Personal Growth | Love
7 Easy communication techniques to increase intimacy
Fill up your intimacy meter with your partner
We all crave intimacy. Being vulnerable and still being accepted by someone. We feel satisfied when our needs are met from being close to the person we love. This closeness does not only come from physical proximity but also comes from a heart to heart closeness.
Being physically close to our partner is only one of many forms of intimacy. Ultimately intimacy comes from the connection we have with another person and one of the best ways we can cultivate that intimacy is through communication.
Below are 7 ways you can communicate better to increase intimacy with the person you love:
Give full attention to your partner when talking
It is so easy to be distracted in this modern age, this is especially true when having conversions. When was the last time you put your phone away when having a conversation with friends over dinner? How long did it take you before you check your phone? 10 seconds of silence?
When trying to have a conversation with your partner, make sure you put your phone away, shut off the television — remove yourselves from distractions. Sometimes our attention span is so short that we no longer can hold a meaningful conversation. So being in an environment that has the least or no distraction will help you give your full attention to them.
If you feel like there is something else in your mind that is distracting you, communicate to your partner and reschedule a time later to have the conversation when both of you are mentally available. Also, write down the topic that you agreed to talk about so that neither of you forgets.
Another way to give your full attention is to make eye contact. This non-verbal cue gives a sense that you have their full attention and are interested in getting closer to them.
Focus on the good qualities in each other and praise each other often
Showing affection increases intimacy, so an easy way to show affection is to point out good qualities to your partner. Good qualities don’t mean comparing them to other people, as long as it is good in your eyes. You don’t need to wait for your partner to be a great chef to compliment their food taste good. If you feel they are doing good, just tell them that.
We want to praise and appreciation. So why not shower our partners with lots of praise, it will boost their mood and gives them the signal that you are caring and personally invested in them.
Be assertive
Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use “I” rather than “You” statements. (e.g. “I worry when you don’t let me know you’ll be late” rather than “You are always late”)
We are so used to just speaking our mind but we forget that the delivery of the message is as important as the message itself. If a picture is worth a thousand words, the way we speak is like an artist describing their picture.
Avoid criticism
We may have different opinions about criticism, but in its essence is the practice of judging the merits and faults of someone. Like any tool, criticism can be used to build up your partner or to tear them down. In my experience, if you must criticize or provide constructive feedback, balance it with at least one positive comment.
This may sound like we should all give backhanded compliments when providing constructive feedback, but balance feedback sound like this: “I appreciate that you helped wash the dishes when I’m tired, but can you make sure to put the glassware in the separate area to dry so that we don’t accidentally break any of them.”
The quality of your relationship is affected most powerfully by your state, not your partner’s. If you want a great relationship, you must constantly put yourself and your partner in a great state.
Listen to understand, not to judge or to find a solution
I have been guilty in this department, it took me quite a long time to learn how to just sit back and listen when my partner is talking. Take the time to listen attentively and understand the words and feelings that your partner is conveying. Some of us are able to do this easily while others may need lots of work. Trust me it takes time, practice, and patience.
Sometimes the words used may not be the message that your partner is trying to get across, so trying your best to listen and understand their heart which requires effort and time.
Use active listening
Acknowledge the content of their message AND the feelings of your partner. The active listening process lets the sender (your partner) know whether or not the message they sent was clearly understood by having the listener (you) restate what you heard.
Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution
This is a big one. When emotions and tensions are high, we tend to either blame each other or blame ourselves. Do remember that both of you are on the same team. The reason you are together is that you believe that by being together, both of you can be something more beautiful than being apart.
So rather than trying to assign blame — whether who is better, who is at fault, who was forgetful — try to focus on a solution to solve the issue at hand.
What I tend to do when I’m at a fault is first to acknowledge I’m in the wrong. If I’m not at a fault, I’ll ask my partner why she thinks I’m in the wrong. Then if it is a valid reason, I will apologize for making her feel that way (regardless of whether my action was an absolute error, I still did affect and hurt her feelings). We will then try to pivot the conversation to eventually come to a solution.
The techniques above are what I’ve learned and practiced throughout the last few years. I have not perfected all of them, but with each successful try in exercising these techniques have helped us reached a greater level of intimacy and honesty. And it has paid off well — we are more truthful to each other, we both put each other first, and believe that we are still growing in love each day.
Interested in more intimacy moments?
Before you go…
If you found this article helpful, click the 👏 button below and share the article so your friends can benefit from it too. Feel free to drop my responses and comments.
