you is doing is what you will find yourself doing as well. Their traits, choice of words, gestures will involuntarily invade your lifestyle.
Vices are contagious and often spread unnoticed.
Avoid complainers. When you hear someone complain does it make you happy? Of course not. It instantly throws you into a bad mental state and turns you towards negativity.
If you let things outside of your control bother you then it will be harder to attain tranquility or peace of mind.
I hope the lessons shared above will help improve the quality of your life and ultimately bring you a state of tranquility in the day-to-day. Again, it will take a great degree of self-discipline to turn the theory part into a practical daily habit. Nevertheless, I think it will be beneficial for your life too!
