Letter To Mum
Hey! Mum.
Do you remember the day we went to that house that you said was your favorite place in the world?
Yeah! The same house you said had a lot of old fun memories for you.
Well, for me, it held a whole lot of painful memories.
I never wish to remember nor think about it or even share it with anyone.
I know it wasn’t your fault that I had to experience all that.
But you never really cared about what I felt from the first day I was born.
“Remember how you used to call me the little witch that escaped the marine world”.
Well, that statement sunk really deep into my subconscious mind. And it always comes to play whenever I am fighting with low self-esteem.
I wish you gave me reasons why you treated me that way, but it's fine.
The deed has been done.
I lost what my husband would have called ‘treasure’ that same night.
I was only eight and you left me with your friend’s children, even when I was crying blood, pleading with you to take me with you.
You still left me.
Mum! I lost a lot of blood that night.
I didn’t know I will survive to write this letter.
They told me you asked them to do it for me.
Why me Mum?
Again, I ask, why me?
I was only eight. Just eight. Mum!
The pain I suffered that night, was beyond me.
It wasn’t just one person that night mum, they were five.
Five hefty men. Mum!
It didn’t just stop at one night.
Their peals of laughter still ring in my head like the church bell that would always remind us of a new day.
You were supposed to be a churchwoman mum. What happened?
I lost myself that day mum.
I lost my childhood.
You were supposed to protect and defend me.
You were supposed to care and love me.
What did I do? What wrong was unforgivable?
You never came back. So, I decided to write this letter to you.
I am fifteen now. On my sickbed. Diagnosed with VVF.
The doctor said I have five days left. Maybe my prayer has been answered.
Do you know that I prayed for death that first night?
I want to enjoy life after death. So, I forgive you.
I love you.
Your name will be the last
on my mouth when I breathe my last.
Just know that I loved you and wished you loved me back.
Hey mum! I was just eight.
