Fascinating Yet Complicated: The Identity Of A Third Culture Kid.
We’re from everywhere and nowhere.
I returned to my home country 11 years ago, and there are days where I still struggle when asked, “Where are you from?”
You’re probably wondering, what is a Third Culture Kid?
According to the University of Puget sound:
An individual who, having spent a significant part of the development years in a culture other than the parents’ culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having a full ownership in any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience.
Born in Mexico City, my mother is Mexican of Lebanese descent, my father an Arab. I was brought up in 5 different countries, 7 cities, and far too many apartments. I grew up bilingual, Spanish and English are interchangeable to me, and I can speak some French. Yet sadly, I never learned Arabic despite it being most of my family’s mother tongue. As for my religious and spiritual beliefs? That’s a WHOLE other topic.
As a Third Culture Kid (or TCK) myself, I mainly identify myself as Mexican, until people start asking questions. These are usually regarding my last names, my English, my physical features, and next thing I know I'm giving them a pitch on my life story. At 29, I’m cool with this, finding quite fun. But my awkward, confused 12-year-old self dreaded this.
So, what is it like to be a Third Culture Kid?
Moving every 2–4 years is the norm, so when your parents announce that the family will be relocating yet again halfway across the world, you are somewhat unphased by it. You knew this was coming, so you begin formulating a mental checklist of your most beloved toys and belongings that won't be left behind, at least not without putting a fight!
You’re constantly switching schools, having to make new friends, adapting to new educational systems. Most TCKs spend their years overseas at International schools, yet many are enrolled at local institutions if there aren’t significant language or cultural barriers. You find yourself studying at a huge public elementary school in tropical South East Asia, 40-something kids per classroom, and no airconditioning; then a year later you’re at a small international school in Europe with central heating, a homey environment, and piles of snow outside. Despite being drastically different scenarios, you learn to adapt to both, finding the best of each experience, and building memories that are forever dear to you.
During those years, you eagerly look forward to celebrating Chinese New Year, Christmas, Diwali, Eid Al-Fitr, Bonfire Night, Día de Los Muertos, and several other holidays depending on where you’re at. Decades later, you still take note of those dates and feel nostalgic. I still crave mooncakes, and I find myself hunting them down in Mexico City’s Chinatown when Chinese New Year comes round.
Now, about food, you’ve tried so many things that you’re no longer a picky eater. Tofu? Black bean cakes? Smelly cheese? Spicy Salsa? Exotic curry? Yeah, you're down for that.
You also begin noticing how everyone in your environment has a different set of values and beliefs. Influenced by all sorts of ideas, you develop a broad worldview from a young age. However, this can also be confusing, and establishing your own identity becomes a challenge. On the upside, by age 8 you’re a tiny world who is multicultural, open-minded, and highly respectful of others. Able to comprehend the social rules of other places, you can instinctively adjust your personality to blend in.
However, as you grow older, moving gets harder. As a teenager, being the new kid at school and having to make new friends becomes quite daunting. It takes you longer to adjust, and when you’re finally feeling comfortable, it's time to move again. It‘s a big downer, especially after investing so much energy in making this foreign place your home. Yet over the years, you've grown to be resilient, brave, and positive, so you’re confident that despite the initial culture shock, you’ll adapt to this new location.
Then there’s discrimination. It’s a touchy subject, doesn't happen to all TCKs, but unfortunately, it did to me. Yes, some people will treat you differently due to your ethnic background, religious beliefs, or even skin color. However, on other occasions, you break stereotypes, forming friendships with individuals who in other circumstances would’ve conflicted with you over political or religious issues.
As for family, it's basically just your parents and your siblings. Cousins, uncles, grandparents, you’ll see them once a year tops, and in most cases never getting round to properly bonding with them. As for your peers back home, you might struggle to connect with them since you’re perceived as an oddball, or worse, as a bragger. So upon being repatriated, you begin limiting yourself by not fully expressing who you are, and trying hard to fit in by masking this uniqueness which you believe makes you “weird”.
As an adult, what are the benefits of being a TCK?
Being highly adaptive.
Whether it’s moving to a new country, starting a new job, joining a new club, or spending time in a place outside your comfort zone, you’re generally quick to adjust and feel at ease in this new environment.
An expanded worldview
The opposite of black-or-white thinking, you understand that there are multiple ways of perceiving the world, making you respectful of other’s ideas and interests. You can see things from a multicultural perspective, enriching your personal beliefs.
Excellent interpersonal skills
You’re able to easily relate to people from all sorts of social, cultural, and religious backgrounds. Making new friends comes naturally as you’re highly empathic, enabling you to form strong bonds with others.
Open-minded
You’re open to trying new things, navigating through life with fewer barriers and prejudices. You flourish in cross-cultural environments, constantly seeking opportunities to travel and meet people from other places.
You’re “different”
Yes, you’re the weirdo with the odd childhood, random quirks, strange beliefs, and a wide range of interests. You’re also naturally rebellious, with very diverse friends, and an uncanny ability to read others. Own it.
Good language skills
Living in several countries, especially at a young age, means that you're likely to be fully bilingual if not multilingual.
Unique memories
You have the most unusual yet amazing memories from your childhood and teens. You treasure these dearly, positively impacting your life and making you, YOU.
You're a greater traveler
Effortlessly finding your way through airports, using public transport successfully in cities foreign to you, communicating with people despite not speaking the language, willing to eat foods with names you are unable to pronounce. You’ve got that mastered.
And the challenges?
A constant sense of impermanence
You see everything in life as temporary, so you develop the ability to easily detach from people, places, and things. This doesn’t mean you're immune to the pain of leaving things behind, on the contrary, at times it hurt so bad that this defense mechanism is developed.
Restlessness
This is probably the worst one for me. You’re always thinking about where you’re going to be moving to and what’s your next step. This goes in hand with the perceived impermanence of things.
Rootlessness
You feel like you don't really belong anywhere, seeing yourself as a global citizen. Hence the constant urge to move, and the need to find a home elsewhere.
Trouble defining an identity
There is a constant need to find yourself, especially during your 20s, as you are unable to fully identify with one culture, society, or country. You’re a mix of many beliefs, ideologies, and cultures. A melting pot.
Ignorance of home culture/culture shock
I personally didn’t feel this one as bad, yet there was a level of culture shock upon being repatriated at age 18. However, I have met people who are completely disconnected from their home country, some even having a hard time speaking the local language, which makes adjusting much more complicated.
Relationship losses
You don't really have any childhood friends and your extended family feels so distant to you. For some people, this can trigger a deep sense of loneliness and isolation, especially as they grow older.
Personally, being a Third Culture Kid was a huge blessing, an experience I will always be profoundly grateful for, and a core part of my identity.
As with everything in life, it has both its benefits and its difficulties. As a TCK, your journey consists of changes, movement, and diversity. You easily comprehend how others think, even if their ideas contrast yours. You set yourself free by carrying fewer prejudices and dogmas, making life a whole lot more enjoyable. You will forever remain a global citizen with a colorful existence.
