Life a La Carte
Maybe the best way to choose to live your life is “on the side” rather than off the typical menu.
When I was much younger, I had this picture of exactly how I wanted my life to look. I think I was in good company as those of us who rolled out of college had visions of meeting that perfect soulmate, buying that house in the suburbs, and earning the living that gave us our dream life.
Once achieved it was idyllic or was it?
Looking back, I did achieve my dream but the problem was I wasn’t dreaming big enough! I was settling for what I should have instead of what I could have.
I had that nice house in the suburbs, that wonderful soulmate, and that great job. I had great friends and should have been perfectly content, but then I had children.
Wait! It’s not what you think. I loved being a parent. After my second child, however, that perfect job was not so perfect. Juggling full-time employment, and motherhood was not just tricky, it was exhausting. I didn’t want to miss a moment of their little lives but that also meant I hardly had a moment in mine.
My husband traveled for his job and I was often the one holding down the fort for days or weeks at a time.
My life’s menu was full but ordering what I wanted was not always on the menu. I had to think of a way to get what I wanted but still feel satisfied.
I broke with tradition and left a full-time job to start my own business.
It was my first a La carte life choice and I have never looked back.
Why would I ever start my own business while trying to juggle so much?
I realized I was going to have a period of time while my income was reduced and my time was even more condensed into working, parenting, and working more but what I also saw was a variety of “toppings” I could add to my choices which would satisfy me far more than my 9 to 5.
I would have choices like when I worked, who I worked with, and where I worked. I could decide my own salary. I could arrange my schedule to be available for my children and even travel with my husband.
Those a La carte choices made my life so much fuller.
Was it hard? Did it require more energy, resources, and time from me than maybe my actual job?
Absolutely, but I was doing it on my terms and it made all the difference!
There were other off the grid or a La carte life choices as well.
I spent decades of my life as a Catholic. I was baptized and raised in the Catholic church. I raised my children in the Catholic Church, but as I got older (much older) some beliefs just didn’t sit well with me.
I investigated other areas of Christianity and joined a community where I became involved in learning far more about Biblical teachings than I ever had in my life and it was a no-brainer to switch out of traditional to non-denominational worship for me.
Initially, my parents thought I had “lost my religion” and a close friend wanted to do “intervention.” Again, I was choosing something, not on the typical “path” I had been taking.
Many people have decided that living life a La carte makes all the difference
A colleague has ditched the idea that living in suburbia is perfect and bought a small farm and began raising chickens, fruits, and vegetables after deciding the corporate lifestyle zapped her energy.
One of my relatives who experienced the death of her spouse at an early age decided to become a missionary at 53.
I have worked with a woman who got her Bachelor’s degree at 68 and her Master’s at 71.
When another client’s job was downsized, he chose to learn how to fly an aircraft, which is something he has wanted to do since he was in his twenties.
A local woman who was never able to have any children of her own has fostered 39 children and kept in touch with nearly all of them.
One day two years ago, a friend who had been in a difficult marriage for 42 years, decided to divorce. Today she is married to the “man of her dreams”.
She often says, “I may have taken 42 years to see the light, but at least the end of the tunnel is a lot more promising now!”
Sometimes we don’t choose to go off of our life’s planned menu because we are afraid of what others may think.
Sometimes we don’t because we are unsure of our own capabilities.
Often it is just because the familiar holds less risk.
“What if I try something new and don’t like it?” We wonder.
But the truth is we can always “sample” the sides: try one flying lesson, have a trial separation, foster one child, or even volunteer with a group that works with children. Take a single class or visit the place you want to live and spend a week or two.
Challenging ourselves to live our lives off the typical menu sometimes takes boldness and often takes resolve. It’s easy to be talked out of whatever seems unfathomable to others.
Forbes Magazine indicated a few years ago that nearly 62% of people don’t like to or seldom leave their comfort zone.
I don’t know about you but I think changing things up can be refreshing and often radically life-altering.
This same article indicated that we all have a FIRE (Facts, Interpretation, Reaction, Ends) that propel or prohibit the way we look at change.
Perhaps we think a La carte means something it does not.
When we choose a La carte, we choose what we want rather than what typically comes with our life’s path.
Some people don’t want or need what others do, so why do we seem so surprised when we hear about them making a change we feel is unexpected or unwarranted?
Is it because we would love to do the same but simply are too set in our ways to try?
As long as we settle for something we really don’t enjoy just because it is what is on “today’s menu,” we let ourselves be molded and shaped by opinions and decisions that may have nothing to do with how we want to be.
A few years ago, a very prominent man in our community chose to turn himself into treatment because of pornography addiction. It was a shock to his family and many friends.
He chose a La carte because that is what he wanted and needed. He didn’t wait for someone to tell him when to try something different. He knew what he had to choose.
Doing so meant embarrassment to his family and a loss of support from many who thought of him as an upstanding human being.
But, a few months into his treatment a former colleague of his stated, “Isn’t it better to get help for something you acknowledge is bigger than you than to deny it and keep swallowing the same poison which sickens you more every day?”
Yes, it was better. Today the world is a better place because of his decision.
How many people just go through life aimlessly living a path they aren’t even sure they want to be on? An article in Psychology Today admonishes us to live life for ourselves and not to please expectations, but how many of us actually resort to doing that?
Living life unpredictably doesn’t mean you have to change genders, political parties, life partners, or employment, although, for you, that could be what you want and need.
Being open to going against the typical, against the grain, against the expected to try something new you think you may enjoy needs to be encouraged and supported.
Another Forbes article, “The 25 Biggest Regrets in Life, What are Yours?” reflects on how actions not taken can lead to lives not fully lived.
So, isn’t it time to stop choosing the same thing on the menu just because you think you should or it’s all you know and to start sampling something that could just become a favorite?
We miss much out of life when we constantly let routine, expectations, and predetermined paths lead us.
Like Billy Crystal in the movie, Forget Paris, is it time you stop selecting the Veal Piccata and choose the Chicken Parmesan instead?
Share your a La Carte life decision or the one you are thinking about making!
Kathy Brunner will help you learn how to earn an income doing what you love a La carte or as your full time work! Learn How Here
