How to Stop Feeding the Stray Cat Inside Your Mind
Urge surfing can help curb addiction.
We all have habits we wish we could stop. Whether it is smoking, drinking, involuntary social media scrolling, over-eating, substance use, or even quitting a toxic relationship, changing a behavior can be hard. Sometimes it feels downright impossible.
When the desire to change a behavior is greater than the desire to engage in that behavior, that is when change becomes possible. But we all know it is not so simple as wishing we could change. All too frequently, we have the desire to change a behavior, only to find ourselves failing as we give in to an urge. Here is a technique that may just be the ticket to finally quitting that bad habit.
When the desire to change a behavior is greater than the desire to engage in that behavior, that is when change becomes possible.
Urge Surfing for Behavior Change
The technique we will learn here is called Urge Surfing. Urge Surfing was developed by psychologist Alan Marlatt. Just like it sounds, urge surfing consists of riding the wave of an urge. When we first crave that cigarette, or whatever behavior we are working on changing, the craving and impulse to engage in the behavior are very strong. It may even feel like it’s impossible to overcome the craving.
Urge Surfing requires us to be very present in the moment. We want to acknowledge the craving, really feel what it feels like, and then calmly decide to wait it out.
We have previously conditioned ourselves to quickly make the uncomfortable urge go away, so being present and sitting with the feeling is probably a new skill. You can say to yourself, for example, “I notice that I want to smoke a cigarette right now.” Try to also add some pep-talking to help narrate the experience. You could add, “This feeling is so intense. It’s been very difficult to overcome. Right now, I am going to ride out this craving.” After you acknowledge your craving, the pep talk part can be anything that might feel helpful to say to yourself.
The goal here is to ride the wave. Just like a wave that comes in from the sea, a craving to engage in an unwanted behavior has a beginning, middle, and end. The middle will be your peak, which is the hardest part. Try riding it out to the end. Now if you are thinking that this sounds like something you’ve tried unsuccessfully before, I’ve got more info for you below.
Stop Feeding the Stray Cat
Changing behavior is hard work, and it is going to take a few days before your brain gets the message that you are not doing that behavior anymore. You’re going to have to commit to being extra tough. But don’t worry. If you ride the wave for several days in a row, it won’t always be this hard.
My favorite analogy for this is feeding a stray cat. When you have been leaving food out for a stray cat, it comes to your door every day and meows for food. This is the same idea as your craving to engage in unwanted behavior. It keeps coming back because you’ve been feeding it.
The day you decide not to feed a stray cat, it’s going to come back to your door meowing. The next day, it’s going to meow and meow and meow loudly! The day after that, it may have a full-on fit of crying. But over the next few days, the cat will realize that you are not planning on feeding it anymore. It will finally go away, just like your cravings.
When first trying this technique, it will be helpful for you to be prepared for the cravings to get even more intense before they get better. For many people, being armed with this analogy lets them know that the cravings are not always going to be so challenging. Getting over the hump takes a strong desire to facilitate the change.
When we have been acting a certain way for a long time, changing the behavior is rarely easy. For some people, it will take several attempts. Be sure to go easy on yourself if you do have a setback. Your commitment to developing a better version of yourself is very commendable. Give this a try, and let me know how you do!
