Mindset Shift
“Forever”, “Permanent” and other pretty lies we tell ourselves
How the awareness of the volatility of life is going to make your life easier
“Change is the only constant in life”
We have all heard the overuse of the above statement multiple times in our lives. But what does it really imply? Is it about the change of physical appearance every human goes through in their lifetime during different stages of their life? Is it about people coming into your life, becoming a crucial part of it, and leaving one fine day? Or is it about how you can wake up one mundane morning expecting to do tasks as planned the last night when suddenly one event or one news just shakes your world apart?
You just got the news that you have to move and start fresh in a new city because of your job transfer. Or the person who you thought was your soulmate decided to end things and walk away from you. It could be the dreaded death of a loved one. Life changes, in just one millisecond. That task list you made the previous night is irrelevant now.
Your worries about how to make your boss happy or how to get that toned figure becomes secondary. It just doesn’t matter anymore. Your priorities change. Your outlook on life changes. You question if anything is worth stressing about if everything about life is temporary. You change.
“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.”
A quote from one of my favorite books of all time, “Tuesday’s with Morrie”. The character ‘Morrie’ is on the verge of death; he knows not to cling to things because sooner rather than later whatever he is clinging to will be gone, because nothing’s permanent. Clinging to people or situations is a natural thing to do, which aids in our feelings of security and safeness. When one is clinging to something or someone, the loss of that object or person can be unbearable
Nothing is permanent. So when we say things like “this is my permanent job”, “you are my forever”, “this is my permanent address”: do those two words “permanent” and “forever” give us a false impression that what we have is immune to change. Do we find comfort in thinking that this is an aspect of our life we have complete control over and the universe is not strong enough to cause turbulence here?
Even after being well aware of the fact that everything in our life, including our mere existence, is temporary, what makes us do the same mistakes again? Why do we get attached to temporary jobs, places, or people? Why is it hard every time life hands us an unexpected twist?
As someone who has moved across the country several times to start a new life around a completely different set of people, I can vouch for the fact that you never really get used to the change.
The gut-wrenching feeling of letting go of that apartment you have so many memories in, letting go of the people you bonded with and shared important milestones of your life with, and, most importantly, letting go of the person you were; it all hits you the same way it did the first time. Because every time you move away from a place that was close to your heart or from people who were a major part of your life, you lose a part of yourself. You have to let go not only of those things and people but also the person you used to be. And it never gets easier. Even if you have moved to 10 cities by the age of 21 like me. But you do learn to enjoy the discomfort in it.
You learn to let your excitement for what’s coming next balance the fear of the unknown. You take it as a challenge and use all your past learnings in making sure your transition is smoother than the last time. You know now that this is something that was bound to happen and don’t feel surprised by it anymore. Even if you do, it’s a lot lesser than the last time life handed you a curveball.
It's the first few days after the major life change that is the hardest. Once you are past that, it becomes normal pretty soon, until the next change comes our way.
But what’s important is to remind ourselves from time to time about the volatile nature of life through every breathing moment we spend. It's important because it helps us see change as a part of life, as something that pushes us to grow and experience different situations in our lives, and not as something that we didn’t deserve. It's a humbling mechanism that reminds us how small we are in this dynamic fast-paced world. How nothing is as important as we make it to be. It makes us value every little thing we have and teaches us to cherish it while we still have it.
So do yourself a favor today — think of all the important aspects of your current life. Identify the areas that you take for granted. Learn to be grateful for it and start opening yourself to the fact that every single thing you thought of could change completely tomorrow.
Remind yourself that these are the important aspects of your life today. It will change with time. Either as a voluntary decision or by the force of the universe. This realization will push you to live a much more grateful and meaningful life. It will help you in becoming more accepting to change and you will start cherishing all that you have now. For, change is the only constant in life and change is the only thing we should make ourselves get used to.
