Beauty | Personality
How to Deal With the Resting Bitch Face
Can the expressionless look be the cause of our social problems?
About three years ago, I was at a small party with my back then-boyfriend. I remember they played the Empire State of Mind. My body only wanted to dance, and my soul craved to meet new people. My boyfriend was one of the best people I have ever dated.
When I needed him beside me, he was always there. When I was sad and depressed, he was able to cheer me up within a few seconds. That night, however, he did something I didn’t expect. He told me something I didn’t have the slightest idea of, which has changed my personal perception of others. He expressed his honest opinion on how I look. Particularly my face.
The facial expression is something people don’t think about as much. We look at others, study, and comment on how people look, yet we are not aware of the expression we make in our daily life. Although it doesn't seem like anything significant, it can greatly impact our social relations.
The Expressionless Look
That evening was everything I could wish for after a long week at work. I was moving into the rhythm of music, drinking icy cider, enjoying the party. When I glanced over my shoulder, I noticed that many people were hanging out with my boyfriend. And not only that, they were obsessed with him.
I was, however, standing there alone with my cider, not talking to a single soul. This wasn’t the first time when I started an evening, getting to know everyone, and ended up standing alone watching other people having fun.
I couldn’t help but wonder why the scenario was the same every single time. Haven’t I just talked to people? Haven’t we had fun playing games and drinking?
I came up to my boyfriend and a couple of my friends and told them about my problem, how no one liked me and didn’t want to talk to me. My boyfriend laughed and said, “I’m sorry, it seems they are scared of you. You have the typical resting bitch face. You look like you want to kill everybody around here.”
Ouch. I didn’t know how to react. Resting bitch face? My ears have never heard of this before. The only thing I could think about at the moment was why no one had ever told me or warned me.
I immediately searched this bizarre label.
“An angry or unpleasant look that does not accurately reflect the way a person is feeling or that the person assumes when not consciously controlling their expression.”
I concluded that my face looks terrifying, and I probably give an impression of an assassin. For the rest of the night, I tried to smile. I wouldn’t say I liked it. My cheeks started to hurt after a few minutes, and it didn’t take a long time, and I gave up.
Although I forgot about that evening very quickly, a few thoughts stuck in my head. Do people walk away from me if I don’t smile enough? And is my facial expression the reason why it is so hard for me to make friends?
Facial Expression As a Sign of Your Personality
Your facial expression can say a lot about you and also nothing at all. If you smile at someone and make a nice gesture, you are automatically put into the “good people” category. Conversely, frowning, raising your eyebrows, or killing with your eyes facial expression gets you into the “bad people” category.
Unfortunately, facial expressions like this are usually reactions to something. You change the look on your face depending on your feelings. You feel annoyed, you scowl. You get surprised, you smile. But what about your facial expression when nothing is happening, and you are not reacting to anything?
When I asked my old friends about my face to tell me their honest opinions, they informed me I smile a lot. They said I am funny and have a good heart.
I mentioned the recent resting bitch face story and wanted to know their reaction as well. Surprisingly, they told me something I wasn’t prepared for.
My time in high school wasn’t the greatest. I was always a little irritated by the boys in my classroom and the long hours we spent there. I couldn’t wait to graduate. I guess my face looked serious, without life, and with a bit of anger.
As an answer to my question about facial expression, my friends told me I was always upset in high school. People in my classroom were scared to talk to me or disturb me. They didn’t want to approach me because I looked so annoyed and angry.
I remember hearing this, but I have never thought about it as something that could be true. Instead, I felt good and courageous. I was satisfied knowing that I can stand up for myself and people have respect for me.
I think at this point, my friends and I were both in shock. Me for finding out what people truly thought about me in high school and probably today as well. And them for discovering I was never upset nor annoyed. It was only my face that appeared this way.
Now, I know how I look and what people think of me. What do I do? — Nothing.
You can practice smiling; however, long-term effects are not guaranteed. You can’t change the facial expression you were born with. If you have an expressionless face or even a face that looks annoying, it’s still beautiful.
It’s common we walk outside and see people who look contented and miserable, but it doesn't mean they actually are. It’s only a mask covering what is beneath it; hence we should get a chance to everyone despite what we see or think.
Embracing the Resting Bitch Face
After realizing the cause of my social problems, I put two and two together. I recognized the common things people have said to me repeatedly, and that drove me crazy.
If you are ever in the company of a person whose face doesn’t say a lot, don’t tell them to smile. Telling someone born with a neutral facial expression to smile is like telling an amputee to jump. It’s impossible.
They can attempt to do it, but they will be more outraged than happy in the end. No one will gain anything from this suggestion.
I can’t even count on my hands how many times I’ve been asked to smile in situations, which I was enjoying and had an absolute blast in. It is possible to be happy without anyone knowing.
You don’t need to ask the person to smile. You can talk to them, find out how they feel and if they smile.
People tend to judge others by the look on their faces. They assume how they feel or who they are based on their facial gesture. Despite how terrible this action is, everyone does it without realizing it.
If you want to help people with resting bitch faces get more socialized, don’t judge them too quickly, listen to what they say, and don’t question it. When they tell you they are okay and having fun, trust them. Treat them like they were smiling all day all night. They will appreciate it, open up more, and you will see the real smile.
By ignoring the truth people tell you, you will only hurt them.
A Natural Protector I Learned How to Live With
Not only negative features, but resting bitch face also has a few useful attributes. The face is full of angriness, grudge, and rivalry. When you’re not trying to please anyone, you can effectively chase them off. Only one look can induce fear and respect in the other one's mind.
Resting bitch face saves you from so many conversations you don’t wanna be a part of…
As a young female, I can say I am sad but also very fortunate to have a face that can scare away a group of guys. The ability to give someone a look full of displeasure and threat saved me more than once in my life.
Solo traveling, walking outside by myself, or simply living alone is much more comfortable if you know you can switch your appearance from a happy girl to a vexatious woman whenever you like.
As much as I like the benefits of my expressionless look, it still bothers me a lot. Although I love to smile and laugh, keeping a positive look on my face is one of the hardest things I deal with every day. I practice smiling and try to remember to smile every time I pass someone.
My friends know I struggle with my face whenever I ignore the surrounding world. But I don’t need to tell them I’m not sad or irritated. They know how hard it is for me to express my positive feelings.
It was quite a journey to figure out how to live my gloomy face, and I know I’m not the only one dealing with this problem.
We are only people and can’t control everything. Our face doesn’t determine who we really are. More understanding and kindness from the outside world will help to overcome this social barrier.
“Don’t judge me until you know me”
— Nooria Jasmine
