PhD: A Survival Story
The most exciting quote that reverberated in the winds of Grad School was that there were two kinds of people in the world: people with Ph.Ds. and those without. To the uninitiated and even to me at the beginning, this statement sounded so smug and arrogant. Yet, as I toiled hard and survived my Ph.D. days, I understood its underlying meaning. So allow me to narrate my story.
Have you any dreams you’d like to sell…
Since my teenage days, I have always aspired to work in science laboratories. I always used to get fascinated by those white lab-coat coats-wearing mad geniuses who could concoct something out of the blue. I must mention at this point that I have been privileged enough to grow up in a relatively liberal environment. I was always encouraged to pursue my dreams of higher education. Hence, when I received the Ph.D. admission letter from a US university, I was beyond elated. After all these years, when I idly meditate, I often feel that this right here is where the story of my life started and everything till then was a mere prelude.
All my bags are packed…
Thus, at the young age of 25, I set out for unknown shores with meager resources in my hand. It was tough to put my amalgamated thoughts of that time in order as I boarded my first international flight. On one hand, this was the first time I was stepping outside my hometown, yet the call of newer adventures excited me beyond measure. I felt like a global citizen as I transitioned through the different international airports.
The enticement of the western world in various media and movies had left a huge impression and filled me with tremendous expectations. That bubble, however, was very short-lived as the flight descended into the remote college town in the southern United States. Having lived in a big metro, this tiny college town seemed entirely out of place. To add to that, this was my very first stint living away from my known surroundings for an extended period, maybe my whole life. The insane humidity and sharing rooms with strangers didn’t make it easy either.
Show me the meaning of being lonely…
Thus started my grad solo life in the United States with me feeling completely out of place. A couple of months passed by in the blink of an eye. The new department, teaching duties, students, colleagues from around the world, the new etiquette, and yes, the paycheck at the end of the month — all of these simultaneously brought a unique flavor to my independent living. I had started opening up to a lot of things and people slowly. However, my daily troubles with adjustment to the new place continued. As is prevalent in smaller towns, the modes of public transportation are almost non-existent. This made me heavily reliant on other people to take me to different places including grocery stores. This was definitely something new for me.
Days passed by. Seasons changed as the falling leaves gave way to signal the onset of one of the harshest winters of my life. I have to mention here that my very first stint with snowfall seemed so surreal. For the first time, I also celebrated important festivals and my birthday without family and friends. This made me appreciate the value of my friends and family. I didn’t even realize when this tiny town became so close to my heart that I had started calling it my home.
Don’t just survive; thrive!
A mentor is supposed to be someone who makes you look through yourself and reignite the hope in you. These words have never felt more accurate than in grad school. The smoothness of your grad life is hugely dependent on the nature of your boss. Unfortunately, lady luck had different plans for me. As my research obligations took off, I got a closer look at my advisor. He turned out to be one of those terrible bosses who treats his underlings as meat-manufacturing machines. Not only was he a control freak micro-manager, but he was also a closet sexist and racist as well. His micro-aggressions on top of unrealistic project demands and deadlines would continue to make my life miserable.
In tandem with struggles in my professional life, I was also experiencing the annals of a bad breakup at the time. It just complicated the situation even more. Tears were my sole companion in those days. The rough patch in personal life was reflected in my academic career as well as I did really poorly in a couple of courses as well. The end of the first year really became one of the lowest points in my life.
Just stop your crying, it’s the sign of the times!!!
Time flew by as my tears dried up. I tried to keep my emotions in check and be more mindful about my work as well. I understood the value of embracing all the struggles instead of resisting them. I started to soak up all the verbal projectiles that my boss sent my way and focus completely on my research work. Most days my life was confined within the four walls of the lab where I would toil through the wee hours of dawn. Slowly but steadily I began to learn the meaning of perseverance and diligence.
Eventually, my hard work bore fruits in the form of journal publications. The feeling of having your work getting accepted by a renowned journal is unfathomable and is hard to put into words. I also bought my own car albeit an old used car but it provided me with the final piece of the puzzle called independence in my grad life. I began to get more involved in the community and tried to help the new international grad students who came to the foreign with the same hopeful and dreamy eyes as myself.
It’s the final countdown!!!
As I neared the final year of my grad life, I started to put the pedal to the floor. However, it is not possible to see what the future has in store for you. It was another normal cold November morning when I woke up to one of the most devastating news of my dad passing away. This incident was so sudden that I didn’t even know how to react. I felt the earth disappear from beneath my feet. It tormented me to my core that I wouldn’t see him ever in my life again.
Everybody has their own ways of dealing with grief. In my case, after the initial stages of denial, I began to feel an increased sense of responsibility towards my mom. My personal responsibilities became intertwined with my academic life. I was juggling through my dissertation, my job search, and my personal grief all at the same time constituting potentially the roughest patch in my budding career. Finally, after five and a half long years, I defended my dissertation successfully. Just the happiness and pride in my mom’s phase when I was wearing the Ph.D. hood made it all worth my struggles. I wish my dad was there to see it as well.
A lot has happened in my life after my Ph.D. but still, when I sit back on one of the blissful lazy afternoons, I can’t help but reminisce about the different life lessons this long journey has taken me through. As I look back in an insightful retrospection about my grad life, I leave some parting thoughts to the reader who has read through and stayed through my journey this far…
1. The final destination might be the end goal but in this pursuit, we fail to appreciate the beauty and tenacity of the journey itself.
2. Failures are an integral part of any journey. The most important takeaway should be to gather the lessons from them and learn how to get up from them.
3. The impostor syndrome in life is very real. You have to be courageous to shrug it off and distract yourself in those days.
4. Professionalism in every sphere of life demands a certain amount of honesty, dedication, and perseverance. You will develop the correct attitude to deal with any situation thereafter.
5. Life is filled with uncertainties. You never know where the path will take you. So it is important to be mindful and stay in the present.
6. Independence doesn’t imply just earning and spending on yourself. It includes learning the basic life skills needed to survive in the harshest environments. It includes making oneself completely responsible for his/her life.
7. Society is a collective and integral effort built by mankind throughout the ages. It is important to give back to society no matter how trivial your contribution might be.
8. As you mature, it is always important to take a step back from the narrow tunnel vision that shrouds our vision and looks at the unfiltered picture for once. Only then you would be able to appreciate the diversity and inclusiveness of humankind because beneath the superficial façade we are all the same at our very core.
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