Non-essential, to Essential, to not Important at all
As someone who has worked in the healthcare industry for the past 15 years, I thought that my place in the industry was secure. I thought that if I worked hard, advance my education, stayed inside the lines, and not piss anyone off, that I had job security. And I never thought possible to be laid off during a time of crisis, when healthcare workers of all kinds are needed. I have special training, certifications, and went to graduate school to be a nurse educator. Plus, I have 10 years of experience in the operating room. I thought even though I advanced myself as a clinical nurse educator in the hospital setting, that I was safe. Damn, was I wrong?
What is considered non-essential?
When I transitioned from a staff nurse to a nurse educator, I was always told from the very beginning we, as educators, were considered “non-essential”, because we were not performing direct patient care. I am also an operating room nurse by training, which is a very niche specialty. It is definitely not the type of normal nursing seen or portrayed on TV.
As a clinical educator for the operating room, I was there to oversee education and training for staff (new equipment and such), orientation for new hires, overseeing opportunities for our student learners (nurses and techs), and I even taught my other passion in the nurse residency program, which is nursing research. I was tested in many different ways, and I accepted the educational challenges placed in front of me. I made my job my own, nobody oriented me to it (hell, there was no educator in place when I showed up over 2 years ago). I even had the opportunity to develop and teach a full “Intro to OR Nursing” training program (aka “periop 101”, which is basically a 1-year orientation and training program for brand new operating room nurses).
There were multiple other challenges along my career path, but it came with the nursing territory. I was a nurse educator in a small community hospital. We had a fairly busy and growing surgical division, so my job was secure. I was needed.
Enter Covid-19…
You are now Essential!
As a nurse educator, I fell under the ‘nursing professional development’ department. But I oversaw the operating room, and four other smaller surgical division units. In the early stages of COVID (early March), my director called a department meeting. Ours was a very small department… 3 hospital educators (including myself) and the director, for a total of 4 people. Cozy.
At this particular meeting, we were told how the C-suite administrators were “dividing” their time so they could both work from home and be at the hospital on certain days of the week (maybe 1–2 at best)… limiting their “risk” of exposure as COVID was starting to ramp up in our area. Of course, they would. My director wanted to enact something similar for our department, with one minor caveat… we as educators were now considered “essential”, and had to be at the hospital. So I bluntly asked, “can we work from home too”? And I received an astounding “NO”. Two days later… my director was working from home.
For me, my work schedule really did not change much. I still had to go into the hospital every day. However, everything related to education was put on hold.
Meetings were conducted via Skype (the bain of my existence). COVID pushed the pause button for us all! Fast forward to late March and early April, and elective cases were stopped completely, along with the current Periop 101 training program. Staff were now on a limited and revolving “team” schedule. COVID literally brought everything to a screeching halt. By mid-April, I was no longer “essential” because everything in my division practically stopped. I helped when I could with being in the operating room (giving breaks and being the ‘laser nurse’ when asked). But otherwise, I was now being “flexed” off, and staying at home. This type of on-and-off schedule of mine persisted for about 3 weeks. By early May, talks of starting to slowly re-introduce some education started, and I was back to my normal full-time status come May the 4th (although the force really did not feel like it was with me; Star Wars reference there). Even the Periop training program started back up 2 weeks later. I was once again needed.
You are no longer important.
Everything throughout the month of May was starting to pick back up, and the operating room went back to fully functional and operational the day after Memorial Day. June started off with more planning and prepping for the future. I was getting back in my nurse-teaching groove. My husband (who is also an operating room nurse… we worked at the same place. That’s a whole other topic to write about for another day; working with your spouse!) and I were literally started the talk of future plans to change his status to going per diem (as needed) by the end of the year. Things were feeling “normal” once again.
Then came Tuesday, June 16th… something I will never forget, especially how it made me feel.
I arrived at work that morning at 0650. Changed into my scrubs, said my good mornings, fired up my computer to start my day. I remember it vividly… I was in my office, drinking my am java, and reviewing a research article I was thinking of incorporating into my nursing research lesson for nurse residency program coming up… that was fixing to start back up the following week.
My director called me at 0728 and asked if I had a moment. To which I said, “yes of course”. I was instructed to meet her in the CNO’s (Chief Nursing Officer) office. Hhhmmm… odd. Very out of the blue. But nurse residency is starting back up and maybe something is changing once again (COVID had a way of changing things multiple times in a day). Not thinking anything of it, I did what I was told and proceeded to the CNO’s office.
When I crossed the threshold of the office, the energy was palpable… and it was not positive. My spidey senses went up instantly. My director was sitting at the little round conference table, the CNO was sitting next to her, and off on my left was some strange person in scrubs I never saw in my entire life… but because she was in navy blue scrubs, I knew she was an RN. It just got weirder and weirder. I was instructed by the CNO to sit down. So I did. The unknown nurse made room for me and I noticed her moving a box of tissues toward me. Very odd.
At that moment, my director started reading a letter to me and broke down crying a quarter of the way through the letter. I was straight-up confused. Why is she crying?, I thought to myself. Then I heard the words… “your position as a clinical nurse educator is being eliminated. You are being laid off”.
You know that song “I came in like a wrecking ball”? Well, that’s exactly what I felt like at that moment when I figured out what was happening… like a wrecking ball came and just slammed against me. In that moment, I realized I was no longer needed.
I was dazed and confused… I tried to justify why I was needed. “I have a test to give this afternoon, the period just started back up, I have new hires and students to orient and oversee, etc”. It did not matter. The CNO blamed COVID… COVID-19 wreaked havoc on the finances and revenue of the little community hospital I worked in (within a much bigger health system), and I was being let go. I became the sacrificial lamb of the education department.
There was a big corporate lay off across the entire health system, and my job as a clinical nurse educator fell victim to that monster. One thousand people across the system lost their jobs that Tuesday and Wednesday. I was now a statistic. But the bitch of the situation was that no one saw it coming… no one knew about it (I’m sure the admins knew about it… for they were the bearers of glad tidings). I was totally and completely 100% blind-sided at 0730 in the morning. And 10 minutes later, I was out the door. W T F??! I was the first to go that day. I had to hand over my office keys and badge at that moment.
Its impact is still felt
I was the least senior person in that little department. My job was not safe or secure. I was cut. I was not treated in a kind manner, but rather as a business transaction. That small piece of this entire experience was what stood out the most to me. I was told over and over “this isn’t personal, it’s business” and that “you can apply to anywhere else in the system”. Why in the world would I want to apply to another position in the same health system that just pulled me out of the garden of education, and tossed me to the side like a weed? No thank you.
I was not allowed to say anything to anyone, no one could know what was going on. After I drove off the campus, the news would be revealed in an email by the CEO of the health system. I never received that email before taking my walk of shame. The disheartening news reverberated across the local community and social media. People are upset. People are hurt. People are angry. People want answers. But the only answer continually echoed was it was “COVID’s fault”.
As for me, what hurts the most… was not being able to say anything to the people I spent over 2 years building relationships with. I was not allowed to even find my husband and tell him! I could only gather a few belongings from my office, and then my director very quietly and stealthily escorted me out of the building (I had to make arrangements to go back and retrieve the rest of my belongings from my office at another time). We exchanged a hug as I left in confusion, and all she said through her tears was “I know you are going to do great things. Do not let this get you down. You were made for better than this”. I just nodded my head. I could not even speak. I just walked away and left the premises.
A nurse educator was no longer needed.
When life hands you lemons…
You squeeze out the juice, and make some kick-ass lemonade!!
“Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
When life hands you those lemons, those important life lessons, embrace them… welcome the discomfort because that is where true change is made! Maybe not immediately. But when the dust settles and the sun starts shining through those grey clouds, ask yourself “what am I supposed to learn from this?” It might sound cliche to say ‘everything happens for a reason’, but it’s honestly the truth; no matter the pain. You may not be able to see it now, in the thick of the moment and the challenge. But valuable change is taking place!
Whatever mountain of despair you are facing, climb it because positive transformation is at the summit! Success awaits those who take action in their lemon moments. If no action is taken, no change is made. If no change is made, the mountain does not move. If you refuse to try and move the mountain, you are essentially accepting your lemon moment, and the lemons are winning (nobody likes it when lemons win!). You have to take the lemons, and make them into something!
Conclusion
Yes, being a nurse educator and getting laid off during COVID was both painful and it was a horrible experience. So many fears and other emotions came to the surface. But with the advice and support of my husband (who is also a RN), I realized in my lemon moment that I was given a clean slate… a fresh start… a new opportunity to find a new and better version of me! So I am climbing my mountain now. And when I get to the top of my mountain, I will be drinking a tall cold glass of yummy lemonade!
Who wants to join me, and move mountains together?!
