I Am so Glad I Married a Man Who Is My Complete opposite
Our opposite personalities have brought us closer to each other
“Opposites attract” is a common term used in explaining relationships. It brings in mystery, adventure and gives you the thrill of venturing out into unknown territory. But do these aspects help a marriage sustain?
I have been asked by a lot of my friends whether opposites really work well together. There is a common misconception that being the exact opposite to your partner might be a barrier to your successful relationship. But after being married for 2 years with my husband, I would definitely say that is not true instead, they come in with a lot of perks.
Again, I want to establish the fact that you need to be on the same page regarding the basics. Like, finance, household chores, and responsibilities, career, etc. But the way you approach your goals and your journey towards it might be different.
“Of course, you’ll still want to make sure you are aligned with someone who understands and values your core beliefs,” says Latasha Matthews, LPC, CPCS, CPLC, CAMS, an individual, couples, and family therapist. “You also want to make sure that your non-negotiable items are not overlooked when establishing a relationship where opposites could be attractive.”
Here are some reasons which make these types of relationships keep going:
1. You have someone to pull you back and push you out of your comfort zone.
I am an Aries and a very outgoing person. Not an extrovert exactly, but somewhere there. I am also very adventurous and make instant decisions without completely thinking things through. Have no filter and hardly give two thoughts before spitting the words out.
He, on the other hand, is an Aquarian and does not get into anything till he has thought through 100 steps forward. He would analyze each and every aspect of the situation and only then get into it.
This characteristic of his, as much as it annoys me, has pulled me back from a couple of wrong decisions for which I am grateful. At the same time, I force him to not overanalyze everything and just go with the flow. To live a little without thinking too much. So whichever type of person you are, you get someone to push you out of your comfort zones.
“Your partner can see things from a fresh perspective,” Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali, a licensed marriage, and family therapist and owner of The Zinnia Practice says, “You’ll also see things in a new light. This is usually positive. Because the two of you can create a great balance together.”
2. The conversations become interesting and intriguing.
Take any topic, I can bet that our opinions on them would be different. Let it be finance, house matters, politics, feminism, history, anything. Which makes the conversation so much more interesting. What is the point of the other person having the same thought processes as you?
We can keep talking, going back and forth on any topic for hours because our perspectives are poles apart. This leads to mind-boggling conversations, which makes you think and reassess your thoughts and opinions. This also makes you get to know more about your partner, even years after your relationship started.
Which leads to my next point…
3. You never stop learning.
Since your experiences and ways of thinking are completely different, you never stop learning from them. It might be anything, from how to do things differently to how to manage people.
I have learned so much from him (please god, don’t let him hear me say that!). How to tackle difficult situations better, when to keep your emotions out of situations, how to react to people who trouble you etc.
Your learning need not be only from your conversations. It can also be from you observing them, dealing with the same situations. We learn from so many people around us, right? What better than to have your partner to be your teacher?
4. We learn to compromise.
I don’t mean this in a bad way. What I mean is it takes the rigidity out of you, makes you more approachable to changes, and not be afraid of them. Somewhere along the line, you get into a mentality of, “There is no harm in trying. If it does work for me and him, why not?”.
Mind you, the compromise happens from both sides. Both of you learn from each other and find small ways to deal with each other. Learn to let go of some things and stand up for others.
Being susceptible to change and adjustments (without changing our identity) makes a lot of our lives easier in every aspect. These kinds of marriages prepare you for those situations more and make you a more understanding and a better person.
5. You do not get bored.
This is probably the best part of the relationship. Because you are continuously exposed to a person with opposite characteristics, you are constantly bombarded with new methods, information, and other small things.
It keeps the relationship alive and brings you closer than ever before. Both of you would be constantly changing due to the outside world and would also be changing for yourselves. It becomes a beautiful experience and a journey
Now that I have mentioned the positives of marrying a man with opposite characteristics, it is not a bed of flowers always. Below are 3 main mistakes I see people do, in such kind of relationships (and I did them too):
1. Do not try to change the other person:
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes that couples make (as far as I have seen). I made this mistake too, which reduced the quality of my relationship for a long time. Looking back now, I am so glad that I came out of it.
It took me a lot of time to accept that his ways of doing things were different, that he was fundamentally another human and I should respect his thoughts. I tried to do everything in my way and impose that on him or expected him to do the same, which was wrong. Request you to not make the same mistake.
2. Communicate, Communicate, and Communicate:
When both of your thought processes are so different, you cannot expect your partner to know your thoughts telepathically. You have to let them know about your thoughts clearly in each and every situation.
There would be times when both of you come to a common ground, or either of your ideas would fit better into the situation. You would never know till you communicate. And most of the time, it leads to better results, the situations get handled better, and both of you are happy.
3. Learn to have a part of your lives separate from each other:
By default, you being opposites mean you would have different hobbies or interests. What you do would bore him/her to death and vice versa.
I am a total bookworm and love traveling. My husband always ends up sleeping after reading two pages. He is a movie nerd who uses a lot of movie references in conversations. I do not watch movies at all, and most of the time have to ask him to explain them.
This is the place where you should reach a common ground. If you can bear all of your spouse’s activities, please go for it. But I do not think that can happen in normal lives, all the time. So you have to learn to have a separate life from your partner.
It can be anything from doing activities separately, meeting different sets of people, anything. Do you know the best part? You have a chance to come home, talk to them about your experiences, which again would lead to meaningful conversations because both of you would have different perspectives.
Marrying/Being in a relationship with your opposite may seem like a lot of emotional work and turmoil. But for me, my husband made me see myself in a different light, handle situations differently than before, listen to other opinions better, and most importantly gain patience.
And to be very honest, I’d rather marry a man who is different, than a man who has the same thoughts and opinions as me. Where’s the fun in that?
